Labour: missing

Murphy is in hiding. Perhaps in a designer McTernan chrysalis and about to re-emerge as yet another Jim Murphy - "At my service folks. One for me, all for me!"

Labour were horsed. Many in the party acknowledge that. Even their sole winner in Scotland - the UnionJack-clad Ian Murray seemed dumbfounded at the realisation that he, after polling well in the posh parts of south Edinburgh, was the last man standing.

It has been a slow demise though. To me, the best thing Labour in Noff Bwitan could do is to separate from the party HQ in London. If the prospect of Chukka Umunna as leader comes to pass and he does indeed take the party further to the right in order to win back the all important Middle-England, then what's left of Labour in the Scottish Parliament is sure to be further eroded.

Hearts fan Murray, or is it Rangers?

The problems are many and stretch back many years. Here's a wee saunter - in no particular order (hell - I don't enjoy Ian Murray's office expenses!) through Labour's shining path to oblivion in Scotland...

- Fascist Bastards! No, not the BNP, Ukip or even the SNP (patent pending Ian Smart) but striking firefighters. This came from the then Labour minister Dr Richard Simpson. Surely a man whose moral compass lies somewhere north of Tony Blair's broon-eye...


- Iraq. Maybe this over all others encapsulates the poverty of the modern Labour Party. Joining with a rabid neo-con US president to mercilessly bomb another nation that in no way threatened us with the loss of up 1 million lives is beyond belief.

- Immigration Mugs. This isn't the first time that Labour has tried to appear tough on immigrants but this was surely one of the most crass. I mean, what the fck! Labour, instead of taking on Ukip and the BNP and fighting for immigrants and explaining the benefits of immigration get into bed with der kleine Englander. 'We can goose-step' further than you....' Gordon 'moral compass' Brown himself lifted a National Front slogan from the 1970s - British Workers for British Jobs - to bolster his flagging campaign in 2010.

- Trident. I can mind the auld days when people like George Robertson and Murphy et al would join the CND marches. Even if you considered nuclear weapons a deterrent back in the days of the Cold War, there can surely be no justification for them now. Even army high-heid-yins and Portillo agree. It's vanity. A white fucking elephant. Even lonely Ian 'UnionJack' Murray agrees. How did he vote though...?

- Drones. No. Not the ones that Obama uses to massacre tribal children in Pakistan but the soulless careerists that took over the Labour Party... when? I don't know but probably around Kinnock's time. Just look at the likes of Murphy, Dougie Alexander, Alastair Darling as well as the 'new generation' of smooth city slickers already jostling for Weird Ed's vacated seat ... not a principled bone between them. I hope that the SNP never attracts this sort.

- Jim Murphy. There's so much been said about this guy and much in ridicule. The fact that he sits - not just as a supporter - but on the political council of the Henry Jackson Society is something that he should be confronted with. Somehow, I can't see Kaye Adams broaching the subject... Suffice to say, Murphy is toxic and only the gleeful coverage in the Unionist media of his Better Together antics has hidden this fact from some.

- PFI. It's still incredible to me that this was Labour's egg. And some wonder why many folk don't see any difference between Labour and Tory? The schools and hospitals that will be paying private-business pirates rent for the next century know this only too well.

- Better Together. And not only in the slimy campaign of scaremongering to save the bankrupt UK political system... Labour members were photographed not only with the Tories but with Ukip and National Front (!!!) activists in a desperate attempt to keep the Westminster trough open. During the #GE2015 campaign, Tories were seen at Labour Party stalls presumably to encourage a 'tactical' vote against those dangerous Nats.

What's left of a genuine left-of-centre Labour membership in Scotland needs to wake up and smell the coffee. Break from the Eton kids and banker-class of the south of England. Actually support the progressive policies of the SNP and Scottish Green Party when required to instead of blindly opposing everything they do like some buttock of an Old Firm tribalist. Lastly - when the next referendum comes - throw your weight behind the yes-campaign. A modern left-of-centre Labour Party that Keir Hardie would feel at home in, starting anew in an independent Scotland might just be the answer to SNP domination.

