The slavering James MacMillan

The highly esteemed, or is it just steaming? - composer James MacMillan CBE has opened his little bearded slit again. The pompous Tory and defender of the Catholic Church has this time pulled his wire in the direction of National Collective - comparing them to "Mussolini's followers" and whinging that artists should not support politicians.

Ho-ho! Firstly...

Being an evangelical proponent of Roman Catholicism, I would imagine that Fascist dictators are something MacMillan and his church know a lot about.

Secondly, while I agree that 'artists supporting politicians' probably ain't cool, coming from a pompous phallus like MacMillan whose name is suffixed by CBE it is a wee bit strange. It is worth remembering that CBE stands for Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire and is part of an 'order of chivalry' known as Most Excellent Order of the British Empire. How very progressive.

Lastly, to my knowledge, National Collective do not support any 'politicians' but seek self-determination and a progressive, fair future for Scotland.

Statue to MacMillan CBE in his native Ayr

Is he for real?

Alas, he is and he has form. He used to vote Tory but of late he has taken offence to the Scottish Tory leader, who happens to be gay, and her comments on Catholic schools. Interestingly, MacMillan was supported by the Glaswegian-turned-Irishman Phil Mac Giolla Bháin - a man who views love of Celtic FC and the Roman Catholic superstition as integral to the Irish ethnicity. Once upon a time, Phil used to be left-leaning proponent of Celtic solidarity but in his interview he gave the very Scottish and right-wing MacMillan carte-blanche to expound upon his 'social conservatism' and why the Tories should do more to attract Catholics to vote for them.

Funnily enough MacMillan seems to have kept schtum on the Catholic Crutch's shameful and ever-emerging record of child abuse. Why speak out on behalf of children - designated 'Catholic' by their parents - when you can lambast a lesbian Conservative on her opposition to segregated schooling? And, as he has a lingering interest in Fascist dictators, I wonder what his views are on the equally shameful collusion between the Catholic hierarchy and the Nazis?

I don't hold my breath.

Syria - who used the gas?

A brutal dictator that 'we' don't like anymore. The guy kills 'his' own people. He has a stockpile of horrid weapons - the kind of stuff that doesn't respect man-made borders. And, if that's true, it's means our pals over there - Israel - are threatened. Reason enough then to send in Bruce Willis to sort out those damn A-rabs...

Deja vu? How about Saddam? Bush and Blair meet up at their men's club to thrash out a propaganda job that claims Saddam's bombs could - will! - reach Londum in 45 minutes.

What do we know? Assad is a dictator who has oppressed his own people. Sure. And 'we' stood by and watched this happen. Sure... but we also stand by and watch David Cameron's pals in Bahrain and Saudi Arabia do much the same. We've stood by and watched China do the same for decades. China though is big enough, not only to bankroll the ailing US economy, but to kick our ass if we question their attitudes to democracy, free-speech, respect of international boundaries and human rights.

Incredible but true, a poor man's Bruce Willis

What else do we know? Apparently - the UN are or were satisfied at least - the Syrian rebels who William Hague wants to finance not only possess chemical weapons but have used them. We also know that the rebels' cause is going pear-shaped, Hibs-style. Assad knows that while 'us' in the 'West' may have hitherto stood by while Syrians slaughtered each other - any really heavy misdemeanour on his part could see the Yanks, the ConDem Brits and the newly bloodthirsty French come in to relieve him of his power and wealth with his likely execution filmed for the YouTube generation - a la Saddam and Gaddafi - to gawk at.

We also know that US and Brutish intervention in the middle-east does not usually end well. Afghanistan is hardly the land o the leal. Iraq has yet to see many of its wonders rated on TripAdvisor by bright-eyed backpackers from leafy Western suburbs. Libya lags someway behind Norway on the democracy, freedom and happiness fronts. Would Barrack 'Death by Drone' Obama be any better?

The answer? I don't have one... though if pressed, I'd go for dialogue over a foreign adventure that will only push the body count higher. It is good though to see some, such as the New York Times and Democracy Now explore the facts and ask questions of both sides while reminding us that the propaganda war is being played by both sides.

Channel 4 - Syria: the rebels battling for Assad's chemical weapons

NY Times - Images of Death in Syria, but No Proof of Chemical Attack

BBC London - what abuse scandal?

Some say that aspirations for Scottish independence are insular. Ditto the demands for a 'Scottish Six' national news service. However, one look at British television, especially in the company of someone from abroad, and the Anglo, London-centric nature of it stabs you in the eyes.

