Pages/ duilleagan

Showing posts with label Gaelic music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gaelic music. Show all posts

Friday, October 24, 2014

Banned from the Mòd


Well, not banned. But Na Seudan Ura were given a stern dressing down for daring to put a dreaded 'modern' slant on their Gaelic folk music. Apparently one of the 'judges' for the 'Royal' National Mod managed to remove his or her head from their nether region just long enough to look down their nose at the group of teenagers and chastise them for their 'lounge jazz'.

It does nothing to dispel views of Scottish/ Gaelic speakers as old-fashioned and dour Presbyterians of the 'no sex as it might lead to dancing' mould.

It also does little to present Gaelic as a living modern tongue.

An Comann Gaidhealach, who have organised the National Mod for more than a century, have presided over the death of the language over much of the Scottish mainland. In 1892 when the first Mod was held, Gaelic was still spoken by local families and communities in places such as Caithness, East Sutherland, Easter Ross, Inverness-shire, Strathspey, Perthshire, Stirlingshire, Arran, the Angus glens and on Lomondside. Despite the pomp and pageantry and despite the Royal patronage, An Comann Gaidhealach did little or nothing to make a stand for Gaelic and to protect it in those communities. Comparisons with similar societies in other small nations are like chalk and cheese.

Cultural and political can be merged but not if you're too feart to offend the Royals and the lairds. Not if you're still doffing your cap and mustering a few words of gratitude to those, and their kind, who happily saw our glens emptied of people with the remaining men used as cannonfodder and any remnant 'native-speaking' children punished for that crime.

Sadly, in Scottish Gaelic culture, the world-views and words of long-dead poets and a vanished society hold more value than a vibrant and forward looking future.

Meanwhile, in the Basque Country, the local punks have a new CD out. The good news for An Comann Gaidhealach is that it isn't lounge-jazz. The bad news is....



Sunday, February 9, 2014

FilmG


G - not for George, gorgeous or Galloway or even Gilleasbuig Aotrom but Gàidhlig. FilmG is a project aimed at stimulating the use of Scottish/ Gaelic by young people and communities through the medium of film. It's great.

Kids in particular love it - both creating and viewing. For learners of Gaelic or for those in Gaelic-medium education - it helps normalise the language. And the cost of it all is minimal. That means that yon wrathful god in the sky, the Taxpayer, won't be overly troubled by it. George Galloway costs us more and gives us less in return.

This year also sees a bright and cheerful entry from YesAlba in the community section. There's also a competition involved so get there quick and vote for it. Even better, learn some Gaelic and make your own entry for 2015.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Luftballons


Seems like victims/ scapegoats are much in demand. In Russia, it's gay people. In Spain, it's bulls, Basques and Catalans. In England, it's foreigners who wish to honour the place by migrating there. In Scotland, it's what we have left of our indigenous language.

The latest buffoon to lay into Scottish speakers in George Galloway. As buffoons go, this guy is one fucking balloon. A self-serving publicity junkie he has the same principle deficit as the Labour Party he was ejected from. Currently, he is the MP for Bradford West having generously volunteered his services to the Muslim community there. To say he represents them would be overstating it somewhat. He draws a wage.

He also attempted to get himself elected in Glasgow, not by going Muslim but by discovering his zeal for the rights of...er, Celtic fans.




Perhaps if Scotland's Gaels had a large urban community then we wouldn't see bullshit like this.



I suspect that the po-faced leftist cult that runs the Horte Strausberg youth centre in Germany would find common ground with Galloway. Since they decided to ban Oi Polloi on the grounds of them singing in Scottish Gaelic they have managed to cobble together some kind of response and explanation for their actions.

Their response is bewildering, not least the heinous charge that Oi Polloi support 'cultural diversity'!


Decision:
About 20 attendees debated for about an hour. In that process we realized that a part of us consider some of oi pollois culturepolitical demands as backwardly. And therefore do not whish an appearance of the band on our stage.
Why backwardly?
Oi polloi demands that oppressed nations or indigen collectives arise together against cultural imperialism. This way they want to defend diversity (my italics) in order to look collectively and folkish towards a better world. The primordial/ original should be rescued , the indigen languages saved. In our world only the guys and gals of the national party refer positive like this to folk and collective. We don´t want to participate on a europe of the fatherlands and on the europe of the capital neither (as a note for the black/white fraction)

The full response can be read here - in German and English. It isn't a surprise that many Germans in the comments section find it incredible that a band with a long history of anti-fascism and promotion/use of multi-lingualism is compared to a neo-Nazi political party! It is proof, as if it is needed, that the actions of a few self-important cranks who have too much time on their hands can spoil things for everyone.

