The Hand of Meekings

 

If Carlsberg made conspiracies...

The ridiculous Celtic FC has taken their culture of grievance to new extremes. The biggest and arguably most 'establishment' club in Scotland - two of their current squad are racists, another professed support for Israel's bombing of Palestine and their former chairman is a war-criminal who commanded the British Army in Iraq - have made an official complaint regarding a penalty kick they should have been given against the mighty Inverness Caley Thistle.

Here's hoping that the crusaders of the moral highground also mention their forward John Guidetti's dive to get a penalty- see above - against Hearts earlier in the season. Perhaps their goalie Craig Gordan getting sent off and conceding a penalty for a kamikaze challenge in the box may also have lead to Celtic's downfall? Perhaps, ICT themselves should've had a penalty when their forward was flattened by Celtic's second goalie late on in the game?

An honest gurn to the SFA would mention all of this.

Or maybe not. Swings and roundabouts, eh?

This wasn't a mistake though. It was, according to tens of thousands of their mainly Scottish and godless Protestant support, a conspiracy to stop Celtic FC winning the treble.

No doubt the arch-unionists and Brits who make up Celtic FC's ruling class will be quick to point out that the SNP have not ruled out allowing ICT fans to bring down Celtic players in the box... 

I knew this season would be one to remember.

#NotRuledOutByTheSNP

This video is for real folks! that's a typical deluded Tim for ya!
Posted by The Revival on Sunday, 19 April 2015

Bigot Story

Once upon a time, there were two bigots. Peter the Bull and Hazel the Mary. They owned an abode down in Celtic Cornwall. Their abode was open to weary travellers and to those on pilgrimage to view the natural beauty of this Celtic land.

Unlike other similar establishments, merely crossing their palms with silver was not a guarantee of rest and nourishment. What you did with your own palms was of utmost importance.

If you were a lone traveller and used your palm to administer pleasure to oneself then a blind eye was turned. If you were a man with female companion then each others' palms could be used by either partner to satisfy the demands for carnal knowledge and the innkeepers would interfere not.

However, if two male travellers were to simply place their palms in each others then the wrath of the innkeepers would be incurred and those who had sullied the purity of the chamber would be thrown out into the night. The innkeepers claimed that their actions were guided by an ancient text and by the teachings of three beings known as the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost who were also one being. However, news of this unjust regime reached a higher court where not one Lord but five ruled against the innkeepers and their imaginary god and implored them to cease. This came to pass and now the inn is no more.

In another world and another time - 30 years previous to be exact, there was a US punk-hardcore band which bore the name of 7 Seconds. These angry teenagers were both of another time and ahead of their time. They wrote a song which railed against the mentality of those innkeepers who close their doors to those they deem to be impure. The words were simple. But the words were true...

Okay, the fact that someone's gay, some say,
"how could they live that way?",
To me, it all comes down to choice, why fight?
It's just a waste of time,
Get hip, there's nothin' you can do,
Why should that bother you,
For decency, you fight,
But who is really right?

Regress, no way!

There are some, who'd like to enforce fear,
Don't bend, or you're a "commie queer",
Wake up, to human rights and see,
The truth, and your hypocrisy.
I spit on "the majority",
And what they want us to be,
And their "democracy",
Just will not work for me

Regress, no way!

I see, but I can't fit the mold,
Or do as I am told,
And if we are so free,
I'll do what's right for me

Regress, no way!

The slavering James MacMillan

The highly esteemed, or is it just steaming? - composer James MacMillan CBE has opened his little bearded slit again. The pompous Tory and defender of the Catholic Church has this time pulled his wire in the direction of National Collective - comparing them to "Mussolini's followers" and whinging that artists should not support politicians.

Ho-ho! Firstly...

Being an evangelical proponent of Roman Catholicism, I would imagine that Fascist dictators are something MacMillan and his church know a lot about.

Secondly, while I agree that 'artists supporting politicians' probably ain't cool, coming from a pompous phallus like MacMillan whose name is suffixed by CBE it is a wee bit strange. It is worth remembering that CBE stands for Commander of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire and is part of an 'order of chivalry' known as Most Excellent Order of the British Empire. How very progressive.

Lastly, to my knowledge, National Collective do not support any 'politicians' but seek self-determination and a progressive, fair future for Scotland.

Statue to MacMillan CBE in his native Ayr

Is he for real?

