Dirty Gaelic, the Black House and crap telly

After a winter hiatus indulging in the above while also allowing myself to become bewitched by the ironic Tartan Noir that is Kezia Dugdale's online presence, I've finally found time to praise and to bury.

First up is Outlander. I had read all about this expensively made thriller - a Scottish Game of Thrones apparently - and the notable inclusion of Scottish/ Gaelic in its script. I usually prefer Nordic Noir to mystical American stuff like GoT but the Scottish angle hooked me. It seems that even though it was filmed here and has received a fair amount of attention, it wasn't to be released this side of the Atlantic or the North Sea - both American and German audiences have so far been eagerly lapping it up. A spot of proletarian browsing online came up with the goods though.

What a disappointment. As the credits rolled, I spotted the name of the writer - Diana Gabaldon and various doomladen bells rang in my heid. Having run it past die Frau, I learn that her translated novels of horny Scottish clansmen and willing ladies are hugely fucking popular. It's basically Mills and Boon in the heather with groins moving to a port-a-beul. Minus the midges in the pubes and ticks on your scrote.

Outlander - rach air muin?

It's pretty shit to be honest but the gist of it is this - a posh English lady and her typically effete and stiff lipped husband find themselves in a post-war Inverness where pagan rituals are still commonplace. The lass goes to stone circle and the tursachan quickly spirit her away to the same spot but 200 years distant and in the midst of a skirmish between hairy Highlanders and Redcoat villains. The Gaelic Jacobites are portrayed as they probably were - hairy, smelly and plaid-wearing. All except one who is inexplicably clean-shaven - even his 18th century torso is hairless - and handsome. Nuff said.

Though tax-dodging pirates Amazon have announced it's release online, I am not inclined to watch the remaining episodes - one dose of romantic slush is enough though Outlander is not without its attributes. The excellent Bill Paterson is in the cast somewhere down the line and... there is some attempt at authenticity by having the Highlanders speak Gaelic, at least some of the time. To be fair, the Gaelic spoken is not bad though it is a tad wooden and forced coming from the mouths of non-Gaelic speaking actors. Some bits threw me - trobhad (come here) was pronounced as 'trew-ad' and not trow-ad for example but that's a minor gurn. Especially when everything else was so, so bad...

Unlike the Black House by Peter May. I always thought the Western Isles would make the perfect place for some Tartan/ Nordic Noir. So did Peter May, who has now produced a trilogy. This is the clachan a' choin. It's got gore, sex, authenticity (May knows the Isle of Lewis and her culture very well indeed), the Gaelic, the culture - warts and all, dour Presbyterianism and intrigue.

This is what BBC Scotland/ BBC Alba should be producing and exporting to the world...

...instead of cac like Bannan. Like Outlander, the PR lie-machine was busy grinding out comparisons to whet the appetite. This one was 'Gaelic's answer to the Killing'. It's like comparing Thomas the Tank Engine to  Steven Seagal's Under Siege 2 simply because of the locomotive angle. Except Bannan doesn't have any killing in it - only a jealous boyfriend lamping his love-rival. The only other crime to speak of is an underage quad bike rider escaping from the cops over the machair. Seriously.

Nordic Noir - not the Skye Bridge

The Killing was dark - in all senses. Loads of night scenes, always raining, the vile excesses of human nature on display and no simple solutions to complex, multi-faceted issues. Bannan on the other hand was just a tourist advert - stunning scenery, no rain (in Skye??!!) and a transparent plot with too many lightweight characters. At best, this was a mid-evening soap opera filmed in a wild location. Strangely, it was given a slot after the 9pm watershed - perhaps it was thought that the one illicit kiss between the main character and her ex-boyfriend would cause a spike in teenage pregnancies amongst young Gaels?

Sadly, Bannan has been given a second series. Could BBC Alba's budget not go on something a bit more gritty?

To be frank, lift your dogshit.

If you want 'salty' language in the tongue of the Gael then one could do worse than purchase 'The Naughty Little Book of Gaelic'. Unfortunately, it is a slim volume but I hope it's one that will be added to in future editions. Indeed, an online 'Urban Dictionary' of everyday filthy Gaelic would be excellent.

Some delicious dirt I encountered included:
 Buinneach o'n teine ort - May you suffer diarrhea from the fire
Tòn air eigh dhut - may your arse hit the ice

Some good ones from the nether regions:
Pit air iteig! - Flying vagina!
Bod ort! - A penis on you!