George Galloway would surely admire their Orwellian take on internationalism and anti-fascism. 'Folk' who use and defend diversity are the real fascists! Hurrah!

See also:
WEEKLY WANKER #008: GEORGE GALLOWAY
Know Your Place – Gaelic and Elements of the Left
Report from the Galloway Roadshow in Edinburgh
RIC - Report from the Galloway Roadshow
Report from the Galloway Roadshow in Edinburgh
Report from the Galloway Roadshow in Edinburgh
Report from the Galloway Roadshow in Edinburgh

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Those tenuous Celtic Connections...



Sure, it brightens up a dreich Glaswegian January. Sure, it provides entertainment and employment to some. Sure, some of it is interesting. But, let's face it, a lot of it is shit. A lot of it is bland. In short, it's music to sit on your arse to.



There are always some jewels though - Shane MacGowan and the Popes, Vatersay Boys or this year's Mogwai offering. Too much of it though remains bland, uninspiring and commercial. Faded rock stars know they can add something acoustic to give their product a 'Celtic' veneer and provide a pay cheque. It's only a matter of time before Mumfart and Sons make an appearance.


Not only does Celtic Connections need to be more challenging and obnoxious but it needs to be more... Celtic.


Language is at the root of Celtic identity and unfortunately there seens to be too little of it at Glasgow's Royal Concert Hall. In the beginning, I can remember the likes of Anne Lorne Gillies giving Gaelic classes and Gaelic having some sort of profile in the official programme.

Like the morbid Royal National Mòd, Celtic Connections seems to be the nice but boring neighbour when compared to what the Bretons, Welsh or Basques do.


When organisers of the Turas Roc nan Cànan Ceilteach back in 2008 wrote to Donald Shaw - CC chief and member of supermarket-muzak band Capercaillie - they received no reply. This despite three genuine Celtic rock bands being available - Na Gathan and Oi Polloi singing in Scottish and Les Ramoneurs de Menhirs singing in their native Breton. The tour went ahead and was covered by BBC Alba on their notable Rapal programme that can still be found here.

So, here are some vids to remind the publicly funded of Celtic Connections that grassroots Celtic music that you can actually move your arse to still exists. At the very least, here's hoping they can bring the mighty Les Ramoneurs across again. Unfortunately, the late and great Yr Anhrefn from Wales are no longer with us...

Monday, November 26, 2012

Bollocks to the Stones - the alternatives...


Tired of the meeja coverage of Mick Jagger shaking his wrinkles with his fellow lovers of under-age lovers? As someone who was old enough to know what it was all about at the time, I still wonder why Bill Wyman didn't get the Gary Glitter treatment after he managed to get a lumber with Mandy Smith at the tender age of 14.

Hesian, London 2012

Never mind, I just wish I'd be able to have been present at the Basque Solidarity Sound System gig in Brixton last weekend. Raising money for and awareness of the blight of Basque prisoners in Spain, London and Edinburgh was the aim of the event. I can only hope that the likes of Hesian, Itziarren Semeak and Siroka make it up Scotland sometime soon.

Union Jack? Thall is Cac.
In the meantime, the once legendary - in some circles anyway - Antisect take the stage at Edinburgh Bannermans this Saturday. These noisy and political anarcho-punks from way back apparently influenced the likes of Neurosis and Godflesh. Expect some unremitting heavy music and harsh harsh vocals that will make Tom Waits sound like Jagger. Support comes from Dùn Eideann's premier purveyor's of Gaelic punk-rock, Oi Polloi.



On the downside, we hear that Liet International has convened a mysterious 'committee' that has 'chosen' a predictably dismal and not so 'ùr-nosach' piece of music to represent Alba in the minority language version of Eurovision. In the past, the great unwashed got the chance to vote for the likes of Welsh ska-indie music or Gaelic indie music to compete with Basque language rock music or Latvian death metal. This time, the plebes didn't get a vote and Gaelic Scotland is taking one step forward and two back in terms of 'new' music. Hey-ho, let's not go...

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Scottish punk rock: Dùisg!


