Occupy London: God gets tough

The end was nigh and so it was done. The Occupy London protesters at St Paul's Cathedral in the centre of the Great Satan had paraded their heresy and stinking sodomy - behind tent canvas - for far too long.

In the early hours of this morning, God and his son on earth, Boris, appeared in the company of several hundred modern angels and disciples - bailiffs and riot cops to non-believers - and whipped the heretics away in a wind of righteous fury.

No more shall the lambs of God in the City be reminded of their greed and incompetence which contributed to the present recession. Here in the new Jerusalem, they shall be free to enjoy their large bonuses while the great unwashed are smited with job losses, public service cuts and homelessness.

It is also foretold in the scriptures that many foreign guests will soon arrive to be greeted in the new Jerusalem by the prophets Dave and Nick Cleggeron. There shall be no upturning of tables in this marketplace.

Amen.

Further reading from the book of the BBC:

Gentlemen and ladies, it's time to move on”

David Buik, Financier

The proximity of Gaelic

Speaking to a teacher recently who had worked for a year or two in New Zealand, I found out that all primary children there learn not only some basic Maori but learn about the place of Maori in the history and culture of the country. Maori itself though is a relative newcomer to the islands - it is thought that Maori speaking people settled there around 1000 years ago. To compare to Scotland, our last indigenous people have been here for twice that or more.

Because of this, Scottish/ Gaelic is all around us in Scotland. Though if we don't speak Gaelic or learn it to some extent and aren't told about it, we don't know. The obvious step for Gaelic activists and for a Scottish government should be to make people aware of their history and environment. This should be fundamental to anyone who calls themselves an internationalist - if you don't have a nation and culture of your own, then what are you going to take to the international stage?

The Scottish Government recently announced that Scottish Studies would be mandatory at some stages of a child's education. This frightened some of the usual naysayers who see anything Scottish as being inherently inferior. To most of us, a journey into Scotland's past and present history and culture is a fascinating one. We could go back to the days when lynx and wolves were plentiful. Or examine the reasons for the building of the various monuments at Calanais or the settlement at Skara Brae. We could study the composition of Y Gododdin and the real meaning of the term 'British'. There is the Celtic knotwork and the thesis, from musicologist John Purser, that instead of being just a pretty pattern it was actually an early method of transcribing music. There are also the Picts who may have died out as a separate grouping of tribes but whose DNA lives on in many of today's Gaelic speaking population. And, of course, there's the role and place of Gaelic.

Recent evidence would suggest that the Gaels were not invaders from Ireland 1500 years ago but that they'd lived in Argyll for as long as the Picts had lived in other parts of our landmass. Sadly, Pictish is no longer with us though it is likely that some of it entered the Gaelic language.

Finally, we have a campaign to make people aware of the Gaelic that they already have on their lips in everyday Scottish language. The posters which highlight well kent words in Scotland come courtesy of Ulpan - a group that facilitates the 'ulpan' method of language teaching for the Scottish tongue. Maybe the next step is to make people aware of the Gaelic on their doorsteps? In and around Edinburgh, this could include Calton Hill as Cnoc Challtainn - Hill of the Hazel Trees or Craigentinny as Creag an t-Sionnaich or Rock of the Fox.

After all, knowledge is power and many in our society - such as racists, Unionists and religious extremists - garner their strength through ignorance and fear.

Gaelic/ Scottish then is our present and living connection to our distant past.

Further reading/ listening:
A New History of the Picts, Stuart McHardy
Scotland's Music, John Purser
Scottish Place-name Society/ Comann Ainmean-aite na h-Alba

Second boozebus needed for Scottish Labour

With Eric Joyce managing to withdraw his head from his own erse for long enough to stick it on a Tory MP, the once stiff-backed sudger has seen his once 'promising' career finally hit the bottom of the glass. Years of fleecing the public purse either directly via his 'expenses for oil paintings' escapade or indirectly through his frequent indulgence in the subsidised bar in the House of Commons have seen his political fortunes come to resemble his haggard and careworn alcohol-beaten visage.

Labour wait years for a Boozebus and now they all come at once.

Forward with Labour. For..where with...Labour?

The most intriguing thing about it is just what the fluk did the Tory say to deserve such a mauling? I'd like to think that the Tory MP for Pudsey (really), Stuart Andrew called him a 'porridge wog and subsidy junkie who doesn't have the balls to go for independence'. Joyce was so inebriated that forgetting he was a Labour stooge, gave Andrew a hiding that he won't forget anytime soon. Not satisfied with sticking the heid on a Tory he leathered a few of his Labour comrades who came to the defence of the milk-snatcher.

Another angle is that the Welsh and openly gay Andrew is a bit two-faced when it comes to his politics. It seems that over the years he's played for both Hearts and Hibs, politically speaking, and jumped side depending the prevailing mood of the time.

Whatever, its kind of amusing to see the Unionists being so... disunited.

