More fodder for Britain's foreign wars

Hey, there's a recession on. Factories, companies and shops are closing and shedding jobs faster than an ascendant Nu-Labour minister can shed dodgy facial hair (think Peter Mandelson, Alastair Darling and possibly Claire Short). So, according to the laws of Fool Britannia and her history of perma-war, go and boost the numbers of squaddies. Hence, we see 1000 new members of Her Majesty's Taleban Bait take her schilling. Many of them, by their own admission, have few if any qualifications and little hope of another job in their ane wee pairt of Scotland.

So, who holds the moral high ground here? And do any of us really believe that when some of these men die that it will make Scotland a better place?


In recent days, we've seen much discussion about council and government budgets. The Hootsmon/ Scottish Daily Mail has trumpeted about 'reasonable' opposition to expenditure on Gaelic, as if Gaelic script costs more than English. Glasgow has threatened to close libraries and swimming pools. And no financial support is forthcoming for traditional and threatened distilleries such as Tamdhu or the Johnnie Walker base in Kilmarnock.

War, though, is always a good investment. So, does Gordon Brown's 'moral compass' dictate that on top of bankrupt Britain's £multi-billion deficit in financial terms, we can add a cost of blood?

Edinburgh Roc, whisky and German sweeties

Roc na Gàidhlig saw three excellent Gaelic-singing rock bands of differing genre deliver some roasting new Gaelic music to a bitterly cauld Forest Cafe in the new Gaidhealtachd of Dùn Eideann. I once saw the Forest described as a kind of 'hippie Starbucks'. Does that mean a laidback cafe with broken windows and one toilet cubicle per 100 people? Whatever, in this age of cynical capitalist greed that sees bankers getting golden handshakes while all sorts of working folk - including those at Johnnie Walker and Tamdhu - facing the dole, it's good to see some kind of cooperative venture apparently succeeding.

Hey, there may be some tosspots involved in these things but that's life. Show me one microcosm of human activity that doesn't include some conflict with those involved.

Speaking of tosspots... senile Tory Hibee and Edinburgh Evil News columnist John Gibson failed to show up for Roc na Gàidhlig. As did his fellow pro-ignorance campaigners Iain Whyte and Michael Blackley. If only they'd known that Edinburgh Gael and punk 'legend' Ruairidh Polloi was handing out whisky to all who wished a wee slug of the uisge-beatha.


High-Commissioner aint really my taste but recent weeks have seen me have plenty of the good stuff. Frau Wind and Cloud was fortunate enough to score a birthday-present bottle of Cadenhead's 2001 bottling of an 11yo bourbon hogshead Inchgower at 61%. Beautiful stuff and classic Inchgower. A fruit-salad nose gives way to honey and salt on the tongue. Superb stuff. It also goes great with 'Salzige Heringe' - a kind of salty liquorice chewy sweet from the north of Germany.

It's also the time of year that our Deutsch freunden start eating the stollen that they baked a few weeks previously. This sugary fruit-loaf type of thing goes well with our old Ileach friend Lagavullin 16. The 'Lag a' Mhuillinn' btw was picked up for a mere £30 odd from Wine Rack - another store facing the good auld capitalist axe.

With the boom and bust brothers of Tory and New Labour looking to win the right to run/ruin 'Great' Britain sometime next year - and both of them seeking to plunge the Great Satan into even deeper debt with more spending on nuclear weapons and foreign wars - then it has to be time for Scots to seriously think about going it alone.

Kris Boyd of Finland, Thatcher and evil Edrington

A week is a long time in politics. It's also about the right length of time for Kris Boy of Rangers to grow a buff and macho Tom of Finland-esque 'tache. The rotund bench-warmer is infamous for his lazy ways but is obviously no slouch when it comes to sporting decorative fluff on his fizzog. Word has it in the lodge at Shrubhill that it's a mark of respect for the late Freddie Mercury in the week that ex-members of Queen took the stage at Edinburgh Playhouse for some kind of musical that's taking place there. 'Queen' after all is a kind of buzzword down Ibrox way. Every fortnight, the pious hordes there implore God to save her. Historians also believe that another Ibrox icon, 'King' Billy, was also a queen of sorts. Pictured above is Kris, in the cap, and his strike partner Kenny Miller, in blond wig, in training before getting humped by Stuttgart.


Talking of King Billy, just weeks after the Orange Order and Labour joined forces to 'defend the union', Gordon Brown has enlisted another force in progressive politics to 'fight to preserve the Socialist Union of Great Britain'. Brown met with the hideous auld harridan Thatcher to discuss 'the Scottish problem'. So look forward to whisky taxes going up, more Labour opposition to a fair system of council finance and yet more tax-money wasted on nuke submarines, aircraft carriers and illegal wars against third world countries.