#GE2015: they said what?

It doesn't become Tocasaid to gloat in others misery but... seeing the queues of taxis taking away a succession of Labour and LibDem 'Portillos' is immensely satisfying. So, GIRUY. And, I really fkn hope that you do find out for real what it is like to survive on £55 a week.

Anyway, how did the high-heid-yins and talking heads in the world of politics fare - not only in the runup to #GE2015 - but in the previous years. Years that are important if we wish to examine the painful but deserved decline of the RedTories Labour Party in North Britain. Did the politicos really know any better than the footballers?

Firstly, here's the one-time socialist cum NATO chief, George Robertson AKA the Baron of Analingus Port Ellen:

"Devolution will kill Nationalism stone dead"

Now, there's the 'spider' that pulled the strings behind Jim Murphy's meltdown of a campaign - and other failures - John McTernan. The Mr Nasty of UK and Australian politics who makes Alasdair Campbell look like a life-giving ray of sunshine said,

"The No vote brings that fantasy (the SNP) to a juddering halt. The Tories will lose the 2015 general election."

oh, the Spider again,

"A no-vote will rejuvenate Scottish Labour".

Well, that one worked out well, eh?

Another nasty is George Galloway who himself is out on his arse.

"The SNP won't win a single seat from Labour."

Galloway needs to take the words 'single', 'seat' and 'Labour' and rearrange them into a new sentence.

Tha last word goes to the Dead Man Walking that is Jim Murphy,

"I'm astonished at how easy it's been to outwit the SNP"

Off to prepare the groundwork for some good drams later on. I'm sure this post will be a work in progress.

Edit: final word goes to Wings over Scotland, of course, with a pretty comprehensive account of the utter bullshit spoken by the deluded. Sure, we all make mistakes but even at the time these statments were patently ludicrous.

Revolution singalong: Murphy v. Leatherface

It's the song of the moment. Tracy Chapman's classic 'Talking 'Bout a Revolution' is the song of the morning and beyond. Jim Murphy and his election-lifebelt, Gordon Brown, were famously trolled by a young boy and his father in a pre-election school visit.

Murphy was cringeworthy in my opinion but then again, i'm no muso. Apart from the original, Sunderland's proletarian melody-makers Leatherface #fundilymundily get my vote.

Well, Jim Murphy thought he could schmooz a wee guy with a guitar at Braehead. So I played 'Talkin' About a Revolution' - I think the irony might have been lost!!` Lol
Posted by Matthew Gibb on Saturday, 2 May 2015

Football celebs vote in #GE2015!

We all know that Alex Ferguson is a Labour man, whatever their policies are. Also that ex-Hearts and Hibs red-card junkie Michael Stewart is an intelligent advocate of independence and is backing the SNP. Terry Butcher is, or at least used to be, a Tory. But, let's face it, fitba celebs rarely put their heads above the parapet on the political front.

Tocasaid will hazard a few guesses though.

So, with the election upon us and episodes of mindless sickening violence (see above) now in the past, let's enjoy some 90-minute nuggets...

First up is house-favourite Leigh Griffiths. Hibs fan and righteous Celtic FC forward has been banging in the hat-tricks lately. His ongoing hat-trick seems to be the triple-grudge of racism, homophobia and Islamophobia. That's surely makes him a Ukip man.

Moving slightly to the left, we have Ally McCoist. He's a well known Unionist and with Oldco Rangers having corned the right-wing conservative market for fans in recent decades, he's sure to be a Tory. In fact, I reckon he's so taken with Scottish Conservatism that he's morphing into Ruth Davidson.

Anne Budge of Hearts and Leanne Dempster of Hibs are two independently-minded women with clear visions of what their respective clubs should look like. They also thrive in an otherwise backward-male environment. That makes them SNP fans of oor Nicola.

Robbie Neilson. Young manager who's quiet demeanour has nevertheless yielded spectacular results for Hearts this season, albeit in the second tier. They won the league by a country mile as the SNP are predicted to do on May 7th. SNP again for this winner.

