Thursday, May 17, 2012

Hearts and Hibs - those celeb supporters!



Its the most interesting Scottish Cup Final for a long time. The media are having a field day. To be honest its refreshing to have something different to Rangers' financial corruption and impending meltdown and Neil Lennon's incessant whinging.

Some attention has been paid to Hearts and Hibs' respective 'celebrity' supporters. Tocasaid would like to join in albeit from a different angle. Which celebs are most punk? The reasoning for this lies in the claim by millionaire stadium-rock guru (!!!) Bruce Findlay in the recent 'We Are Hibernian' book that Hearts' fans are 'establishment figures' and Hibs' fans are naturally 'anti-establishment'. Are all Hearts' fans - including myself - sinister right-wing Masonic types and all Hibs' fans cool boho types who strictly adhere to the laws of political correctness?

Let's find out...

Irvine Welsh
Team: Hibs
Notoriety: writer of Trainspotting and other classics, filthy and funny prose
Punk points: 9/10

Ken Stott
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: actor of the 'gritty and Scottish' mold, Rebus
Punk points:  6

The Proclaimers
Team: Hibs
Notoriety: penned the classic 'Letter to America', some other good ones and a lot of pseudo-country crap
Punk points:  5

'Thatcher you c...'
Wattie Buchan
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: lead singer of 80's street punk heroes the Exploited, lyrically 'uncomplicated' but he hates Thatcher and has led an extreme rock 'n roll lifestyle for decades now.
Punk points: 10

John Leslie
Team: Hibs
Notoriety: ex Blue Peter presenter and alleged sex-pest turned property developer
Punk points: 1

Mark E Smith
'A Lagavulin please'
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: founder of legendary Manchester post-punk indie rockers and heroes of the student union, the Fall, a working-class member of the SWP, whisky aficionado
Punk points: 9

Dougray Scott
Team: Hibs
Notoriety: actor of the dark and brooding type
Punk points: 5

Alex Salmond
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: well... he's the man with the plan for our nation - hope it works out
Punk points: 7 (on account of his unsettling of the London establishment and Eton old boys' network)

Eric Milligan
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: ex-Labour Provost of Edinburgh, debauched and enthusiastic arse licker
Punk points: 0

John Gibson
Team: Hibs
Notoriety: bigoted Evening News columnist of the right-wing shock-jock type, Tory bastard, hates Gaelic speakers
Punk points: -10

Ronnie Corbett
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: comedian of some renown, rumoured to be a Tory
Punk points: 1

Fish, 'these colours run'

Fish/ Derick Dick
Team: Hibs
Notoriety: somewhat pompous ex-singer of prog-rockers Marillion, supports Scottish independence
Punk points: 4

Alan G
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: guitarist of Edinburgh street punks, the Happy Spastics, Lochend anarchist and anti-fascist
Punk points: 9

Andy Murray
Team: Hibs
Notoriety: tennis player, known to 'bottle it' when on the verge of something great, likable guy otherwise
Punk points: 5

Chris Hoy
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: multi-gold medal winner at cycling, went to posh school though
Punk points: 4

Stephen Hendry
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: one of the best ever in the 'exciting' sport of snooker, quiet man, went to Dalkeith High School
Punk points: 5

He's a knight.
Sir Elton John
Team: Hibs
Notoriety: was given a Hibs' top after his 'storming' Easter Road gig a few years back. Seems like Hibs are his 'candle in the wind' of Scottish fitba.
Punk points: -1

Stone
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: Spanish singer of Berlin based rock band Frogcircus, lived in Gorgie Road
Punk points: 3

Frightened Rabbit
Team: Hearts
Notoriety: kind of cool and hirsute indie rockers from the Borders, take their music to all corners of Scotland
Punk points: 6

The science would seem to suggest that Hearts' take the prize. That leaves the Hibs' celebs to enjoy their runners up Simple Minds box-set.

3 comments:

hector said...

thought andy murray was a jambo

Mac an t-Srònaich said...

No, def a Hibee. Or is that a very dry sense of humour?!

Fro said...

Iggy Pop is a Hibby. Irvine Welsh gave him a Hibs top in the 1990s when Trainspotting came out so we should get a few points for him! Not sure he's been to a match though;-)