The language also covers terminology for decadent or frowned-upon habits such as drinking and smoking. Responsible drinking is very much a new-fangled idea... from 'The Four Drams of the Morning' we have -
sgailc-nid - a nest-dram (sgailc = a slap or thump)
friochd-uillin - a nip of the elbow, taken while beginning to arise...

There is a healthy section on genitalia in which such gems are to be found:
bodach beag a' bhàta - little old man of the ship, i.e. the clitoris, stupid!
cirean-coillich - the rooster's comb, vagina
dos - the bagpipe drone, penis

For a French kiss, go to Sgalpaigh, Harris - pòg Sgalpach

The brevity of the volume may be down to the sources, most of whom seem to be of the academic nature. Perhaps, someone should fund an indepth study that travels the Highlands and Islands to interview fishermen, crofters, bar-workers, labourers, hotel workers and the like?

While not claiming to be an authority on the matter, I would, off the top of my head, add my tuppenceworth...
cuir corrag nad thòin is leig fead - put a finger in your arse and whistle
goc(an) - (little) tap, penis
rachamama - motherfucker
ith bod - blowjob

Someone pass a volume to the producers of Bannan please.

Kay NicMhathain: clach air a càrn

No pun intended but I'm sure that every clach put on her càrn will be genuine. The story of the Bana-Ghaidheil from Allt Beithe in Wester Ross has been well told elsewhere, most notably in the Gaelic short film An Ceasnachadh.

Coronation of King Alexander III on Moot Hill, Scone on 13 July 1249. He is being greeted by the ollamh rìgh, the royal poet, who is addressing him with the proclamation "Benach De Re Albanne" (= Beannachd Dè Rìgh Alban, "God's Blessing on the King of Scotland"); the poet goes on to recite Alexander's genealogy.

It's also very fitting that another tribute to her and her friends' exploits in retrieving the Lia Fàil is also composed in the indigenous Scottish tongue that Kay fought to keep alive in her own corner of Scotland. Oran na Cloiche was written by Dòmhnall Mac an t-Saoir (Bàrd Phàislig).

'S gur coma leam i 'n Cearrara,
no Colbhasa no 'n Calbhaidh,
Cho fad 's a tha i 'n Albainn
nan garbhlaichean casa;
'S i iù ro bha hò ro hill i em bo hà.

Gaelic space punks v. Tradfest

What was once the Edinburgh Folk Festival has now become 'Tradfest' after a brief stint as 'Ceilidh Culture'. There's probably a fair bit of it that is worth seeing - Gaelic songs and poems from Perthshire don't often get an airing for example. However, far too much of 'trad' music seems to involve... people sitting down to 'enjoy' the often furious dance music of the past and/ or a misty eyed regurgitation of a long-gone culture. The point being that's it's ok to remember the past and learn about our 'tradtional' music as long as the current generation is creating something of its own for the future.

Sometimes, 'Celtic' fests can accommodate alternative music such as Les Ramoneurs who regularly play the Lorient festival in Brittany. There is a a feeling that in Alba such music is looked down upon by those for whom traditional is a profession.

This is probably why we won't see the likes of Basque-language punk-ska band, Hesian, in Dùn Eideann at Tradfest....


Though our nearest equivalent, Oi Polloi, is playing 3 gigs in 24 hours. Most importantly, two of these are in conjunction with the launch of a Gaelic sci-fi novel by Tim Armstrong. Tim once played in trad ground breaking indie-rock band Na Gathan, dabbled in some Gaelic electro-pop and fronted the superb Mill a h-Uile Rud who took their Seattle-based Gaelic punk around Europe with Oi Polloi with a BBC Alba film crew in tow.

One of the gigs is in a Leith Walk record shop and the other is on a boat. Dìreach far out a dhuine... Get your tòn along to one or both of them.

Scottish punk rock: Dùisg!

Compared to the Basque Country or even our Celtic cousins in Cymru, Scotland has a paucity of bands composing new material in her own language. Fortunately though, one of them is a well kent face on the international stage.

Dùisg is the second LP by Oi Polloi to be recorded entirely in Scottish/ Gàidhlig though the language has featured in various other recordings over the years, including a session for the BBC Alba program Rapal. The last one Ar Cànan, Ar Ceòl, Ar-a-mach broke some new ground for Polloi's mix of Sham 69/ Cockney Rejects type Oi! and Discharge-esque thrash. Added to that was some crunchy Killing Joke, bagpipes and traditional Gaelic song.