When Hearts met Hibs in the Scottish Cup semi-final in 2006, the novelty of an Edinburgh derby in a major game was deemed to be of some importance in Londum. The guy in the studio turned to the video link and announced that 'our reporter is at Hampden Park in Glasgow...er or is it Edinburgh...no, Glasgow...'.

The general modus-operandi of the BBC and other channels based in London when assessing the value of a story seems to be one of:

1. London
2. The rest of England
3. The US
4. Anywhere else, if the body count is high enough

The latest child-abuse scandal and subsequent cover-up involving the Roman Catholic Church is one such example. BBC Scotland, to their credit, uncovered another saga of sickening child abuse at the former Fort Augustus Abbey School. As one of the offenders was allowed to flee Fort Augustus and to carry on his activities in his native Australia, the story has an international dimension. A dimension that failed to make it dahn sath though.

On a day when BBC Scotland's various media outlets were dominated by the story, the 'British' output from London neglected to mention it. We did learn though about increasing numbers of jelly fish on the west coast and of a project in Cornwall that teaches kids to swim in the sea.

As long as 'national news' continues to mean 'Britain' meaning 'England' meaning 'London' we'll be treated to 'news' that doesn't concern us - Scottish devolution, indeed the ins and outs of the Act of Union, has yet to seep into the London consciousness.

Yes Scotland. No Gaelic. Feart horses.

It's the language that dare not speak its name. Partly because its name - Scots/ Scottish - has been hijacked by another - Inglis/ Anglo-Saxon. There are those in the movement for Scottish self-determination who regularly, and quite rightly, draw attention to how Scotland and her culture, politics and weather even is overlooked by London based navel-gazers.

One also notices that independence movements in other small nations - thinking Basque Country, Wales, Catalunya and Quebec in particular - wear their languages as badges of pride. Here though, the 'Nats' have caught the Scots cringe. Instead of educating Scots about the place of Gaelic in their history and present, they've airbrushed it from their glossy campaign.

A misty past, replete with totems...

The Gaelic Language (Scotland) Act 2005 gives Gaelic status as an 'official' language of Scotland that is entitled to 'equal respect' with the Queen's Engerlish. However, on top of Yes Scotland's stubborn refusal to countenance any Gàidhlig - or Scottish to be old-fashioned - the Scottish Government has also declined to put the language alongside English on the referendum ballot paper.

As Dr Wilson Macleod puts it in a recent paper:

 Whatever the stated rationale for the Government’s position, it seems reasonably clear that political calculation plays a role. As part of its general strategy of endeavouring not to ‘frighten the horses’ in relation to the referendum vote, the Government may well fear that a bilingual English-Gaelic referendum paper could alienate some wavering voters who might (quite unrealistically) see Gaelic as some kind of nationalist totem. A number of Gaelic-speaking independence supporters have backed this view, arguing that the symbolic value of a bilingual ballot paper is outweighed by this political risk.

from Lost in Translation.

Some say that the 'Gaels need to do it for themselves'. Aye, we should and some of us are. However, a similar argument could also be made for the Lesbian/ Gay, Asian and 'business' communities who are well catered for by YesScotland. Not only that, but as a campaign - should you target your audience or should your intended audience 'do it for themselves'? What will YesScotland do then to convince the 'don't knows' in the Gàidhlig community?

To be crude, if the London establishment and media treat us like 'Porridge Wogs' then are the Gaels amongst us even less deserving of recognition and respect? The fact that some Gaels think this way is neither here nor there - every indigenous and once-repressed people has it's own doubters. Centuries of repression and decades of having the language beat out of you in school will leave some people's self-respect at a low ebb.

But is Gaelic a 'nationalist totem'?

No for fucks sake, it's a medium. I don't know any Gaelic speakers who wear the long plaid, cover themselves in woad or Celtic tattoos and who hanker for a life amonsgt the hills acting out epic lifestyles in the vein of Cù Chulainn, Sgàthach or Fionn MacCumhail.

Will Gaelic speaking cartoon pigs threaten YesScotland's feart horses?

On the other hand we use Gaelic in everday social media, at work and at home like anyone else. And while our classical Scottish literature from the 'Fenian cycle' is an amazing part of our heritage - my kids and those at school will digest it in glossy-covered text books or from animated cartoons. Older users of the language may upload Gaelic for Punks lessons to SoundCloud or play air-guitar to Oi Polloi.