On top of the current Labour meltdown in Glasgow, the Tom Harris idiocy and the failure of several cocksure MSPs to hold their seats at last year's Scottish elections, this would seem to be another nail in Scottish Labour's coffin. The party are bankrupt and redundant on many fronts. The best approach for Scottish Labour is to cut ties with bloated and corrupt London and start again in an independent Scotland. Some have floated the idea of 'Labour for Independence'. Do they have the clachan for it though?

So many devils to sup with...

So, the great horned one has spoken from his British lair in Wapping and apparently declared his support for a 'competitive Scotland'. That could of course mean independence or maybe he's just wishing Craig Levein luck in the national fitba team's encounter with Slovenia next week.

He has however been unequivocal in his praise for Alec Salmond as the best politician in these islands. The other bit-part politicians in the Parish of North Britain have not been pleased and have passed around enough sour grapes between them to make Jeremy Clarkson's haemorrhoids seem few and far between.

Willie 'warmer' Rennie of the Scottish ConDems revelled in the rancid vineyard more than most and said that Murdoch's eight words would not convince 'us' to move forward to a progressive independent Scotland that is not ruled by a minority government of ex-Eton Tories propped up by his party.

Rupert Murdoch is without doubt a grade-A cnut. But, let's face it, an independent Scotland is gonna attract the attention of saints and sinners alike. Scots or those who support our independence are not inherently 'good'. And neither are those who support a conservative and warmongering United Kingdom inherently a bunch of crackpots, Europhobes, Nazis and dinosaurs.

It's still worth casting an eye over Willie Rennie's bedfellows in the fight to 'Keep Brutain United' and to 'Keep Scotland Brutish'. Are they any better or worse than Rupert Murdoch. As ever, Tocasaid lets you - the reader - decide....

The BNP, seen here in former times

The Orange Order - no surrender to progress

Loudmouth bigot, Ian Paisley

Aye, that Ian Paisley

Er... a long-dead and 'metro-sexual' foreign monarch.

Thatcher and friends

Thatcher's apprentice

Oswald Mosely and his British Union of Fascists would approve .

The horny-handed sons of toil in UKIP.

And lastly, Jeremy Clarkson.

Future past times in London with Queen Fabio

Kind of. But why does London-centric English society revel in the past? Any nation could be forgiven for wanting to relive past glories. We remember Bannockburn for example, though I'd say that for 99% of those wanting independence for Scotland, a glorious victory over invading oppressors in 1314 is not a blueprint for a future progressive Scotland. Neither do we want another crack at the Darien scheme.

Not so for much of English society. The past is being regurgitated quicker than Boris Johnson can cough up blond hairballs.

There's the minor matter of the England football manager's position. Fabio, the swarthy foreigner, has been sent packing back to Italy. Not only that but he should never really have come in the first place despite the English FA offering him £6m. Jawn Terwy may not be an out an out Nazi and more of village idiot but, either way he is not really 'role model' stuff. Surely though the manager of any team should be consulted on team selection? Has Vladamir Romanov bought the FA?

Therefore, the role models of the tabloid press are calling for steadfast woight Englishman to deliver what England expects. Now that Argentina are gurning once more about those Malvinas, they need someone who can sock it to the Argies in EURO 2012. Now there's a conundrum! If the Malvinas are 'British' and therefore European, why can't nearby Argentina join in EURO 2012?

Never mind, the new woightman in the English hot-seat could always feed the tabloid dogs by having a go at the Germans who England defeated in two world wars and one world cup. The Germans should be easy pickings as they've never won any major trophy and their economy is in tatters due to having adopted the Euro.

Speaking of Germans though, it's the diamond jubilee of Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg. Now, what could be more fitting in this glorious 60th year of her reign than to give her the England manager's job. On one hand, the tabloids would have their 'pure' Englishperson at the helm but on the other, it would also satisfy the lefties as the FA would now become a beacon for gender equality.

We no longer have a woman PM in Downing Street but David Cameron and his younger twin, Nick Clegg are champin at the bit to show that they can match the Iron Lady for warmongering in times of hardship. The economy is still fckd, their plans to wreck the NHS are coming unstuck and the Porridge Wogs in Scotchland are refusing to bend to London's will. After joining with the French to kick Gadaffi's ass, what better than Falklands Manager 2012?


After all, the population of the Malvinas are all woight and they love the Union Jack more than their brethern in Belfast so its our duty to defend... er their right to self-determination. Just hope the Jocks don't get wind of that. The idea that 'Britain' may have in the past ejected present islanders and replaced them with a bunch of sheep farmers from Scotland and Wales is irrelevant. In fact, recent research by English historian David Starkey shows that tectonic forces pushed the islands from their former position off the Devon coast to their current far-flung remoteness in the Southern Hemisphere.

All in all, there's never been a better time to break away though in the meantime I could live with the Sex Pistols or Laibach hitting number one this summer.