Dùisg continues in more or less the same vein but with the addition of keyboards here and there. It's probably their best yet - lots of catchy tunes, though some of them are delivered at a pretty hectic pace. Some great guitar hooks as well as some dark and brooding grinding hardcore. The Gaelic vocals as per usual are more the bastard son of Tom Waits and Pinhead from Hellraiser than Karen Matheson or Mànran.

Lyrics deal with some of the usual topics but also break new ground. Since when did you hear of a song promoting the use of LINUX? And, in Gaelic punk rock? Other issues dealt with in the Scottish tongue are police brutality (Dìon is Cuidich), increased state surveillance (Ar Dìleab) and the futility of capitalism (Dòigh Eile).

On top of that there's an essay on why Oi Polloi sing in Gaelic, a short story in Gaelic and an interview on alternative operating systems for computers. If you're lucky enough to purchase the album at a gig, you'll get a vinyl LP with A4 booklet, CD and patch all wrapped up in a reusable Oi Polloi shopping bag. Otherwise, contact them for a CD copy.

Gaelic shopping with Oi Polloi

Is this another step forward for indigenous Scottish music? Possibly but at best we're treading water in terms of producing new and challenging contemporary music in Gaelic. We're miles behind the Basque Country. Let's hope that those agencies charged with developing Gaelic put more money into exciting cultural initiatives for young people instead of wasting it on ill-thought out projects like MyGaelic. How about song writing classes in rock music for teenage Gaelic medium kids instead of just learning auld tunes for the fiddle?

The only slight complaint that I'd have here is that English translations are included. We need more situations where English monoglots are forced to learn at least some Gaelic and where Gaels are not compelled to translate everything they say, sing or write into Her Majesty's tongue.

A worthy purchase.

Suas le iomadachd agus meal is caith e.

Buy CD here.

Oi Polloi

The Black Dwarf, the Unionists and their socialist economics

 
The 'YES' campaign's launch this week was greeted with the familiar gurning by those who would have us believe that Scotland 'cannae do it'. Apparently we never did nothing and never will. We need London rule to keep the wolf from the door. Though ironically, as Tristram Hunt spelled out in his recent 'debate' with Irvine Welsh on Paxman, Scotland should seek to be the tail on England's wolf as it prowls the world stage inspiring fear and awe in 'lesser' nations. Without Scotland, England would be a rather strange looking wolf whereas Scotland would only be a small nation minding her own business.

Like Norway or Denmark perhaps?

A Black Dwarf reader.

The whinging in Scotland though came chiefly from Alastair Darling whose first salvo in 'the positive case for the Union' was that a recent Unionist-sponsored poll showed that support for independence was 'only' 33%.

Who is this man Darling? Some may have forgotten that he is Labour's ex-chancellor and is still a sitting MP despite his long bouts of silence. More interestingly, he is an ex-Trotskyist. For those who have forgotten what that is, perhaps it is best illustrated by the fact that had he not forged a successful career in the Labour Party of Great Britain, he more than likely would still be manning a stall on Easter Road, awash with Maoist, leftist and Stalinst pamphlets, defending the policies of North Korea to the hilt. Worse still, he would probably still be wearing that beard. Aye, the one that Labour's PR team told him to lose if he wanted to be taken seriously by middle-England's Tory-voters and the Sun. It is rumoured that Murdoch's empire was about to pillory him as a Suttcliffe lookalike who would take a similarly violent approach to the UK economy.

Vote 'No'. Or else.

As his ex-comrade, George Galloway, reveals:

“When I first met him 35 years ago,” Galloway states, “Darling was pressing Trotskyite tracts on bewildered railwaymen at Waverley Station in Edinburgh. He was a supporter of the International Marxist Group, whose publication was entitled the Black Dwarf.

Politically speaking though, his blood is neither red nor black but quite blue and not only because he had the privilege of attending Musselburgh's uber-posh private school, Loretto. This from his spiel on Wiki:

Alistair Darling was born in London^[1] the son of a civil engineer, Thomas, and his wife, Anna. He is the great-nephew of Sir William Darling, who was Conservative MP for Edinburgh South (1945–1957). He was educated in Kirkcaldy, and the private Loretto School,^[2] Musselburgh, East Lothian, then attended the University of Aberdeen where he was awarded a Bachelor of Laws (LL.B). He became the President of Aberdeen University Students' Representative Council.

Before joining the Labour Party at the age of 23 in 1977, Darling was a supporter of the International Marxist Group, the British section of the Trotskyist Fourth International.^[3] He became a solicitor in 1978, then changed course for the Scots bar and was admitted as an advocate in 1984. He was elected as a councillor to the Lothian Regional Council in 1982 where he supported large rates rises in defiance of Margaret Thatcher's rate-capping laws and even threatened not to set a rate at all.