Alas, he is and he has form. He used to vote Tory but of late he has taken offence to the Scottish Tory leader, who happens to be gay, and her comments on Catholic schools. Interestingly, MacMillan was supported by the Glaswegian-turned-Irishman Phil Mac Giolla Bháin - a man who views love of Celtic FC and the Roman Catholic superstition as integral to the Irish ethnicity. Once upon a time, Phil used to be left-leaning proponent of Celtic solidarity but in his interview he gave the very Scottish and right-wing MacMillan carte-blanche to expound upon his 'social conservatism' and why the Tories should do more to attract Catholics to vote for them.

Funnily enough MacMillan seems to have kept schtum on the Catholic Crutch's shameful and ever-emerging record of child abuse. Why speak out on behalf of children - designated 'Catholic' by their parents - when you can lambast a lesbian Conservative on her opposition to segregated schooling? And, as he has a lingering interest in Fascist dictators, I wonder what his views are on the equally shameful collusion between the Catholic hierarchy and the Nazis?

I don't hold my breath.

BBC London - what abuse scandal?

Some say that aspirations for Scottish independence are insular. Ditto the demands for a 'Scottish Six' national news service. However, one look at British television, especially in the company of someone from abroad, and the Anglo, London-centric nature of it stabs you in the eyes.

When Hearts met Hibs in the Scottish Cup semi-final in 2006, the novelty of an Edinburgh derby in a major game was deemed to be of some importance in Londum. The guy in the studio turned to the video link and announced that 'our reporter is at Hampden Park in Glasgow...er or is it Edinburgh...no, Glasgow...'.

The general modus-operandi of the BBC and other channels based in London when assessing the value of a story seems to be one of:

1. London
2. The rest of England
3. The US
4. Anywhere else, if the body count is high enough

The latest child-abuse scandal and subsequent cover-up involving the Roman Catholic Church is one such example. BBC Scotland, to their credit, uncovered another saga of sickening child abuse at the former Fort Augustus Abbey School. As one of the offenders was allowed to flee Fort Augustus and to carry on his activities in his native Australia, the story has an international dimension. A dimension that failed to make it dahn sath though.

On a day when BBC Scotland's various media outlets were dominated by the story, the 'British' output from London neglected to mention it. We did learn though about increasing numbers of jelly fish on the west coast and of a project in Cornwall that teaches kids to swim in the sea.

As long as 'national news' continues to mean 'Britain' meaning 'England' meaning 'London' we'll be treated to 'news' that doesn't concern us - Scottish devolution, indeed the ins and outs of the Act of Union, has yet to seep into the London consciousness.

Aye right. But who popes up now?

The reaction to the Pope's resignation on 'health grounds' will surely be 'aye right' if you're Scottish and cynical. And let's face it with a history that encompasses almost all shades of religious mania from Catholic witch hunts to Presbyterian extremists to Orange Order violence and latterly Islamic jihad against Glasgow airport - we Scots have a right to be cynical of religion.

I don't usually subscribe to wild conspiracy theories but it seems as if the nature of the Catholic Church is to cover-up secrets while maintaining the right to stick it's nose into the lives of others. Especially the sex lives of others. So, accepting the premise that a Pope resigning due to old-age is bullshit - how many Popes have we witnessed who were obviously plugged in until eventually the wires frayed? - what could be the real reasons for the Pope's premature ejacu divestment of his responsibilities?

• The sheer weight of the global Catholic sex-abuse scandal? There seems to be 'a priest a week' being unmasked as a child abuser. With so many cases brushed under the carpet, why stop now?
• The Magdalene Laundries? Shameful as it was, the collusion between the Irish state and the Catholic Church to enslave and abuse women who they deemed as 'unclean' or 'immoral' was confined to one small part of the global Catholic empire. Not a big enough fish.
• Pope Ratzinger's Nazi past? Old news and while the RCC was guilty of complicity with the Nazi regime many individuals did resist Nazi tyranny. And while Ratzinger joined up he was probably too young to have too much of say so stories of his hand on the trigger as Jews,  Slavs, Gypies or homosexuals were sprayed with gun fire are unlikely to surface.
• Financial? Possibly. Maybe some back-scratching with Silvio Berlusconi?

We may never know. But that doesn't stop us speculating on the next old man to wear the silly hat. Some have speculated that a Third World Pope may be in order. Possibly but who's to say that someone from our very own Gr8 Britane could not step into those holy robes?

Let's go fishing...

Racist and homophobic Leigh Griffiths.