As Nancy Dorian points out in an essay on the Gaelic dialects of the east coast of Sutherland, languages enjoy the perceived status of those who speak them by those who dominate/ rule them. So, in the eyes of YesScotland, we really are Porridge Wogs?

Now the important aspect of this background is the fact that languages --  anywhere, any time --  have no independent status of their own.  Instead they have the status of the people who speak them. This explains why the prestige of languages can rise or fall so dramatically in a short time  if the fortunes of their speakers undergo an abrupt change.  If you look at Quechua, the language of the Incas, it was an imperial language, the dominant language of a large part of the Andean region before the Spanish arrived, and the Incas had in fact succeeded in imposing it on a number of the peoples whom they conquered.  Then came the Spaniards, and before very long, Quechua was an insignificant Indian language, associated with backwardness and poverty.  It wasn’t the language that changed, but the circumstances of its speakers.  The same thing happened to Irish, which was a language of great learning at a time when the Germanic peoples, including the English, were still largely illiterate and were by comparison with the Irish very little acquainted with the learning of the Classical world.  The Viking conquest, the Norman conquest, and most of all the Cromwellian conquest and the period of the Penal Laws broke the Irish, destroying the culture that had supported Irish learning.  As the Irish lost their aristocracy and became a peasantry, their language was transmuted into a peasant language, too, in spite of its past glories.                

Scottish Gaelic had claims to ancient learning and to literary respectability, too, at one point, as an offshoot of Irish with a subsequent literary tradition of its own, but the failure of the Jacobite risings in 1715 and 1746 did to Gaelic roughly what Cromwell did to Irish, and the tradition was broken and submerged, if not entirely lost.

Nancy Dorian,

Using a Private-sphere Language for a Public-sphere Purpose:  Some Hard Lessons from Making a TV Documentaryin a Dying Dialect

One worry, especially of 'radical' campaigners for self-determination, is that the SNP's vision of independence is too 'lite'. Is there any evidence of a different approach to Gaelic? We've had support from Thatcher's little puppet here, Michael Forsyth as well as from Labour's right-wing Unionist Brian Wilson. We've had a little from the 'Nats'.

In the SNP's latest dereliction of duty in relation to Gaelic, their councillors in Glasgow staged a walk-out of a meeting prior to voting through the local Gaelic Language Plan. Poor stuff.

YesScotland - get a grip. Do we want a new Scotland populated by feart horses ignorant of their own heritage and culture?

Send them a message here.

They have something whereof they are proud. What do they call it, that which maketh them proud? Culture, they call it; it distinguisheth them from the goatherds. Nietzsche

More here:
Bella Caledonia
Transceltic
Taigh na Croiche

Mother of a Thousand Dead lives on....

 

Iron Lady with your stone heart so eager that the lesson be taught
That you inflicted, you determines, you created, you ordered -
It was your decision to have those young boys slaughtered.

Reincarnation may appear to be fantasy, unless of course Buddhists are referring to constant recycling of atoms from past lives that make up our present being. It may seem as if our present London government has ingested the atoms and spirit of Fred West or Harold Shipman but we're gonna have to bide our time for them to surface.

Thatcher will be dust and ash by the time this hits the net but her spores have been active since the dark years of her reign.

Her most notable legacy is the underclass that her policies created. But how has the arrogance, bloodlust, elitism and poshboy/ city slicker swagger been reincarnated?

Firstly, it must be that special relationship. Cameron and the soft Republican that is Barrack Obama can only dream of getting deep down and dirty like Thatch and Reagan...

Google street view works in hindsight.

She even managed to tug Labour so far to the right that they have their tongues up UKIP's sheuch.

 

"Oh Anthony... you came quicker than Ronnie."

Even the great white hope of Labour's Presbyterian wing had 'a meeting of the minds'.

An Old Testament kind of fling.

Unfortunately, Jimmy had got in there first...

"Your morgue or mine?"

And then it's on to her many god-children, such as...

Jeremy Clarkson

...and...

Mumfart and sons.... the original is even more horrific.

...and, worse of all, here in North Britain that likes to think of itself as a Tory-free-zone...

"The poor want something for nothing?"

Bearing in mind though that death is no laughing matter - unless you happen to be Rupert Murdoch and your favourite woman's government has sunk and killed a boatload of young Argentine conscripts in what amounts to a warcrime - then here's a picture of some people dressed in black:

Gotcha!

And here is one of the songs they wrote:

HOW DOES IT FEEL?

