Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Scottish Cenobite and Unionist Party versus botulism

Toxicity has taken hold in Scotland. Loyd Grossman has flooded Alba with jars of botulism sauce in a desperate attempt to overtake the Tories in the popularity stakes. The Tories have revelled in their sickness for years like a collective Dennis Nilsen. However, the turkey jowled Murdo Fraser thought it time to kill of the toxicity of the Tories by whisking them in an autoclave. Some thought it a clever ploy, to kill of the Tories by name and reinvent them as something even more sinister - Bavarian nationalists!  Fraser though just nicked his idea from the Wiki entry on botulism:
Conservatism can be prevented by killing the spores by pressure cooking or autoclaving at 121 °C (250 °F) for 3 minutes or providing conditions that prevent the spores from growing. The toxin itself is destroyed by normal cooking processes - that is, boiling for a few minutes.
Instead, a narrow majority of Tories kept hold of their spores and went radical. The appointment of Ruth Davidson is a bold step. Here is a senior Tory who is open about her sexuality, unlike half of the Tory cabinet in London. This is indeed momentous. This is the party who introduced the Section (Clause) 28 law which attempted to ban the 'teaching' of homosexuality in schools - an attempt to introduce it into Britain's zoos to stop homosexual behaviour amongst monkeys, penguins and even dragonflies narrowly failed. The Tories while having become more gay-friendly are still intent on shoving 'family values' down people's throats though. At a time of cuts, they are proposing tax-breaks for those who 'choose' to get married.

Whatever, it has to be said that it was refreshing to have a Tory leadership contest whereby the openly gay, or otherwise, candidates didn't suddenly get married to a hitherto unheard of 'long-term' partner of the opposite sex thus satisfying the cravings of the Daily Mail types who are the 'life' blood of the party.

Scottish Tories go all out for votes with new leader
What may be good for society is probably bad for Tories though and sure enough, the cracks are already showing. Within hours, Catholic conservative and self-proclaimed Celtic FC czar Paul McBride QC had resigned. The Pope's continued hostility to homosexuality was wisely not mentioned as a reason and instead, Paul the Victim merely stated that Davidson was 'not a very nice woman' and observed that 87% of the Scots electorate despise the party. Certainly, it hard to see this situation improving. With a party in disarray and a new leader who looks like the infamous Cenobite Chatterteeth from Hellraiser, their electoral fortunes are doomed to sink even further. Good riddance to them.

This would of course leave the way clear for Grossman's Botulism Party to fill that third position in Scottish politics and leave the less popular Tories/ Lib Dems fighting for the scraps at the bottom of the heap along with other anti-social irritants such as those who stick fireworks into kitten's tooshies.

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