Leigh Griffiths - still in his early 20s so no chance of him being too auld anytime soon despite his haggard appearance. He's certainly right-wing enough with a history of racist and homophobic abuse against members of the public. However, even the RCC has sought to distance itself from its Nazi past in recent decades. Bit of a trouble maker though. Fortunately, if the Pope gig falls through Leigh knows that Hibernian FC - the 'holier than thou' club of Scottish fitba - will always give him a home.

Let us prey.

Tony Blair - has converted to Catholicism in recent years, perhaps with one eye on attaining the Vatican throne. Like Leigh Griffiths though, his past is a bit problematic - namely being a war criminal. However, the RCC found it within itself to accommodate Adolf Hitler and Franco as buddies in the past so who knows... Pope Antonio of Sedgefield step forward?

Notorious heterosexual Clarkson.

Jeremy Clarkson - a master of making offensive comments like many senior Catholics. His posh-school upbringing may stand him in good stead but his wide variety of victims could be problematic. Sure he's got problems with women's rights and homosexuality but he also has chips on shoulders regarding the disabled, Mexicans, Indians, Scots, Germans and the Welsh which would leave the Vatican with little wiggle-room in their global contest against Islam and Judaism to covert the gullible.

"In a statement released this week, Pope Benedict said that he has forgiven the Beatles for John Lennon's claim that they were bigger than Jesus and for their Rock & Roll excesses – in the clearest sign yet that the Vatican is working from the bottom of the complaint box." –Seth Meyers

A thought for Easter from Somhairle

Calbharaigh
Chan eil mo shùil air Calbharaigh
no air Betlehem an àigh
ach air cùil ghrod an Glaschu
far bheil an lobhadh fàis,
agus air seòmar an Dùn Èideann,
seòmar bochdainn ’s cràidh,
far a bheil an naoidhean creuchdach
ri aonagraich gu bhàs.

Calvary 
My eye is not on Calvary
nor on Bethlehem the Blessed,
but on a foul-smelling backland in Glasgow,
where life rots as it grows;
and on a room in Edinburgh,
a room of poverty and pain,
where the diseased infant
writhes and wallows till death.

More eggs:

• The Sorley MacLean archive - Somhairle MacGill-Eain Air-Loidhne
• The Child Poverty Action Group
• BBC report, Scottish child poverty hotspots revealed
• Lastly, independence of a nation and the eradication of poverty do not necessarily go hand in hand. However, looking at this international prosperity index which reveals that 5 of the world's most prosperous nations are small northern European nations not dissimilar to Scotland, then it begs the question, 'Just what are we doing wrong?'. Their definition of 'prosperity' is also interesting. The 2011 Legatum Prosperity Index

Glastonbury and Topman back in the dark ages

Imagine that David Hume never was. Or that everything Richard Dawkins wrote was a lie. Imagine that women didn't have the vote and were just baby factories. Imagine that women, because of baseless rumour and absence of science, were still burned as witches.

Welcome to Glastonbury and Topshop.

It transpires that vandals have desecrated a 'sacred' tree at a site near the happy-clappy town of Glastonbury - a town apparently populated only by people with double and triple-barreled surnames. Hippies, spiritualists and bible-bashers have, it seems, being trying to kill the tree gradually by embedding coins in the trunk or hanging fabric from its branches. These offerings to... god/ gods/ goddesses/ demons/ whatever were purely for selfish gain in the spiritual department. These rituals have now come to an end with the work of one selfless chainsaw wielding ned.

As to the town itself... here's what the Beeb reports:

"It's the heart chakra of the world," says Georgina Sirett-Armstrong-Smith, who is a priestess of Avalon at the local Goddess Temple. Others see strange forms and figures in the local landscape - a swan, a dragon, a pregnant woman.

Apart from witches and goddess worshippers, there are fairy followers, astrologers, shamans, alchemists, geomancers, druids, spiritualists and every possible variety of alternative healer. 

The ex-mayor chimes in with his own brand of mania:

The apparent takeover of the town by new age believers disturbs him. "There's nothing wrong with paganism but there is a certain taste of Satanism as well and I have always regarded Glastonbury as a Christian town." 

And then there's the local priest:

The local Catholic priest, Father Kevin Knox-Lecky, has also come across signs of Satanism.
"I have in the past found signs of rituals having been performed on the church steps. And that usually would involve candle grease and herbs and feathers, and sometimes blood," he says.

Of course, it goes without saying that when it comes to 'clear and present danger' to our children then Satanists are some way behind the Roman Catholic Church.


