Saturday, August 29, 2009
Boycott Scatchland, Arsene Whinger, Diageo agus Scots' fitba
What a start to the new fitba season. Compassion is the IN-WORD. Having shown compassion to Al-Megrahi, I now call on Scots' Justice Secretary Coinneach MacAsgaill, he of good Isle of Lewis stock, to show equal compassion to Gary Caldwell of Glesgay Celtic, Christian 'Nada' Nade of Hearts and the high-heid-yins of Diageo. For they aint getting SFA from me.
The last 2 or 3 weeks, have seen Gary Caldwell outshine himself as an arsehole at every opportunity. Fine for Celtic, but his performance in Scotland's 4-0 drubbing by whale-killing alcohol-taxing Norway is unforgivable. Christian Nade has apparently been a professional footballer and striker for 9 years in which time he has 'amassed' 19 goals - that's 2.1 per annum. Why are cash-strapped Hearts paying this dud's wages and giving him games? His lumbering around the centre circle in Hearts' first leg game against Dinamo Zagreb was an embarrassing advert for Scottish football. Diageo are looking to sack hundreds of whisky jobs in Kilmarnock, simply because their profits are 'down' to £2billion.
On the bright side, the Yanks have realised that boycotting Scotland is not feasible. Refusing to use tarmacked roads, penicillin, television and phones has proved to be a step too far for the 0.0003% of Americans who could place Scotland on a map and have actually heard of Al-Megrahi or Lockerbie. Hearts' redeemed themselves in the second leg against Zagreb. I also hear from a Lochend Jambo and local punk rocker that he terrorised some 'Hibee Yahs' who were cheering on Dundee United in Mathers a few weeks ago. Apparently Hibs are the 'flair team' of Auld Reekie and Hearts are too un-PC. So, the 'Sex and the City' question this week is... Would Ben Fogle support Hibs?
Also, was good to see diving cheat Eduardo get collared by UEFA, much to the chagrin of Arsene Whinger of Arsenal. Now, let's see if the ugly sisters of the Old Firm promote the same justice when playing their fellow Scottish clubs.
As festival time draws to a close and thousands of zany Ben Fogle clones head back to the Great Satan, i managed to catch the free Rough Cut Nation exhibition of graffiti at the Portrait Gallery. It wasn't as intoxicating as the excellent Whisky Fringe two weeks ago but i was fair chuffed to see someone had captured Hibs' new forward line - see above. They might even score more goals than goalie MaKalamity can flap into his own net, but they won't get into many Edinburgh 'nightspots'.