Friday, May 17, 2013

Eurovision: go Nigel go!

Farage, Kilroy-Silk, Monckton and EDL numbskull

After his rather embarrassing by-election launch for Aberdeen Donside which happened in, er... Edinburgh, Farage has decided to prove a point to the 'Union-Jack hating Jocks' and to conquer Eurovision for Gwate Bwitain!

His posh voice and rousing oratory were sadly drowned out in Edimbourg by angry Jocks and some English students singing 'bawbag' at him. Cue the 'taxi for Nigel' but unfortunately for Lord Falange, not one but two Edinburgh cabbies took one look at the millionaire charlatan and bolted.

He's back though and he has a band with him.

Monckton - not a swivel-eyed facsist
His aim is to recreate Bucks Fizz's barnstorming Dambuster raid on Eurovision in 1981 that stole the Euro crown from Johnny Foreigner. For this he has recruited one-time ego-rival Robert Kilroy-Silk to woo the ladies. Farage knows that Eurovision thrives on a certain freaky and boundary-pushing unpredictability and so has recruited fellow toff Christopher Monckton - a.k.a. 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley. Monckton is said to be planning a pole-dancing routine he learned in one of Farage's favourite strip-clubs which will be so heavy with homo-eroticism that it will once and for all, end all rumours that UKIP are a fiercely homophobic party. Lastly, Oswald Farage knows the importance of youth and has signed up an edgy EDL football thug to provide a drum-n-bass style interlude and some 'muscle'.

However, the blogosphere has laid into Faradge with customary cynicism. Planet Ivy talks of its oddball members. A Thousand Flowers has the temerity to award Gills Farage with its 'Weekly Wanker Award'. National Collective has stepped in with a history lesson. And finally...

The good old British Broadcasting Corporation - that organ of Ugly Scottish Nationalism since 1707 - has weighed in to put in the boot... 

 

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