On another subject but one that is equally incredible is 2012, is the new line in offensive T-shirts by Topman/ Topshop. One compares women to dogs and one has a 'tongue in cheek' view of wifebashing - though of course significant numbers of men are also victims of domestic abuse. And, bearing that in mind... perhaps then the owner of Topshit, Sir Philip Green - supporter of David Cameron and whose political views are described in Wikipedia as 'being to the right of Thatcher' - wouldn't mind it if some hardened, crabbit and drunk feminists 'joked' his head into a kerbstone? Just for a laugh like.

Or, alternatively, Topshop could prove that they really have cajones and produce a range of 'X-treme' and 'Ultimate' items of attire for plook-ridden teenage boys everywhere. How about a range of shirts with a manly platinum-like finish and mottoes like, 'We are all Sutcliffe' or 'Free Gary Glitter'?

The ultimate dilemma of 2012. Who to hate most - raving mumbo-jumbo spouting lunatics or fat millionaire tax-dodgers like Sir Pip Green who make money from misery?

May 26 - Bigot day in Edinburgh

I guess it's the price you pay for being the capital city of a nation moving towards full independence. And unfortunately, being independent won't rid us off the braindoner brigade.

The EDL's 'Burkhas for Boys' campaign.

With the summer month of Beltane not far off, it seems as if the warming air, frolicking hares and budding trees have brought the boys out onto the streets. And it is mostly boys as well as haggard old fitba thugs with tattoos on their necks. Maybe the season that the Celts celebrated for its promise of fertility is bringing the stags out. But is the show for us, for the burrdz or for each other?

First of all, the active service unit of the Sally Army, the SDL/ EDL plan to march from St Giles Cathedral to the Grassmarket. Are they kicking off by having a prayer meeting? Why they are marching though is not understood. Is it against Muslims? Or are they protesting at they powerful branch of the Christian religion - also considered 'native' and 'traditionally British' - which has been embroiled in numerous child abuse scandals not to mention the horrific cases of castration in the Netherlands? Maybe the EDL are pissed off at Sunday ferries 'breaking the Sabbath' on the Isle of Lewis? Hell, maybe they've never been north of Larbert and think Sabbath wrote the hymn Warpigs?

Who cares. We don't need them. If they oppose Islamification and want to protect 'British' life then let them go to church, vote Tory and shop at farmers' markets.

The Apprentice Boys, Boys, Boys

The very same day has been earmarked for a march by the... Apprentice Boys of Derry! It seems as if these young trainees are going to down their set-squares and leave their 'Pathways to Work' scheme in Colm Cille's holy grove of Oak trees and take to the streets of Auld Reekie. I have some questions though. Will it coincide with the Gay Pride march as the last Orange parade did a couple of years ago? Are girrulls allowed? And, with Protestant churches closing down and being turned into night-clubs and housing faster than David Cameron can splutter 'oh, what a panic is in thy bresty'... shouldn't these Apprentice BoysBoysBoys get their bums on the pews before their precious religion dies out once and for all?

Not only that, but the new law aiming to clamp down upon bigots has dredged up its first pair of racists. And, guess what? They're Hibees. Not from the Ugly Sisters nor the much maligned 'establishment team' Hearts. Not even Clyde, Cowdenbeath or Airdrie. But good old Hibernian.

Bruce Findlay's Simple Minds, "Fuck the System"

I should admit an interest here. My maw is from working class Irish Catholic stock who happened to settle in Gorgie many moons ago and whose family subsequently became Jambos. Maybe some Irish Catholic settlers are more establishment than others? Someone though please tell the slavering Bruce Findlay - son of a Hearts' supporting Wee Free and former Simple Minds manager (!!!) who asks in the otherwise excellent 'We Are Hibernian', 'Who's ever heard of a racist Hibee'. The loaded svengali of stadium rock goes on to claim that Hibs are the 'anti-establisment' team in the capital. Well, he's obviously inherited his ludicrous black and white view of the world, to mention grasp of reality, from his old man.

An American view on the threat to marriage...

Of. Debate. End.

Neologism of the month: santorum

The race to become the US Republican presidential nominee has reminded me of a recent addition to the corpus of the English language. Hearing that Rick Santorum came close to Mitt Romney in the Iowa caucus reminded of the noun santorum which entered our pure Anglo-Saxon tongue some years ago.

As Tocasaid is a family orientated blog, it would be irresponsible of me to highlight the exact meaning of santorum. Suffice to say, it was coined to describe the liquid by-product of anal congress between two consenting adult males. The story of how Catholic crusader Santorum's surname became common parlance for this can be found here.