Compared to the Basque Country or even our Celtic cousins in Cymru, Scotland has a paucity of bands composing new material in her own language. Fortunately though, one of them is a well kent face on the international stage.

Dùisg is the second LP by Oi Polloi to be recorded entirely in Scottish/ Gàidhlig though the language has featured in various other recordings over the years, including a session for the BBC Alba program Rapal. The last one Ar Cànan, Ar Ceòl, Ar-a-mach broke some new ground for Polloi's mix of Sham 69/ Cockney Rejects type Oi! and Discharge-esque thrash. Added to that was some crunchy Killing Joke, bagpipes and traditional Gaelic song.

Dùisg continues in more or less the same vein but with the addition of keyboards here and there. It's probably their best yet - lots of catchy tunes, though some of them are delivered at a pretty hectic pace. Some great guitar hooks as well as some dark and brooding grinding hardcore. The Gaelic vocals as per usual are more the bastard son of Tom Waits and Pinhead from Hellraiser than Karen Matheson or Mànran.

Lyrics deal with some of the usual topics but also break new ground. Since when did you hear of a song promoting the use of LINUX? And, in Gaelic punk rock? Other issues dealt with in the Scottish tongue are police brutality (Dìon is Cuidich), increased state surveillance (Ar Dìleab) and the futility of capitalism (Dòigh Eile).



On top of that there's an essay on why Oi Polloi sing in Gaelic, a short story in Gaelic and an interview on alternative operating systems for computers. If you're lucky enough to purchase the album at a gig, you'll get a vinyl LP with A4 booklet, CD and patch all wrapped up in a reusable Oi Polloi shopping bag. Otherwise, contact them for a CD copy.

Gaelic shopping with Oi Polloi
Is this another step forward for indigenous Scottish music? Possibly but at best we're treading water in terms of producing new and challenging contemporary music in Gaelic. We're miles behind the Basque Country. Let's hope that those agencies charged with developing Gaelic put more money into exciting cultural initiatives for young people instead of wasting it on ill-thought out projects like MyGaelic. How about song writing classes in rock music for teenage Gaelic medium kids instead of just learning auld tunes for the fiddle?

The only slight complaint that I'd have here is that English translations are included. We need more situations where English monoglots are forced to learn at least some Gaelic and where Gaels are not compelled to translate everything they say, sing or write into Her Majesty's tongue.

A worthy purchase.

Suas le iomadachd agus meal is caith e.


Thursday, June 30, 2011

Out of the frying pan into the fire for Scotland's Presbyterians


There's a battle in my garden with weeds. An aggressive specimen introduced from the Middle East has been wreaking havoc. The only good thing is that this specimen will, in time, apparently destroy itself - constantly breaking up into smaller and smaller pieces until there's nothing left but some annoying little nodules that wear orange sashes and become animated at the sound of a flute.

The genus is Abraham. The species is Christianity. The varieties are legion though there are several that fall within the Calvinist category. Sadly, these have taken root in Scottish soil and despite the efforts of various stalwart gardening experts from David Hume to Hugh MacDiarmid and Iain Crichton Smith, this poisonous weed still thrives in some quarters. Even calling in modern day pest-control experts such as Richard Dawkins and Iain Banks hasn't solved the problem.

The Church of Scotland sub-variety has been in turmoil of late. This is the creation that decreed that the Highland Clearances were the work of god. God had, apparently, chosen idle syphilitic landlords to get rid of poor crofters who sinned against the guy in the sky by living unprofitably on land that could instead by occupied by god's chosen sheep. In later years it orchestrated a vitriolic campaign against a Roman variety of this weed whose seeds were brought to Scotland from neighbouring Ireland. In recent times, the Auld Kirk has become more benign and in a fit of enlightenment recently allowed gay men the right to preach the musings and prejudices of Semite tribes. Some local pods rebelled against this and a few seeds have now ejected themselves and joined with their Free Presbyterian variety.

However, the 'Wee Free' variety is also not without its problems. After years of playing 'bad cop' to the Kirk's 'gay cop', It recently gave the godly green light to music in the house of god. This may seem incredible to most normal people who like a tune or two but many in the Free Kirk still contend that music in any form is the work of Satan and will only worship their god with ancient psalms. Each to their own, I guess. I wonder though what the stern and dour seed pods of the Wee Frees will make of a new crop of all-singing, all-dancing happy clappy Church of Scotlanders joining in?