Currently, he is seeking to forge a Unionist alliance with other parties and groupings like the Tories, the Lib Dems, UKIP, Tax Payers' Alliance and presumably even the BNP and Orange Order.

He is also being ably supported by Labour's new 'tour de force' of Scottish politics, Kezia Dugdale. She claims that she was 'surprised' to be elected to the Scottish Parliament and sure enough her few bizarre pronouncements to the media in an attempt to raise her profile tell of someone who is still befuddled.

Hey Kezia, guess what?

In fact, one of Kezia's first rants was against BBC Alba being given a slot on Freeview! Anti-Scottish? Not her! She was apparently standing up for her many constituents who were now going to lose the means to access radio programs like 'Gardening Hour' on their TV set! Her maiden speech to the Scots Parliament was somewhat rambling - she claims to have only recently discovered the blight of child poverty in Scotland and was shocked to find out that some unemployed youths 'hate the police'.

Poverty it seems, and especially child poverty, was unknown during the salad days of Labour rule.

Strange too that Kezia also claims that free prescription charges are 'right-wing' policy on the part of the SNP. Presumably then selling schools and hospitals to PFI pirates, Labour's illegal wars, stockpiling of WMDs at home, courting of rich businessmen (mind Ecclestone anyone?) and tuition fees are hallmarks of the kind of socialism that Alastair 'Black Dwarf' Darling used to champion back in the day.

Which brings me to those 'socialist economics'. As my partner hails from the former DDR, this something that I've learned about in recent years. Those 'Eastern Bloc' nations used the state's wealth to provide jobs for the people, irrespective of whether the items produced were in demand. Hence stories of 'shoe mountains'.

This is exactly the policy which all the main Unionist parties are following when they advocate the maintenance of nuclear bases on the Clyde and the construction of yet more aircraft carriers et al.

Their are some obvious points arising from this. Seems as if the Tories are happy to go socialist when it comes to war. In the case of Labour, what happened to making ploughshares from swords? Scottish Labour must be more devoid of wit than I first thought if it's beyond them to see that the naval bases and construction yards of the Clyde and Forth could be used for more progressive and peaceful means.

Why not a more modern play of words on the old 'shoe mountain' imagery? Wave turbine mountains? Cheap public transport mountains? Reforesting Scotland mountains? Hospital mountains? Non-PFI school mountains?

'Yes' is only the beginning.

Crowdie, cream, cockboys and cocks.

The superb adaptation for television of Finlay J MacDonald's book 'Crowdie and Cream' has just finished a rerun on BBC Alba. The book tells of MacDonald's childhood between the wars on the Isle of Harris and the richness of Gaelic customs at the time.

It's been a while since I read the book but I recall that it was a pretty comprehensive account of life in Harris at the time, warts and all. I also recall a part which didn't make it into the BBC version. It described how the worst swearyword in Hearach Gaelic that you could say to somebody was that he was a 'cockboy'. This originated from the practise of helping horses mate. The job of leading the stud to the mare and subsequently guiding his member home was not much sought after and would invariably fall to the young and unfortunate.

By sheer co-incidence this week, I also learn of the alleged aversion to sex by the late Queen Mother. The debauched lives and bizarre times of the undoubtedly inbred royal family never cease to amaze me. A new book by a minor member (ho-hum...) of the aristocracy claims that the Queen Mum's offspring were conceived through artificial insemination. Or maybe divine interference. The QM 'didn't do sex' apparently and one has to presume relied upon her own cockboy to provide the next generation of upper-crust scroungers.

Test tube celebration hoodies for the Jubilee.

The book itself was written by Lady Colin Campbell. I don't get the 'Lady Colin' bit. Must be a posho thing. To further obscure matters it seems as if Lady Colin was born a girl but due to a genital defect was raised as a boy until her teens. Like Rastamouse, she has Jamaican connections - namely being born there, albeit to wealthy white settlers. Unlike the animated rasta-rodent though, Lady Colin had her wedding tackle 'realigned' and went on to forge a career as a model.

This family, it should be remembered, with the Queen at its head is charged with 'defending the faith'. Given the perversion, evil, wrath and many contradictions of the holy book, I'd say that this 'job' was entirely apt for the blue-blooded butler botherers.

Finally though, from cockboys to cocks.