How does it feel to be the mother of a thousand dead?
Young boys rest now, cold graves in cold earth.
How does it feel to be the mother of a thousand dead?
Sunken eyes, lost now; empty sockets in futile death.

Your arrogance has gutted these bodies of life,
Your deceit fooled them that it was worth the sacrifice.
Your lies persuaded people to accept the wasted blood,
Your filthy pride cleansed you of the doubt you should have had.
You smile in the face of the death cause you are so proud and vain,
Your inhumanity stops you from realising the pain
That you inflicted, you determines, you created, you ordered -
It was your decision to have those young boys slaughtered.

You never wanted peace or solution,
From the start you lusted after war and destruction.
Your blood-soaked reason ruled out other choices,
Your mockery gagged more moderate voices.
So keen to play your bloody part, so impatient that your war be fought.
Iron Lady with your stone heart so eager that the lesson be taught
That you inflicted, you determines, you created, you ordered -
It was your decision to have those young boys slaughtered.

Basque punk rock

Have you ever heard of the Basque cringe? No. Doesn't exist. As mentioned earlier, on a recent trip to Euskadi I was struck by the self-confidence that the Basques seem to exude in whatever way they choose to express themselves.

Though it may not seem like it, the Basque language - Euskera - is still a minority tongue within the boundaries of their nation. However, concerted efforts by everyone from youth groups to teachers to politicians and punks have seen the oldest language in Europe take the momentum. Like Faroese or Hebrew that went from moribund to first state language, I have no doubt that it will become the first tongue of most Basques in the very near future.

I also note that many of the young bands incorporate aspects of traditional culture into what they do. It could be elements of tradtional Basque dress, instruments or iconography but it's there as a badge of pride and identity. Too many Scots see these icons as 'kitsch' and cringe from them or think they're best reserved for weddings or Hogmonay.

One reflection of the independent attitude was the channel Hamaika - one of at least three Basque language channels. It seemed to broadcast a daily gallery of music videos showcasing the breadth of Euskal musika. It was much to my taste with a lot of punk rock on show. Attitude and political awareness was there in spadefuls. Here's a taste...

Siroka are a current hit in the Tocasaid bothie of sound. This song which features a number of other Basque musicians deals with the shameful treatment of Basque political prisoners - from anarchists and pacifists to suspected ETA members - by the Spanish and French authorities.


Xarma are in a similar vein. This time with their female member doing vocal duties on a song against the persistent problem of violence against women.


Negu Gorriak are perhaps best known outside Euskadi. I picked up one of their CDs a few years ago on which they covered international punk, rock and hip-hop songs in their own language. Their Basque version of Minor Threat's 'Small man, big mouth' was particularly memorable. This was a band with a hard political edge and the balls to match. They formed in the 80s and were active at a time when the post-Franco 'democracy' of Spain was continuing the Madrid-centred repression of Basque people, and not just hardline ETA members. Remember the assassination squads of the 'Socialist' Madrid government? This quote from Wiki illustrates matters:

They were completely committed to the political movement, starting with their choice to sing only in Euskera and continuing through their way of work and the message in their songs. They decided to manage themselves and created the record label Esan Ozenki. They performed their first concert in front of Herrera de la Mancha maximum security prison, leading to problems with the government. They were renounced by the Guardia Civil general, Enrique Rodríguez Galindo for the lyrics of the song «Ustelkeria», which accuses the general and the Guardia Civil of being involved in drug trafficking. This was the first time since the end of Franco's regime that the government denounced a form of expression. These charges were dropped in 2001, five years after the group stopped performing together. In honour of their legal victory, the group performed three celebratory concerts to more than 30,000 people.

Here's another article on Negu Gorriak by a Canadian author. I like the reference to 'decolonization movements'.  Here they are taunting the Spanish authorities outside the Herrrera de la Mancha prison.



Onto more modern stuff but still with Euskera and politics at the heart of it, singalong punk in the vein of Rancid or Dropkick Murphys with heavy doses of ska is well represented - Itziarren Semeak:


Hesian are similar:


More fusion stuff and an interesting crossover of punk, metal and electro. Whatever, the medium is the message. Zein da Zein? are Primal Scream meeting Leatherface.


Lastly, when I was at school the Abrasive Wheels classic 'Burn the Schools' was popular with some of us. Here though is a pro-school singalong from Banda Batxoki. The schools though are the successful and multicultural Basque language Eskola.