As a historical note, after Butcher Cumberland's ethnic cleansing of the Highlands following Culloden the Scots named a weed, 'Stinking Billy', after the fat fascist fck. It seems too that our fave supermarket Lidl has named one of it's whiskies after the Incontinent Lady. Queen Margot is a particularly cheap and vile beverage and one that lays waste to your taste buds quicker than you can say 'General Belgrano' or close down a coalmine.

On the whisky front, another blood-sucking huge company is seeking to close down an auld distillery. This time it's Edrington who, according to a report in the Herald, "reported a 30% rise in pre-tax profits to £95m on a 44% sales increase to £420m." Sounds good. But obviously not good enough as Edrington now plans to mothball Tamdhu distillery in Speyside. Ironically, this would increase the value of the Tamdhu that's already sitting in casks, much to Edrington's increased profit but also of little or no benefit to those 20 or more local families affected by this decision.

Never mind, as Thatcher said, 'there is no such thing as society'. Gord Broon would agree, I'm sure.

Dùn Eideann recognising it's Gaelic past and present

This week saw Edinburgh's much maligned cooncil publish it's Gaelic Language Plan. This has been a rude awakening to those in Dùn Eideann who claim that the city has absolutely no Gaelic history or present. These people include perennial bigots like the Tory Hibee and all round jakie John Gibson who has been peddling his drivel in the much declining local Evening News for longer than i can remember. Add to this Michael Blackley's biased piece of 'news' on this issue and city Tory fuehrer Iain Whyte (note the Gaelic name) who claims that Gaelic is as foreign as French or German!

I wonder if Iain Shyte could point to many French/German placenames in Edinburgh? Or detail French/German church services going back centuries? Or famous poets of these tongues buried here? Of local school kids or rock bands using these languages? No, of course he can't and that's why Iain Whyte is just another ignoramus and bigot.

Perhaps he should read his own council's Language Plan which states:

Many place names derive from Gaelic, such as Balerno (Baile Àirneach, sloe settlement), Craigentinny (Creag an t-Sionnaich, fox rock), and Dalry (Dail Fhraoich, heather slope). Edinburgh, through much of its history the nation’s capital and leading centre of commerce, learning and the arts, has continually drawn people of all languages and cultures, including Scotland’s Gaels. Among the best known of those who spent significant parts of their lives in the capital over the centuries are poets, writers and musicians: from Donnchadh Bàn Mac-an-t-Saoir (Duncan Ban Macintyre, 1724-1812), who lived and wrote here in the later 18th century and whose grave lies in Greyfriar’s churchyard; Niall MacLeòid (Neil MacLeod, 1843-1924), perhaps the most popular Gaelic poet of the 19th century, Alasdair MacIlleMhìcheil (Alexander Carmichael, 1832-1912), editor of the folklore collection Carmina Gadelica, the 20th century poets Somhairle MacGill-Eain (Sorley MacLean, 1911-96) and Deòrsa mac Iain Deòrsa (George Campbell Hay, 1915-84), to Donnie Munro of Runrig.

The full plan is available to read by clicking here.

The plan could be stronger - for example, there is no stand alone Gaelic primary school yet in the pipeline. Glasgow is already looking to open its 2nd such school and Inverness is now planning to extend it's own bunsgoil due to demand. However, it will be a pleasure to see 'Fàilte do Dhùn Eideann' signs on our city boundaries and local signs in Tollcross.

Gaelic of course plays a major part in Edinburgh's history - we can see this in the local placenames left by past Gaelic-speaking communities as well as in the stories of past kings such as Malcolm Canmore. However, Gaelic is still a living part of Edinburgh. It may be a small part but do we really want to go down the road of denying 'minorities' rights and services?

One example of this is the forthcoming Roc na Gàidhlig 2009 which will showcase some contemporary Gaelic music and culture and not just auld folk songs. Funnily enough it features two Edinburgh bands who sing in Gaelic. Maybe the likes of John Gibson, Iain White (or Johann Blanc to give him his preferred Franco-Germanic moniker) and Michael Blackely could make it along, if not to throw horns at the Gaelic thrash of Atomgevitter, then to engage in some robust discussion with young Gaels. See you at the Forest folks.