Park on the Isle of Raasay
The Wee Frees are to reason and progress what the Lib Dems are to honesty and principles. Recently, one Wee Free supporter on BBC Radio nan Gaidheal, bemoaned 'the passing of the Sabbath' on the Isle of Lewis after Caledonian MacBrayne decided to run a Sunday service. His logic was that were humans to disregard the Good Lord's commandments regarding work and play on 'his' day then it wouldn't be long before 'thou shall not kill ' went out the window too and murder and mayhem would ensue. As this man's church also believes that we are all sinners anyway, no matter how heterosexual or sabbatarian we are, and that we are all destined for hell, then one has to ask why a Sunday sail on the Minch would make much difference?

One wonders if all these homophobic Calvinists will insist on upholding other parts of "God's word"? Shall their be stonings of tattooed men? Will adulterers be hung from lamposts? Will a dour but godly minister inspect every new born boy to check that his foreskin has been sliced off? Will there be a campaign to stop men conversing or worse, touching, their wives during their 'monthly uncleanliness'? Indeed, I understand that Deuteronomy even frowns upon women who wear 'men's clothes' as it is 'an abomination unto the Lord'.

Or will the 'gentle churches' content themselves with, as Sorley Maclean put it in his poem 'Ban-Ghaidheal', to speak about the lost state of our miserable souls?

Sing if you're glad to be British
Talking of music and homosexuality though... those Village People of Northern Ireland and their followers will take to the streets of Glasgow this weekend. This tiny but very aggressive variety of Abrahamic horticulture usually goes under the name of the 'Orange Order'. They proclaim their opposition to the aforementioned Roman variety due to its love of 'idols' (that means statues, pictures and photographs to me and you). However, their wind-blown meanderings along West of Scotland byways often sees them miss the entrance to their churches and instead end up inside the football stadium of Ibrox. It has also been pointed out that as they march under large banners of King William of Orange that they too are guilty of 'idolatry'. While this pedantry is nothing that a good dose of laxative wouldn't solve, it has also been observed that 'King Billy' was reputed to have 'enjoyed' more homosexual liaisons than all the gay ministers in the Church of Scotland put together.

Funny that. Nothing like religion to give you a good moral compass and consistency of disapproval.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Auld sangs for Armed Forces Day


Or, something in response to the British establishment's conscience salving exercise to make their cannon fodder feel valued. We are all taught at school that violence is wrong. Violence only leads to more violence. Yet, since the justifiable defeat of the Nazis, certain nations have waged unjustifiable war on other smaller nations. The UK and USA are the chief culprits.

Scotland most of all seems to suffer from a strange complex which often takes pride in its role as supplier of young adults ready to die for others' battles. Our young men, for three centuries, have been used to bolster England's many wars abroad. History tells us that before the Act of Union, Scotland traded peacefully with its European neighbours. After the Act of Union, England's enemies became our enemies. The remnants of our indigenous and tribal clan system, imperfect as it was, became moulded into fighting regiments. They fought and died for England in most corners of the globe and they received little in return.

In Glasgow, while a handful of Scottish merchants grew rich on stolen wealth from the New World, momentous architecture was erected while many tens of thousands 'rotted as they lived' - to paraphrase Sorley Maclean. In the Highlands, villages were cleared by greedy landlords, often while the menfolk were fighting in the British Army overseas. In Edinburgh too, refugees from Irish famine and Highland clearance turned the Grassmarket area into a Celtic slum where Irish or Scots Gaelic was the lingua franca.

Even after World War I, there was no land fit for heroes and tens of thousands were forced to emigrate to the likes of Canada. One of them was the 'Crann Tara' of the Gaelic language, Murdo MacPhàrlain - Bàrd Mhealaboist - who himself emigrated only later to return and fight in WWII. One of his later poems lambasts the 'British Hitlers who have destroyed my race'. As an old man in the 1970s and 80s he was a vociferous opponent of the militarisation of the Western Isles and the stationing of a NATO base in Stornoway. A campaign which was also vocalised in the medium of Gaelic rock music by the then young and rebellious Runrig:
Nis leugh t-eachdraich, fosgail suil
Anns gach linn mu dhoigh an Airnm
Stampadh air na croitean seagail
'S beathannan og aig gillean Uibhist