Neil Lennon. The man has undoubtedly been the victim of hate-fuelled bigots. He was driven out of the Six Counties by Unionists angry at a Catholic playing for Northern Ireland. This bit I don't understand. If a Northern Irish Catholic choosing to play for NI isn't a statement of Unionism then I don't know what is. Ditto, the braindoners who sent letter bombs to various 'Celtic-minded' people. However, last year's victim is this year's loudmouth and bully.

Any neutral observer of last week's Celtic-Hearts Scottish Cup semi-final would've noticed a number of refereeing mistakes that were favourable to Celtic. Wanyama and Ki-Sung Yeung both tripped over blades of grass in or near the Hearts' box and Celtic's goal was clearly offside. Despite this, Lennon claims that decisions made against Celtic are part of a personal vendetta against him. Why?

Is it because he's not Scottish and is a Catholic? Could be true but then again, what about Hibs' Irish manager Pat Fenlon and Hearts' Paulo Sergio, a Portuguese Catholic? Barr a minority of troublemakers, the dark old days of sectarianism are over. Those who persist in aggressive and anti-social behaviour look increasingly like unhinged, bullying blawhards with a poor grasp of reality. A bit like Lennon actually.

Eòrpa reveals Labour's PFI disgrace

Award-winning current affairs series Eòrpa returns to our screens tonight on BBC Alba. Desptie Eorpa being produced by Gaelic-speaking Scots, friends from outwith the 'UK' have commented that its probably the most outward looking television they've seen here. 

As well as its usual coverage of issues from the European continent, tonight it looks at the PFI disaster which New Labour bequeathed to our grandchildren. While New Labour couldn't get away with openly shunting all our health and education services into the private sector, it did at least make it the landlord for many new schools and hospitals. This means that some of our schools will be paying private business for many years to come. The final cost of these buildings to the taxpayer will be many times what the establishment in question cost to build. Eorpa though reveals that this is just part of the problem.

According to Eorpa:

Tha cùmhnantan PFI air a bhith connspaideach bho thòisich iad ann am Breatann sna '90an. Buidhnean poblach a' pàigheadh companaidhean prìobhaideach an uibhir seo de dh'airgead gach bliadhna airson goireas a thogail is a ruith airson ùine shònraichte. An dèidh sin tha an togalach aig a' bhuidheann phoblach. Mar a tha Darren Linc ag innse ged-tà, tha Eòrpa air fianais fhaighinn gu bheil an talamh fo feadhainn dhiubh fhathast gu bhith aig a' chompanaidh prìobhaideach airson mòran bhliadhnaichean an dèidh dhan chiad chùmhnant airson an togail is an ruith tighinn gu crìoch.

PFI contracts have been the subject of controversy since they began to be used by the UK government in the 1990s. Public bodies paying private consortiums yearly to build and administer a new building for a certain number of years. Afterwards, the building is owned by the public sector. As Darren Laing reports though, Eòrpa has been given information that the land under and around some new PFI buildings is set to remain in private ownership for years after the initial building and running contract ends.

Not only are we indebted to private business for the next century, but in the here and now, these PFIs are making the every day running of schools more difficult than it should be. Should teachers or staff wish to decorate the school with children's work, then permission needs to be sought from the school 'business manager' first. After all, who would want blue-tac stains and thumb tacks ruining their precious cash cow? Even the local council has to seek permission to use the school and its grounds for publicity purposes.

A timely reminder of why conservatives and other slaves to big business - be they Labour, Tory or Lib Dem - cannot be trusted with public services.

Eorpa. Today on BBC Alba at 20.30.

BBC Alba to screen on Freeview

The Gaelic proverb "ruigidh each mall a' mhuileann" - a slow horse will still reach the mill - could not be more apt. Scotland's indigenous tongue continues to make slow steps towards equal status with yon Walmart of languages, English. Even more surprisingly perhaps is that it was acheived under the stewardship of MG Alba boss and lacklustre former Labour MSP, Alastair Morrison. Whatever, after centuries of repression and neglect, Scots can now enjoy the language of the Scots on old fashioned telly as well as wireless and internet. BBC Alba will screen on Freeview channel 8 from early June.

The next victory could well be a stand alone Gaelic school for Edinburgh which it is anticipated will replicate the successes seen in Glasgow, Inverness and Skye. Word in the corridors of civic power in Dùn Eideann is that Bungsoil Ghàidhlig Dhùn Eideann is set to be given the green light. Unfortunately, Lib Dem education chief, dinosaur and ignoramus Marilyne 'Butterball' MacLaren is still refusing to budge. Rumours that Butterball and right-wing Edinburgh Evil News columnist John Gibson were seen leaving a High Street hostelry in the wee small hours arm in arm and singing 'rebellious Scots to crush...' are entirely unfounded.