More on Santorum and his homophobic statements can be found here on Wayne Besen's blog. Apparently, Santorum believes that 'abolishing' sodomy laws will lead to 'man on dog' sex. Interestingly enough, this is also the opinion of the Wee Frees in Scotland. However, Scotland's own Protestant Taliban maintain that anyone wishing to descend into a life of zoophilia needs only to journey on a Sunday ferry. I find it fascinating that two apparently opposing sects on the Christian spectrum can have the same idea. Could it be that both sects are equally insane?

Lastly, it reminds me of the late Christopher Hitchens' quote on the nature of fascist regimes in 1930s Europe. Here's part of his last interview with Richard Dawkins from the New Statesman:

Fascism and the Catholic Church

RD The people who did Hitler's dirty work were almost all religious.
CH I'm afraid the SS's relationship with the Catholic Church is something the Church still has to deal with and does not deny.
RD Can you talk a bit about that - the relationship of Nazism with the Catholic Church?
CH The way I put it is this: if you're writing about the history of the 1930s and the rise of totalitarianism, you can take out the word "fascist", if you want, for Italy, Portugal, Spain, Czechoslovakia and Austria and replace it with "extreme-right Catholic party".
Almost all of those regimes were in place with the help of the Vatican and with understandings from the Holy See. It's not denied. These understandings quite often persisted after the Second World War was over and extended to comparable regimes in Argentina and elsewhere.

Warning! Clicking on the following disgusting links may lead to you sharing your bed with a pet.
Spreading Santorum blog
The neologism campaign
Rick Santorum's Anal Sex Problem

2011 - the year of ?

In Gaeldom, years were once known by epithets rather than simple numbers. Hence we had Bliadhna Theàrlaich (1745), a' Bhliadhna a Ghais am Buntàta (the year of the Highland famine) and more recently Bliadhna a' Chac which can refer to the year when either Thatcher or Blair came to power. What will this year be known as?

Here's some ideas from the preceding twelve months...

January saw Irish hackers gain access to the website of religious heid-the-baw Ian Paisley's party, the DUP and leave messages in and supporting Irish Gaelic as well as apologising for the party's many homophobic statements. One wonders who the DUP would rather god smited first, Gaels or Gays?

February. Not for the first nor the last time do we see and hear those Ordinary Blokes at Top Gear acting like a bunch of KKK hicks guffawing at the corpse of a young black kid they'd just lynched. This time they targeted Mexicans and their cuisine from the safety of their warm tax payer-funded BBC studios. Despite two thirds of the Top Gear team having had privileged private school educations they don't actually seem that well travelled. Anyway, I'm sure Clarkson didn't mean it. After all he looks like the kind of sad fuck who eats more nachos, beef and cheese than is good for him. Hey! Lets all laugh at these barmy foreigners and dark skinned pickaninnies!



March and a tsunami of world events hit the insular telly screens of Grate Brittann. The wave of water that left chaos in Japan also extolled the dangers of nuclear power and reminded us of what a dangerous and expensive white elephant it is. The British film crews meanwhile hovered over stricken Japanese gesticulating to them like English lager-louts stuck in a Spanish village and asking bemused locals for directions. The Arab Spring was also in full swing and the 'rebels' in Libya were rioting against Gaddafi. Strangely enough it seems as if the Libyan rebellion had its wheels oiled by French special agents. Cameron then miraculously found a lot of money that he'd previously claimed was unavailable to public services and promptly bombed the fck out of Libya. Cue human rights atrocities on both sides and finally the man who'd kissed, hugged and tortured for many world leaders only months previously was set upon by a mob and killed. Thus, the people of Libya are now free. More importantly, so is their oil.

April was officially declared the Month of Saxe-Coburg due to the Anglo-Germanic Prince Wilhelm having found a suitable receptacle for the royal poor-man's custard. Marriage and royalty in one horrendous package and fodder for the tabloid X-Factor generation. I understand that in the spirit of things, future winners of Britain's Got Talent will be deemed immediately eligible to marry a lesser member of the royals. Unfortunately, Prince Harry is thought to be too close for comfort.  Sickening stuff indeed but a good excuse to roll out Laibach's take on Engerland's nashanull anthem.



The month of May saw a merry Bealltain for Scotland's march towards independence. Who could forget the glorious combination of a slick and savvy SNP and a Unionist opposition whose campaign was so feeble and lacklustre that it could be perceived as anti-Scottish...

"Why bother with the Scottish parish assembly?", "Hey, mention Thatcher and the proles and Weegies will  vote for us anyway", "Dinnae bother using spellcheck on those election leaflets."