Cha deid mise gu an righ

Cha deid mise an corr a shabaid
O Lunnain mheallt, a Bhreatuinn fhoilleil
Cha seas mi ach 'son sith nan eilean


Now read your history, open your eyes
To every generation and to the ways of the military
Stamping on the rye in the crofts
And the young lives of the Uist boys

But I cannot go "for the King"
I cannot fight anymore
The deceit of London, the treachery of Britain
I'll only support peace in the islands
(Runrig - Tir an Airm )
Lessons were not learned and after World War II, severe poverty still afflicted those who returned despite subsequent provisions like the NHS. In Knoydart - see previous article - seven crofters whose families had lived there for generations were forced to 'raid' the land in order to scrape a living. The laird in question was Lord Brocket - a man so friendly with Hitler that he had even attended the Führer's 50th birthday party in the company of the Duke of Buccleuch. The then Labour government came down firmly on the side of.... Lord Brocket and the rebellious crofters went to jail. The episode was recalled in Hamish Henderson's poem, 'The Men of Knoydart'.

Today, many Scots are still 'proud' of the contribution of our young people to the armed forces. Even when they are not used to defend 'Britain' but are sacrificed in more needles wars for oil - Iraq (twice), Afghanistan and now Libya. Strangely, the equally oppressed people of Syria, Bahrain, the Yemen, Chechnya and China are not deemed valuable enough to save. British morality doesn't stretch to bigger nations that would 'kick its ass' or that don't possess large quantities of oil.


A  friend from the continent has noticed our strange obsession with war. I too have to ask, why are we glorifying this? Is it just a coincidence that many of our young soldiers come from areas of high unemployment? If we are to use socialist economics to provide employment - for some - then why not have the young men and women of Alness, Moray, Lewis or Lanarkshire etc making solar panels, wind turbines, trams or planting forests? Why should our respect for fellow Scots who are prepared to give their lives for others always take the form of war memorials? Better renewable energy surely than body bags and coffins draped in the Butcher's Apron.

Scotland has a martial history but, like clan battles and witch burning, we should leave our martial heroics in the past.
Fuaim a Bhlair
The Noise Of Battle


Fuaim a' bhlair, ceol a' chogaidh
An guth 's an naire
Air cluasan eachdraidh
Sgith dh'an bhlar, sgith dh'an chogadh
An t'eallach 's an cradh
Air gualainn eachdraidh

Blàr nan Gaidheal, an Gaidheal 's an codadh
An fhuil 's am bas
Air braighean eachdraidh
Fuaim a' bhlair, ceol a' chogaidh
An guth 's an naire
Air cluasan eachdraidh

Saidhdear mi sa' Fhraing 's sa Ghearmailt
Saidhdear mi air raointean Chanada
Saidhdear mi san Spàinn san Eadailt
Saidhdear mi 'nam aghaidh fhein an Eirinn


Sa Bheurla...

The noise of battle, the music of war
The voice and the disgrace
In the ears of history
Tired of the battle, tired of the war
The burden and the pain
On the shoulders of history

The battle of the Gael, the Gael and the war
The blood and the death
On the braes of history
The noise of battle, the music of war
The voice and the disgrace
In the ears of history

I have soldiered in France and Germany
I have soldiered on the plains of Canada
I have soldiered in Spain and Italy
I have soldiered against my fellow Gael in Ireland 

Runrig's Recovery album from 1981 must stand as one of the most political and groundbreaking albums ever from a Scottish rock band. Even without the context of young men, punished at school for speaking their home and community language and coming from a deeply religious society where rock music was frowned upon but that was still rich in ancient oral culture, it was an angry but overdue protest. Public Enemy spoke for their people, Runrig spoke for Gaelic Scotland. The record mixes hard rock music with searing bagpipes, waulking type drumming, Gaelic vocables and even singalong choruses.

Most of it is unashamedly in Gaelic with no translations provided. The sleevenotes and introductions to the songs are in English though. Today, 30 years on as Edinburgh 'celebrates' Armed Forces Day while the local council seeks to deny local parents a Gaelic school by using deceit, they are more relevant than ever.

