Friday, May 17, 2013

Eurovision: go Nigel go!

Farage, Kilroy-Silk, Monckton and EDL numbskull

After his rather embarrassing by-election launch for Aberdeen Donside which happened in, er... Edinburgh, Farage has decided to prove a point to the 'Union-Jack hating Jocks' and to conquer Eurovision for Gwate Bwitain!

His posh voice and rousing oratory were sadly drowned out in Edimbourg by angry Jocks and some English students singing 'bawbag' at him. Cue the 'taxi for Nigel' but unfortunately for Lord Falange, not one but two Edinburgh cabbies took one look at the millionaire charlatan and bolted.

He's back though and he has a band with him.

Monckton - not a swivel-eyed facsist
His aim is to recreate Bucks Fizz's barnstorming Dambuster raid on Eurovision in 1981 that stole the Euro crown from Johnny Foreigner. For this he has recruited one-time ego-rival Robert Kilroy-Silk to woo the ladies. Farage knows that Eurovision thrives on a certain freaky and boundary-pushing unpredictability and so has recruited fellow toff Christopher Monckton - a.k.a. 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley. Monckton is said to be planning a pole-dancing routine he learned in one of Farage's favourite strip-clubs which will be so heavy with homo-eroticism that it will once and for all, end all rumours that UKIP are a fiercely homophobic party. Lastly, Oswald Farage knows the importance of youth and has signed up an edgy EDL football thug to provide a drum-n-bass style interlude and some 'muscle'.

However, the blogosphere has laid into Faradge with customary cynicism. Planet Ivy talks of its oddball members. A Thousand Flowers has the temerity to award Gills Farage with its 'Weekly Wanker Award'. National Collective has stepped in with a history lesson. And finally...

The good old British Broadcasting Corporation - that organ of Ugly Scottish Nationalism since 1707 - has weighed in to put in the boot... 


Thursday, May 16, 2013

No taxi for Nigel

Sometimes, living in Edinburgh, you kind of get used to living in the glow of history. Famous residents from Hume to Donnchadh Bàn. Superb architecture. A history of multiculturalism stretching back 2000 years and more - of Picts, Britons, Gaels, Angles, French, Italians, Flemish, Poles and many more.

And then... one of the most odious  - 'charismatic' to the right-wing English press - figures to have slithered into the garden of English politics for many a long year, dares to come north.

A new pride is born, as this total cnt and charlatan, is sent packing by an angry crowd.
Farage was first forced out of the Canon's Gait pub on the Royal Mile after the landlord took fright as the demonstrators disrupted his casual press conference with shouts of "racist", "scum" and "homophobe". Out on the street, as the fingers pointed and taunts escalated, he was rejected by one taxi and turfed out of a second.

Then, finally, the harassed and ill-prepared handful of officers were forced to push him back into the Canon's Gait, slamming its front doors shut, as the demonstrators chanted: "Nigel, you're a bawbag, Nigel you're a bawbag, na, na, na, hey!" with gusto.

"Grrrr, I'm a pirate Nigel"

He's a millionaire businessmen, no doubt with financial interests across the globe. But he's anti-immigration.

Immigrants shouldn't 'take' our jobs but neither should they have benefits.

He's pro-strip-club but anti-gay. Hell, even the Tories for the most part have got over their anti-gay chip on their shoulder.

He wants 'independence' for the UK/England but thinks that Scotland's rather tame devolved parliament should be disbanded.

He's the dahling boy of the Daily Mail, who they hope will reach places that Mosely didn't.

And like so many before him, he's man with the posh accent who pulls the strings that make the bootboys dance. Worse, he pulls the heartstrings of misty-eyed Little Englanders who hanker for a past that never was.

Send him home to think again.

UKIP councillors reaching for their phones.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Those Bitter Together 500 questions...

Think you missed one folks...

Would Darling's eyebrows remain black once the BBC are forced to remove cricket from their news coverage and replace it with curling and shinty?