Great Britain with its thousand years of democracy finds itself once again perfectly placed to be the world's polisman. Of course, Uncle Sam has to give the nod first. Let us explain why Great Britain has the moral authority to rid the world of all bad people like the very very bad Colonel Gaddafi. Gaddafi thinks that he can oppress his own people AND do business with us. Who does he think he is? China? Saudi Arabia?
For a start, Britain would never clear its own people of the land, especially for reasons of profit or ethnic hatred.
|The Clearances in Uist, 1895|
Nor would Great Britain shoot its own people while they demonstrated for basic human rights.
|Bloody Sunday, 1973|
Even dirty hippies living on the edge of society would not be subject to violence at the hands of the British state.
|'The Battle of the Beanfield' 1985|
Though dirty striking miners with left-wing tendencies did occasionally provoke the police into suppressing their dissent by any means necessary as they were called upon to do at the so-called 'Battle of Orgreave'.
Our parliament is lead by honest and accountable politicians. This duckhouse is the symbol of the probity of the 'Mother of Parliaments'.
|A necessary expense for London MPs|
And our leaders would never join forces with religiously motivated extremists to wage an illegal war on a third world country.
Repeat, would not enjoy a 'special relationship' with a country that covertly financed terrorist groups such as the Contras in Nicaragua.
|CIA manual - part of US 'covert' warfare against Sandinista Nicaragua|
Were atrocities against innocent civilians ever to have occurred then that of course is a matter of great regret. Rest assured though that no breaches of international human rights law take place today.
|Guantanamo Bay, still home to 172 'detainees'|
Britain is so assured of its morality that it would take swift and effective action against any nation guilty of human rights abuses. Be it China...
|Bodies of student protesters, Tianamen Square, China, 1989|
Or in democratic and capitalist-friendly Russia...
|Massacre of Chechen 'rebels', 2000|
We are also confident that Great Britain's friendship with nice Saudi Arabia is having a positive effect on human rights there. Particularly in its attitude to women.
|'Be thankful you're not getting stoned'.|
Lastly, Great Britain would never tolerate the maintenance of a dynasty of unelected persons living at the tax payers' expense.
Gone are the days when our government was run by a privileged clique of white Eton-educated rich men.
|Cool Britannia was never... so cool.|
Please remember all of this if you read of claims that Great Britain is wasting £billions on another foreign war while the economy withers and thousands lose their jobs. Please remember to stand in respectful silence when the coffins come home. Our boys die for you.