Don't download it. Buy the CD or vinyl. The cover and sleeve are the best parts of an outstanding piece of work. Lastly, a quote from 'Mightier than a Lord' by historian Iain Fraser Grigor:
Year by year in batches of thousands they were sent to follow the battle flag of the Empire. It had been a Highland defence that followed the broken wreck of Cumberland’s army after the disastrous day at Fontenoy when more British soldiers lay dead upon the field than fell at Waterloo itself. It was another Highland regiment that scaled the rock face over the St Lawrence and first formed a line in the September dawn on the level sward of Abraham. It was a Highland line that broke the power of the Maharatta hordes and gave Wellington his maiden victory at Assaye. Thirty four battalions marched from these glens ere the 18th century had run its course. They did not march back.
Anti-war, 80's style...

Friday, January 7, 2011

A healthy Scots tongue in 2011?

Bliadhna mhath ùr as you might say in the original and auld Scots' tongue. 2011 is shaping up to be an important year for our oldest indigenous language on many fronts. March sees the census taking place. Some are predicting a drop in the total number of Gaelic speakers though most agree that the rate of decline has slowed. There also seems to be a rise in the numbers of younger speakers, especially in areas with Gaelic medium units.

Gaelic medium education has been a huge success by any yardstick. There are still problems satisfying demand for it though and sadly some of these problems are caused by public 'servants' who do their best to hinder progress - and Edinburgh cooncil's anti-Gaelic harridan Marilyne MacLaren comes to mind here. Fortunately, anti-Gaelic bigots are thin on the ground though they are still vociferous enough. They don't really have any reasonable objections and resort to erroneous statements like 'Gaelic was never spoken here' (if one is being pedantic it could be claimed that Gaelic speaking monks reached the Northern Isles long before the Norse came - certainly they reached Iceland and the Faroes in their curraichean before the arrival of the Lochlannaich) and 'no-one speaks Gaelic'. Or else they harp on about tax-payers' money as if Scots Gaelic speakers have somehow evaded paying taxes for the past few centuries. If so, then i'm surely entitled to one hell of a fkn rebate. More usually, the bigots resort to abuse when logic fails them and tend to set out their stall with the likes of  'Punjabi mumbled backwards' or 'spoken by a few sheep-shagging crofters'.

Surely education enhances life and an education that leaves that person with two languages instead of one is excellent value for money. Leaving a child with only one language is a gross waste of his/ her potential and is a future of American-English monolingualism one that we should aim for?

On the bright side, Glasgow wants to go ahead with a second Gaelic school. The numbers of kids in the Western Isles in Gaelic medium finally seems to be rising though less than half of all kids there are in GME units or schools. Comhairle nan Eilean Siar however are still years behind their counterparts in Wales and the Basque Country on using and not just promoting their valuable heritage. Away from education, Gaelic is seen more and more in the arts - including galleries in Dùn Eideann. This month sees an attempt to get Gaelic in the charts for the first time in many years with Mànran singing Latha Math. Other contemporary Gaelic music is still being created by punks and indie rockers such as Na Gathan, Oi Polloi, An t-Uabhas, Atomgewitter and Sunrise not Secular. Dòl Eoin is another cool dude who seems to do more than just parrot old folk songs written by dead bards. Various types of courses for learners are now seeking new students in most corners of Alba. This included the ULPAN method which brings rapid competence in speech without resorting to complicated grammar lessons.

On the semi-legal front, 'shadowy' activist group Am Buidheann Dubh continue to decorate various parts of Scotland in a way not seen here since Ceartas did something similar in the 70s. If the Welsh can do it...

Gaelic cultural direct action.


Finally, the high heid yins at the BBC have finally seen sense and 'allowed' BBC Alba to be shown on Freeview. Deagh naidheachd gu dearbh.

So, if you're a non-Gael who's looking for a resolution for this bliadhna ùr then, I'd suggest (I'm allowed to be opinionated here after all. I mean, what else do you want to read in a blog? My latest IKEA purchase or what I ate/ drank at Xmas?) the following...
  • seek out your local ULPAN course or night class in Gaelic and learn it. Use the BBC Alba website, radio and tv to support your learning. Click here for info on ULPAN and other courses.
  • if you have kids - send them to the nearest croileagan or Gaelic school/ unit. If there isn't one, write to your council and demand it
  • support Gaelic arts - go and see Oi Polloi if your ears can take it and buy the Mànran single
  • stick an Alba sticker on your bike or car
  • use Gaelic names when using the post. Dùn Eideann instead of Edinburgh, Sruighlea instead of Stirling etc... the post-code will ensure it gets there anyway. Why just go with the flow if you don't need to?
  • if you meet Tory Hibee and Edinburgh Evil News slaverer/ jakie John Gibson, don't bother engaging him in arguments regarding his barely literate slaverings in the press, buy him a few drams, film the ensuing carnage and post it on You Tube.
Embrace diversity and fck conformity. Suas leis a' Ghàidhlig.