Foulkes celebrates the Gaelic festival of Oidhche Shamhna

Rumours have it that Jambo peer George Foulkes has been seen traipsin the streets of Edinbugger with his auld pal Jack McConnell who in celebration of Oidhche Shamhna/ Halloween has dressed himself up as 'an ex Worst Minister'. Foulkes himself has been chappin doors, claiming to be a 'Socialist Lord', singing 'The Sash' and asking folk if he can have their nuts.

This comes on the same day that the Catholic Church has announced to the world that Halloween is 'Anti-Christian'. Foulkes and New Labour have responded with a press-release issued to them by their new Unionist allies, the Orange Order, in which they claim that the Pope himself is the 'Anti-Christ'. Elsewhere, ordinary people will ignore the nonsense of both the Vatican and Orange Order and celebrate this auld pagan Gaelic festival by having a laugh.

Oidhche Shamhna (Samhain's Eve) marked the end of summer and beginning of winter in the ancient Gaelic calendar. It was thought that at this time, the 'door' between our world and the world of the dead would be opened slightly, allowing for spirits and other creatures to sample the other side. This obviously was in pre-enlightenment days. However, science and reason have still to reach some quarters and i don't just mean the scaremongers, bigots and outright nutters of the Vatican and Orange Order who still peddle an altogether more sinister fantasy. We still have 'mystical Celts' who actually believe in sithichean, troichean, taibhsean, bocain, manaidhean, eich-uisge and other mythological supernatural beings from Gaelic tradition. These mystics and boolshitters are happy to use science in the form of the Internet to propagate their delusion and sales-pitches though funnily enough, few of them actually seem to be 'Celts' in the sense that they speak a Celtic tongue.

One such place is the 'Tir na nOg Holistic Centre' which despite being in Scotland, uses the Irish Gaelic for it's name. It is celebrating 'Samhain' (which simply means November to modern Gaels) with a firewalking session. Well-off mystics who possess more money than sense (and probably an accent that is more Cambridge than Carlabhagh) will have to part with £60 for the privilege though.

As they say... "A ceremonial fire will be lit and carefully tended as the group spends the evening in activities which will strengthen the sense of connection to ancestral lines, bring into focus the hopes and dreams waiting to be realised, and identify and break through fears or blocks standing in the way of those dreams. The evening’s main event, walking on red hot coals, will be a symbolic moment of incredible power - firewalking is a metaphor for all those moments in life when we have a choice..."

Curiously enough, traditional pagan sacrifice and blood-letting seems to have escaped transition into modern 'Celtic' celebrations.

Choice? Well, i certainly don't choose to be fleeced by charlatans whose idea of 'Celtic' is some mystical otherworld which probably never existed. And, if it did exist, there's probably a good reason why our ancestors stopped throwing rowan berries at water-horses - i.e. they eventually realised that such creatures don't fkn exist!

This all reminds me of Sharon MacDonald's excellent, 'Reimagining Culture', an academic study of a real Celtic community in Skye. In it, MacDonald talks of the White Settlers who came to northern Skye expecting to experience a Celtic paradise a la Tir nan Og. Instead, they found to their disgust crofters who drove tractors and shell-suited youths who spoke Gaelic amongst each other and laughed when the Settlers entered the local shop. Worse than that, the Celtic locals were so blinded by modern technology that they refused to share their knowledge of local fairies and keening at wakes.

So, this Oidhche Shamhna, the only spirits I'll be meeting will bear names like Ardbeg, Inchgower and Laphroaig.

Punk whisky tasting and loony politics

Oi Polloi's recent Autumnal jaunt to Deutschland on their 'Roctober' tour was a chance to indulge big time. However, the immersion into a life of loud punk rock, lots of good beer, irregular inputs of nutrition, daily autobahn travel and a lack of sleep left me a shadow of my former self. How can middle-aged men (well, 35 upwards) do this on a regular basis?

On the plus side, German beer is always an attraction. The trip through Edinburgh's duty-free is aye a chance to check out the whisky. Free samples were had of Balvenie Rum Cask - excellent stuff - and the Auchentoshan desk was surrounded by Polloi and their hangers-on. The Auch 18yo went down very well, and it wasn't even midday yet.

Once in Germany, talk turned to a bunch of loony anarchists who call themselves 'Anti-Deutsch' and who threaten to picket and disrupt any activities they deem to be 'anti-Semitic'. As this lot support Bush and Blair's war in Iraq, frown upon the speaking of German or Gaelic (even in their respective countries) as 'nationalist', and support Israeli phosphorous bombing of schools... they need a very wide net to catch all us 'anti-Semites'. Fortunately for us, this quasi-religious sect has very few hands with which to grab yon all-encompassing net and their activity was limited to grunts of dissaproval and calls for Anarcho-Semitic revolution from a colourless wee blog, written in...er... German. I guess their Hebrew aint up to much yet.