A healthy Scots tongue in 2011?

Bliadhna mhath ùr as you might say in the original and auld Scots' tongue. 2011 is shaping up to be an important year for our oldest indigenous language on many fronts. March sees the census taking place. Some are predicting a drop in the total number of Gaelic speakers though most agree that the rate of decline has slowed. There also seems to be a rise in the numbers of younger speakers, especially in areas with Gaelic medium units.

Gaelic medium education has been a huge success by any yardstick. There are still problems satisfying demand for it though and sadly some of these problems are caused by public 'servants' who do their best to hinder progress - and Edinburgh cooncil's anti-Gaelic harridan Marilyne MacLaren comes to mind here. Fortunately, anti-Gaelic bigots are thin on the ground though they are still vociferous enough. They don't really have any reasonable objections and resort to erroneous statements like 'Gaelic was never spoken here' (if one is being pedantic it could be claimed that Gaelic speaking monks reached the Northern Isles long before the Norse came - certainly they reached Iceland and the Faroes in their curraichean before the arrival of the Lochlannaich) and 'no-one speaks Gaelic'. Or else they harp on about tax-payers' money as if Scots Gaelic speakers have somehow evaded paying taxes for the past few centuries. If so, then i'm surely entitled to one hell of a fkn rebate. More usually, the bigots resort to abuse when logic fails them and tend to set out their stall with the likes of  'Punjabi mumbled backwards' or 'spoken by a few sheep-shagging crofters'.

Surely education enhances life and an education that leaves that person with two languages instead of one is excellent value for money. Leaving a child with only one language is a gross waste of his/ her potential and is a future of American-English monolingualism one that we should aim for?

On the bright side, Glasgow wants to go ahead with a second Gaelic school. The numbers of kids in the Western Isles in Gaelic medium finally seems to be rising though less than half of all kids there are in GME units or schools. Comhairle nan Eilean Siar however are still years behind their counterparts in Wales and the Basque Country on using and not just promoting their valuable heritage. Away from education, Gaelic is seen more and more in the arts - including galleries in Dùn Eideann. This month sees an attempt to get Gaelic in the charts for the first time in many years with Mànran singing Latha Math. Other contemporary Gaelic music is still being created by punks and indie rockers such as Na Gathan, Oi Polloi, An t-Uabhas, Atomgewitter and Sunrise not Secular. Dòl Eoin is another cool dude who seems to do more than just parrot old folk songs written by dead bards. Various types of courses for learners are now seeking new students in most corners of Alba. This included the ULPAN method which brings rapid competence in speech without resorting to complicated grammar lessons.

On the semi-legal front, 'shadowy' activist group Am Buidheann Dubh continue to decorate various parts of Scotland in a way not seen here since Ceartas did something similar in the 70s. If the Welsh can do it...

Gaelic cultural direct action.

Finally, the high heid yins at the BBC have finally seen sense and 'allowed' BBC Alba to be shown on Freeview. Deagh naidheachd gu dearbh.

So, if you're a non-Gael who's looking for a resolution for this bliadhna ùr then, I'd suggest (I'm allowed to be opinionated here after all. I mean, what else do you want to read in a blog? My latest IKEA purchase or what I ate/ drank at Xmas?) the following...

• seek out your local ULPAN course or night class in Gaelic and learn it. Use the BBC Alba website, radio and tv to support your learning. Click here for info on ULPAN and other courses.
• if you have kids - send them to the nearest croileagan or Gaelic school/ unit. If there isn't one, write to your council and demand it
• support Gaelic arts - go and see Oi Polloi if your ears can take it and buy the Mànran single
• stick an Alba sticker on your bike or car
• use Gaelic names when using the post. Dùn Eideann instead of Edinburgh, Sruighlea instead of Stirling etc... the post-code will ensure it gets there anyway. Why just go with the flow if you don't need to?
• if you meet Tory Hibee and Edinburgh Evil News slaverer/ jakie John Gibson, don't bother engaging him in arguments regarding his barely literate slaverings in the press, buy him a few drams, film the ensuing carnage and post it on You Tube.

Embrace diversity and fck conformity. Suas leis a' Ghàidhlig.

Link to the Scottish Government's census/ cunntas-sluaigh in Gaelic here.