Here's hoping someone can get Na Gathan or Oi Polloi in to entertain and inspire our kids in our own Gaelic medium schools. Gaelic punk rock could be the soundtrack of our independence...

Euskadi - colour and culture against the big nations

Having been in the Basque Country for the past few days, I've noticed much in comparison with the situation at home in Scotland from both the Spanish and French 'occupied' territories. As my visit has coincided with the final stages of Euro 2012 and the progress of Spain, the rather lacklustre support for the Spanish 'national' team has been palpable. Walking the streets of Bilbo and Donostia, you could be forgiven for forgetting that the tournament was even taking place.

In Bilbo, flags and banners celebrating the rise in fortunes of the local AC Bilbao - defacto Basque national team - are still everywhere, in shops, in cars and hanging from balconies. While there was cheering from local tabernas upon the Spanish victory, the flags and shirts of Spain have remained nowhere to be seen.

Posters on the walls remind you that 'this isn't Spain, this is Euskal Herria'. Though to be honest the indigenous culture screams at you. In Basque.

Language is and isn't a political issue. In Scotland, it just isn't. Scottish is far too often ignored by Scots and a glaring example of this is the 'Yes' campaign for independence. I'm not arguing for Scottish Gaelic to be 'promoted' by the Yes campaign. I'm arguing that it should be used. Scottish has shared a certain parity with English in as much as it's supported from different parts of the political spectrum. A language is a medium and the Yes campaign needs to harness any and every medium available particularly a language that is the anchor of the nation's culture and iconography.

The Basques on the other hand live their language across all domains within the Basque Autonomous Community - it's not just an adornment or prop for the tourists. The BAC apparently enjoys more power than any other non-nation-state on earth. It has huge industrial value and is wealthy by anyone's reckoning. It's easy to see why the monster of the Spanish state doesn't want to let it go.

In Scotland, I've noticed a new and predictable stooshie over the Scottish Government's plans to signpost all major routes in both English and Scottish. This wouldn't happen in Euskadi though it would seem as if the Basques are bold in most things they do once they are freed from the chains of Spain or France.

Even the new architecture is bold, individual and very much a statement of confidence. The Guggenheim in Bilbo is just one example. Basque nationalists in power at 'devolved' and local level pulled out all the stops to ensure that the city's revitalisation started here. Under centralist rule from Madrid, Bilbo would probably have remained a rusting industrial backwater in a 'region' of Spain. It's not only the Guggenheim though. Another example is the office of the health department in Bilbo newtown with its angular, idiosyncratic and mirrored facade. A behemoth of an old wine warehouse has been turned into a state of the art centre for culture and recreation which incorporates galleries, cinema and a glass bottomed swimming pool. Bilbo even has relatively new tram and metro systems - themselves works of art. Sure, all this costs money but what doesn't?

Which brings me back to language.

Most detractors of Scottish in Scotland are monoglots to whom bilingualism is a mystery. Occasionally though, some will embrace the benefits of bilingualism but insist that additional languages be 'useful' so that the outlay can be seen to be 'prudent'. Linguists  however declare that there is no such thing as a 'useless' language though tinpot bigots argue that only big boys of English, Spanish or Chinese - the Walmarts, IKEAs and McDonalds - of the language world are worth acquiring.

This leads me to ask, 'why Dutch?'. Almost everyone in the Netherlands speaks excellent English. Why then do the Dutch insist on speaking... Dutch?

The Basques, despite being 'fiercly nationalistic' as some might put it, also embrace multi-lingualism and multi-culturalism. I would contend that the territory under Basque control is one of most colourful, welcoming and outward looking areas in Europe. The European Union's advice on language in education is that each member state should teach 'mother tongue plus two'. The Basques insist on 'two mother tongues' plus two.

Hence some 80% of Basque primary children in the majority Basque-medium system are immersed in three languages from age zero and enter secondary school with complete or near fluency in three languages. Once in secondary, they acquire a fourth tongue which could be French, Arabic, Polish or German. Local demographics such as a significant number of immigrants often dictates the lingo learned. It's difficult to imagine white English kids in Bradford learning Urdu or Arabic or native Scottish bairns in Leith picking up Polish or Spanish.

However, the 'big nation' philosophy becomes more apparent once you cross the bridge from Irun into French Basque Hendaia. Here, some progress has been made in displaying the Basque tongue on some public roadsigns though it's obvious that the wrathful and jealous French god in Paris sees too much indulgence in languages other than French as sinful. Here, the use of Basque sadly reminds one of Scottish in Scotland - it is used sparingly but comes across as a 'prop' to paraphrase the linguist Joshua Fishman.