Interestingly, 'Semite' refers to the family of languages of the Palestinian region and included Arabic and Hebrew and gave birth to the subset of myths known as Christianity, Judaism and Islam. One language says 'shalom' and the other 'salaam'. How different can they be? Not much. But why let logic get in the way of good divisive blood-spilling mumbo-jumbo?

Meanwhile, England's very own bunch of loony politicos, the BNP, are apparently in turmoil after fat toff Griffin's pretty crap performance on Question Time. Griffin, despite being a twisted Tory bastard, is apparently the 'nice' face of this bunch of nazis. However, it seems that the 'not so nice' other face is gurning big time about their 'weak' leader. Is there a split on the horizon? Could be, especially when this hugely homophobic party start finding out that their overwhelmingly male membership aint actually that straight.


Worse than this though, at least on a personal level, was the earth-shaking and techno-esque (think of Joey Beltram and NJoi) snoring of Norman Silver. Worse even than the distribution - 'according to anarchist principles' - of a bottle of Queen Margot in Hamburg. It has to be said though that the punters enjoyed their Scottish windae-cleaner. Let's hope they get the chance to try the good stuff.

And, the 'good stuff' has to include Bunnahabhain's Darach Ur.

Slàinte mhath to a good night's sleep.

Old Etonian expense fiddlers aim for the bad auld days

Deja vu or what? Watching the parade of portly white Old Etonian multi-millionaires at the Tory conference took me back a few years though this time, things are a wee bit different. This time, the posh boys have been caught with their hands in the till. Yet, despite the expenses fiddle, the heirs to hereditary fortunes are telling us to tighten our belts and prepare for wage-freezes should they take power next year.

Anyone who can remember the unrest of the Miners' Strike and Poll Tax defiance knows what's in store.

Take one wee trip through Conservative blog world and through the likes of the Tax Payers' Alliance et al and you'll find numerous rabid Brit-Nat right-wingers, English nationalists, anti-Europe xenophobes and Tory libertarians frothing at the mouth about the need to end the NHS, smash the BBC, promote tax-cuts for the rich etc...

(Strangely though for 'Conservatives' who are anxious to defend 'traditional' Britain, they seem only too keen to stop support for indigenous British languages such as Gaelic and Welsh.)

Yet, as reported today, Tory MP Eleanor Laing has yet to repay £25k as trumpeted by rotund toff David Cameron. Several Tory and Labour MPs have agreed to 'step down' at the next election - however, this means that they will still be able to pocket their very generous pensions. It's worth remembering that many of these scroungers are also on the payrolls of various companies who reward them well for their 'work' as 'consultants' and directors. Compare this to the whinging of both Tory and Labour about dole scroungers.

The Tories too seem set to continue Labour's fashion for promoting unelected friends to positions of power via the House of Lords. It is amazing that this lot are anywhere near power in the year 2009. Ok, so they may have one or two token blecks popping up amongst the jowelly white fizzogs and one or two horse-faced ladies given a temporary reprieve from maintaining family values in the home but it's a sad reflection on Labour rule that a bunch of Victorian-value junkies are within a bawhair of power.

The only fear is that the English will turn to neo-fascist heidbangers like UKIP and the BNP in protest instead of more reasonable alternatives such as the Greens. Fortunately, Scotland still shows every sign of putting a more progressive foot forward by increasing the vote of the SNP. But, will it be enough to sever the ties between us and the backward, corrupt and increasingly unnecessary Westminster parliament?



Credit: the above photo was kindly donated to Tocasaid by the Daily Mail (still reeling from the Twitter campaign to subvert their racist poll), who also pointed out that David Cameron and Boris Johnson are nowhere to be seen in it. The names are as follows:
1. Arrogant Wank 2. Arrogant Wank 3. Arrogant Wank 4. Arrogant Wank 5. Arrogant Wank 6. Arrogant Wank 7. Arrogant Wank 8. Arrogant Wank 9. Arrogant Wank

No smoke but strong whisky aye - Christy Moore on the road

Our lungs may be glad for the absence of smoke and many of us still glad for the presence of strong whisky. Though i understand that the Irish legend Christy Moore has had to cut back on that too in recent years. Fortunately, he's still visiting his usual haunts with his passionate and political ballads and singalongs. Scotland is doing reasonably well with gigs in Perth, Edinburgh and Glasgow coming up very soon.