Link to the Scottish Government's census/ cunntas-sluaigh in Gaelic here.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Satan's music, condoms and reasons to lose your religion

I wonder what the term 'a week is a long time in politics' would be if it were transferred to religion? After all, biblical literalists have attempted to wriggle out of their fantastical delusion by claiming that 'back in God's day, a day could've been.... a thousand/ ten thousand/ a million years long as we know it'. Funnily enough, this is just speculation -  'god' neglected to share this wisdom with his bloggers who scribed his word many moons ago. Just when was 'the day' condensed into the handy 24-hour package that we use in modern times?

Whatever, it seems as if god has tweeted some new commands to different branches of his many churches on earth this week.

Last week, the use of condoms was a sin. AIDS was a punishment from god for those who indulged chiefly in homosexual activities (am not sure if it applied to lesbians) but also those who fancied a lumber or two before getting hitched. Now though, condoms are cool! According to the Pope, it is now a moral responsibility to bag your bratwurst in order to deflect god's anger should you wish to stick it into the wrong oven at the wrong time. As I write, the Vatican is rushing out its own brand of condom, coated with holy lubricant.

Not to be overshadowed by the Antichrist, our cheerful friends in the Free Kirk have decreed that music is to be permitted in their churches. Last week, having a strum of a gee-tar or even a toot on the chanter would've landed you in hot bother, for eternity. But now, Calvinists too can get all happy clappy. Is it a desperate attempt to bolster their dwindling congregations with cool and hip McFly-esque interpretations of Leviticus? It certainly brings the auld joke to mind...
Why are Presbyterians against sex standing up?
It might lead to dancing.
At your local Free Kirk... Koombaya mah lord.
Joking aside, if these hardline Christian heidbangers had not seized control of Gaelic speaking areas some two centuries ago, some of Gaelic's famous puirt-a-beul/ mouth music may not have been born. Not long after the London government decided that the bagpipes were, er... instrumental in formenting nationalist sentiment amongst the clans, the god-squad moved in to decree that music was itself an instrument of Satan. Therefore, the fiddle, Jews' Harp, clàrsach, melodean and any other music maker of the day joined the bagpipe on the bonfire. Like modern-day drugs' laws, it didn't work though and soon the cèilidh house was jumping to fast tongue-twisting nonsense lyrics and vocables that people could dance to. It preceded rap and RnB by 200 years.

It is precisely because of all this nonsense that people are turning their backs on organised religion. However, should you need that we push to send you on your way into a godless life then here's some good stimuli.

  1. The Bible - many atheists maintain that most Christians have never read it. How can any sane person defend its mountain of contradictions, rich vein of hatred and disturbing perverse view of human relations? Even more incredible is that some people want to force this filth on children. So, next time you're in a hotel, steal the one you get free in yon bedside cabinet. Read it.
  2. David Attenborough - if Dawkins is a bit too aggressive then the British Isles' favourite naturalist and all-round genial grandfather figure will soon have you nodding in agreement with his warm brand of reason. I love his quote refuting the 'All Things Bright and Beautiful' train of religious delusion, "They always mean beautiful things like hummingbirds. I always reply by saying that I think of a little child in east Africa with a worm burrowing through his eyeball. The worm cannot live in any other way, except by burrowing through eyeballs. I find that hard to reconcile with the notion of a divine and benevolent creator."
  3. Richard Dawkins -  a man who is genuinely irritated by mumbo-jumbo and the refusal of others to recognise evidence. His anger, turn of phrase and general all-round intelligence makes for great reading. Of the Catholic Church and its obsession with circuses like Lourdes, he says "If you want to experience the medieval rituals of faith, the candle light, the incense, music, important-sounding dead languages, nobody does it better than the Catholics." 
Ave maria...

Links:
Sex, drugs and the Free Kirk...
http://news.scotsman.com/scotland/Music-to-ears-of-Free.6633155.jp
Smite-me-not condoms...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11804943
Attenborough...
Dawkins...
http://richarddawkins.net/