The shortcomings of the insular big nation with its siege mentality are also evident at the local SCNF station where the young lass on the ticket desk was unable to communicate in any other language than French. This despite the Spanish Basque country being only yards from her seat. Our pooled family tongues of Engerlish, Spanish and German fell on stony ground. Even an appeal to the auld alliance by using pigeon French-Gaelic failed.

Back in our Donostia-San Sebastian base, we watch one of the Basque language telly channels - Hamaika - which has an afternoon slot showcasing the varied Basque language music scene. It was pleasing to note many bands of the tuneful punk variety though metal, rock, pop and world music/ ska fusion was also present. Sadly, a similar program on BBC Alba which didn't feature fiddlers, songs written by dead poets, Gaelic choirs or religious music would be ten minutes long. Basque language punk is for another blog though.

The Basque Country, or most of it, is but a bawhair from complete independence. Even without the full complement of powers, it a shining example of the need to vote 'Yes' to Scottish independence in 2014. We could vote 'no' and remain a region with no voice or independent contribution of our own to the world community. We would remain tied to an inward looking and fearful big nation that remains in thrall to banks and big business, however corrupt. Or maybe we could use independence as a springboard for an open, progressive and internationalist nation that embraces our own languages as well as the cultures of others?

An elderly woman on a bus engaged us in conversation. I spoke in mistake-riddled Spanish. She replied that 'we have two idiomas'. 'So do we' said I. 'I know' she continued, 'and we're both at the same place'.

I was a bit puzzled and thought something had gone missing in translation. 'What place?'

'Independence', she replied.

Gora Euskadi. Saor Alba.

Future past times in London with Queen Fabio

Kind of. But why does London-centric English society revel in the past? Any nation could be forgiven for wanting to relive past glories. We remember Bannockburn for example, though I'd say that for 99% of those wanting independence for Scotland, a glorious victory over invading oppressors in 1314 is not a blueprint for a future progressive Scotland. Neither do we want another crack at the Darien scheme.

Not so for much of English society. The past is being regurgitated quicker than Boris Johnson can cough up blond hairballs.

There's the minor matter of the England football manager's position. Fabio, the swarthy foreigner, has been sent packing back to Italy. Not only that but he should never really have come in the first place despite the English FA offering him £6m. Jawn Terwy may not be an out an out Nazi and more of village idiot but, either way he is not really 'role model' stuff. Surely though the manager of any team should be consulted on team selection? Has Vladamir Romanov bought the FA?

Therefore, the role models of the tabloid press are calling for steadfast woight Englishman to deliver what England expects. Now that Argentina are gurning once more about those Malvinas, they need someone who can sock it to the Argies in EURO 2012. Now there's a conundrum! If the Malvinas are 'British' and therefore European, why can't nearby Argentina join in EURO 2012?

Never mind, the new woightman in the English hot-seat could always feed the tabloid dogs by having a go at the Germans who England defeated in two world wars and one world cup. The Germans should be easy pickings as they've never won any major trophy and their economy is in tatters due to having adopted the Euro.

Speaking of Germans though, it's the diamond jubilee of Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg. Now, what could be more fitting in this glorious 60th year of her reign than to give her the England manager's job. On one hand, the tabloids would have their 'pure' Englishperson at the helm but on the other, it would also satisfy the lefties as the FA would now become a beacon for gender equality.

We no longer have a woman PM in Downing Street but David Cameron and his younger twin, Nick Clegg are champin at the bit to show that they can match the Iron Lady for warmongering in times of hardship. The economy is still fckd, their plans to wreck the NHS are coming unstuck and the Porridge Wogs in Scotchland are refusing to bend to London's will. After joining with the French to kick Gadaffi's ass, what better than Falklands Manager 2012?


After all, the population of the Malvinas are all woight and they love the Union Jack more than their brethern in Belfast so its our duty to defend... er their right to self-determination. Just hope the Jocks don't get wind of that. The idea that 'Britain' may have in the past ejected present islanders and replaced them with a bunch of sheep farmers from Scotland and Wales is irrelevant. In fact, recent research by English historian David Starkey shows that tectonic forces pushed the islands from their former position off the Devon coast to their current far-flung remoteness in the Southern Hemisphere.

All in all, there's never been a better time to break away though in the meantime I could live with the Sex Pistols or Laibach hitting number one this summer.