Will be looking forward to the crowd-pleaser Viva la Quince Brigada - the account of Irish volunteers who stood against church and fascism in Spain. Worth remembering the Scottish sacrifice too, as detailed in the excellent Homage to Caledonia. With the attempts of certain neo-fascist parties to gain representation in our parliaments - it's worth remembering that fascism will use democracy if possible, before snuffing it out. No freedom for the scum who would deny it to others. So, raise a glass to those fought and still fight against fascism.

Clach air an càrn.

Gaelic Medium Education - more evidence for benefits

A new report from Highland Council has detailed the higher attainment of Gaelic Medium pupils. New report, but not really 'news'.

"Pupils learning Gaelic "match and better" their peers in other subjects, Highland Council has said.

It said figures compiled from SQA exam results showed more credit level awards were attained in the language than for English.

The council said youngsters taking Gaelic medium education also performed well at maths."

It really isn't rocket science - not in this day and age. Until the 70s, when Gaelic was still being beaten and ridiculed out of kids whose families and communities spoke nothing else, it was thought by some that belting a child into speaking only one tongue would set him up in the world. Surely in Scotland, in 2009, there is no excuse for leaving a child with only 'one window on the world'. Gaelic speaking kids even speak better English, if that's what matters to you.

In short, monoglots are in the minority in the world. Most people can speak more than one language. Many can speak 3 or more local tongues. The benefits have been documented by the likes of Chomsky, Colin Baker, Richard Johnstone and Sorace. It's been recognised in Wales and in the Basque Country for decades now.

Let's leave the old mindset behind. The full report on BBC Scotland can be read here.

Scotland: giving away our jewels

Dougie MacLean & Kathy Mattea - Turning Away

Progress marches on. Anything else is by nature 'conservative', i.e. backward and stuck in the past. But progress can also include a recognition and a will to retain that which is of value. Is it part of the 'Scots cringe' that sees us let that which is of immense value slip away? Gaelic is one example. It is at the heart of our identity as Scots. It is our oldest tongue - already producing classical poetry when the English language was barely an offshoot of Germanic Anglo-Saxon. Many foreigners cannot understand why most Scots don't speak it. Especially in today's age when the cognitive benefits of bi and multi-lingualism are evident - from Chomsky's 'innate grammar mechanism' in children's brains to the advantages of bilingualism as evidenced by Colin Baker in Bangor. Hey! Gaelic and other languages are GOOD for kids. Maybe we were WRONG to waste money and time beating it out of them in the first place?

"On Loch Etive they have worked with their Highland dreams
By Kilcrennan they have nourished in the mountain streams
And in searching for acceptance they had given it away
Only the children of their children know the price they have to pay"

It's also the wee treasures we let slip too - and often without a fight.

Alcohol is important to us apparently. But that doesn't stop multi-national companies like Diageo, who made some £2billion in profit last year, from destroying communities at a whim. They also hold many other fragile and rural distilleries in their hands and we have to be grateful for it. But, when the goodwill runs out...?

Even, our pubs and inns are routinely destroyed - either by voracious 'pub chains' who turn them into plastic, soulless shells or by arrogant incomers with no thought for local culture.

Some examples spring to mind.

The Tron Tavern in Edinburgh. Once a traditional 'Scottish' pub but one without a 'theme'. Different floors, wide selection of drinks, traditional musicians coming and going. Now, it's so shit, even students don't go there.

The latest which has been hitting headlines and forums is the demise of the Glenuig Inn in Moidart. Gleann Uige only got a road linking it to the rest of the mainland in the 60s and has remained a relatively traditional but still vibrant part of the Gaidhealtachd. From it came the three MacDonald brothers - excellent Gaelic-speaking world-renowned pipers in the traditional mold. The Inn too, until recently was oak-lined, warm and welcoming and a hub of the community. However, it's been bought over by a 'blow-in' from England who wants to turn it into a 'niche enterprise' and 'green' business. This translates as, getting rid off the good beers, ripping out the auld oak interior, turning into a cold and characterless shell, farting about with opening hours and literally telling locals and tourists alike to 'take a hike' around the nearby peninsula if they disagree. His latest 'green' venture, as reported in the Times, is to buy the anchorage and rent off the moorings to rich yacht owners and to make sure the local fishermen go the same way as the local inn he has destroyed.

And, our new 'eco-landlord' can't understand why the locals are resisting his Cromwellian attempt to civilise them. This guy was born in the wrong age. Colonial India would've been his very own 'niche'. Surely, it's time for us to take back control? Leave the Scots cringe in the past where it belongs.

"In darkness we do what we can
In daylight we’re oblivion
Our hearts so raw and clear
Are turning away, turning away from here"