 

Lee 'Elbows' McCulloch. Past the sell-by date footballer and vicious hardman of The Rangers FC. Even his own fans don't like him. Other fans detest him. Referees don't know he exists. He's not very popular. He must be a Lib Dem.

Alan Stubbs. Used to be a likeable guy but has grown into one hell of a bitter man this season as Hibs yo-yo all over the place - one minute they're horsing Sevco and the next allowing Christian Nade of all people to dance around their defence and score. Given his bitterness towards other teams and fans coupled with the fact that his team finished a very distant second to winners Hearts, he has to be a Labour man. No Jim Murphy though as Stubbs is just bitter, not evil.

Inverness Caledonian Thistle. Hell, we may not all support them but most of us have a soft-spot for them. There's Yogi for a start who's gone from buffoon to manager of the year. And, there's the excellent Twitter account. The Frankie Boyle of the football Twitter world though not as foul-mouthed. They also love beating the corporate-corpse of Scottish fitba - Celtic FC. I'm sure they're partial to a few jars and a 'wee smoke'. Defo a Green Party team and what's wrong with that?

Angry denials or accusations of hate-speech here? Contact the Daily Mail. Corrections or suggestions? Post below.

Vote early, vote often, vote SNP.

Play Murphistory bingo now!

As we go to the polls with North Britain expecting a Labour meltdown, can you really get to the bottom of the enigma that is Jim Murphy? Is he a nice guy? Is he a nasty guy? Did he sniff glue? And, can he remember?

Now we, the once Labour-voting plebes, can join in the fun. What is true? What is fiction?

For added mystery, you can spin our Murphistory Quadruple Chance spin wheel!

So, get the family. Get their bahookies on those IrnBru crates (only provided with MPs' expenses) and play all night long! UHU too can be a Murphy!

For further research:

• http://www.counterfire.org/articles/opinion/17573-five-reasons-why-jim-murphy-s-election-is-bad-for-the-labour-movement
• http://wingsoverscotland.com/the-sure-thing/
• http://www.heraldscotland.com/news/home-news/jim-murphy-named-among-27-mps-in-new-expenses-row.1350640850
• http://autonomyscotland.org/jim-murphy-gift-snp/
• http://bellacaledonia.org.uk/2014/11/05/jim-murphys-selfless-devotion-to-scotland/
• http://caltonjock.com/2014/08/29/man-of-a-1000-faces-jim-my-way-or-the-highway-murphy-the-ups-and-downs-of-a-con-man/

Tormod a' Bhocsair...

Also known as Norman Campbell - Niseach and writer - in his additional language has passed away.

Clach air a chàrn.

Taing mhòr dha airson an iomadh pìos, alt agus leabhar taitneach bàrdachail is eirmseach. Sàr ghaisgeach saoghal nan Gaidheal. Dh’fhàg e iomadh pìos saothrach as a dhèidh agus gu cudromach, dh’fhàg e a’ Ghàidhlig aig a chloinn.

A true Gaidheal who worked on the croft and railways before becoming a teacher and writer. There are some who call themselves 'tradition bearers' at less than half Tormod's age and with a fraction of his life experience - both of the Gaelic world and of the inner city working class that he knew so well.

It's a testament to him that both I and my children still regularly enjoy his output for both adults and children. Deireadh an Fhoghair should rank as one of the finest works of Scottish literature and it would were it to be translated. For kids, his translations of a' Chaparaid, an Gruffalo and Spuinnedairean Dubh na h-Oidhche are full of entertaining and idiomatic Scottish/ Gaelic.

More importantly perhaps, he left Gaelic on his own kids' tongues unlike some of the bàrds and academics of the Gaelic.

Some question the need of Gaelic today when all of us can speak at least one other tongue. Without Gaelic, you couldn't appreciate Tormod a' Bhocsair's work. Literature and culture greatly adds to our experience. His work would be well worth learning our language for.

Tormod a' Bhocsair at BBC Alba

At Gaelic Wikipedia.