- and these were just the Labour Party quotes. In fact, Labour high-heid-yins were so cocksure on being elected by their 'safe' constituencies that some such as Andy Kerr boasted to Scots Parly workers on the day before the election, 'See you next week hen'. Ho-ho... how the mediocre fall.

Hence, the Lib Dems' ludicrous Tavish Scott, the Tories' dusty and arid Annabel Goldie and Labour's er... who?... were all sent packing. The subsequent leadership contests were just as dull. Even now, Salmond has no-one to match him as Ian Bell reflects upon here in the Herald. Roll on independence.

Flaming June and it was time to show some respect for the boys and gals 'we' send to become Taleban fodder in Afghanistan. Armed Forces Day was just another opportunity to wave a few Union Jacks and gloss over why the fck we're still involving ourselves and our kids lives in various foreign conflicts. Scotland unfortunately, including many SNP figures, is obsessed with our martial past. Get it over it lads and tell London to stuff their Eton-accented praise and wage a war on poverty.

July was a month dedicated to dirty tabloid lowlifes and a Jeremy Clarkson disciple with a gun. Indeed, this was a mad, mad month with EDL heidbangers marching and churches in Scotland getting their knickers in a twist over music in churches and gay ministers. Dontcha just love the religious right?



Things came to a heid in August when England's cities and Gloucester burned like Arab conurbations. Jeremy Clarkson was invited to protect Engerland's architectural heritage and fly a flag for lawrenorder but strangely declined. Cue a prolonged period of navel gazing, retribution and witch-hunting in the Land of Hope and Glory. The three millionaire leaders of London's political tribes condemned the rioters out of hand. Nick Clegg in particular plumbed depths so deep that he discovered hitherto unknown lifeforms living around an aperture between Cameron's buttocks. The bleating from the Eton boys sounded even more hollow when it emerged that they too had been involved in criminal damage and arson during their 'hoodie' years. The icing on the cake for Scots came when Unionists in North Britain were outraged at claims that the riots hadn't hit Scotland. Apparently, pointing out the fact that all the rioting happened in England did not make the riots an 'English' issue. Thus, the Labour Party and Lib Dems north of the border proved that they hadn't learned anything from May's humbling at the polls.

September and some rummaging around the Facebook pages of Scottish Defence League came up with Celtic's hot-heided midfielder Scott Brown apparently bonding with some small-town hicks in their campaign against...er, I'm not sure. Edinburgh's Evil News picked up on Tocasaid's fearless detective work and Scott Brown was forced to come out and act dumb, which he did very well. Whether or not the SDL are racist, sectarian, homo-erotic or just the footsoldiers in the Army of Christ's war on foreskins - as our Christian Bible demands - no-one can tell. Whatever, it doesn't wash well with Celtic FC's claims to the moral high-ground and eternal victimhood. Allah moves in strange ways however and next we'll be told that Celtic FC even employed a war-criminal and former Commander of the British Armed Forces as their chairman.

October was quiet-ish apart from the simmering stooshie over plans to allow gay marriages and the totally unconnected case of Liam Fox who had to resign his job in the Ministry of Bodybags due to his relationship with his best man. Oh, and Blair and Sarkozy's auld friend Gaddafi got butchered.

Gay marriages are still opposed by some.

November and the month of Samhain sees a coffin load of horrors released from Jesus freaks to misogynist Labour MPs to obnoxious young Tories in St Andrews. The campaign against gay marriage intensifies with bible-bashers getting themselves in a bigger froth about either the private lives of others or the rights of other religions to the word 'marriage'. The Wee Frees warn that allowing gays to marry is the start of a slippery slope towards paedophilia and bestiality. That's a guid yin! Pity they also said that about Sunday ferries to the Isle of Lewis. November was a month of anti-sectarian unity too with both the Ugly Sisters of Glasgow Rangers and Glasgow Celtic - do I detect a geographical pattern here? - uniting in attacking the Scottish Government's anti-sectarian bill. Various neo-Abrahamic sects from the Roman Catholic Church to the million and one Presbyterian splinter sects in Scotland also united to stop others from using the word 'marriage' on a piece of paper to describe a relationship between two persons of the same sex. Those two could be Liam Fox and Adam Werrity perhaps. Or maybe William Hague and his bedfellow. Or even the new Tory leader in Scotland who is, unlike the rest, open about her sexuality.

Lastly, the dark dreich month of December ushered in a flurry of black humour at the expense of others' misfortune. Clarkson again. This time wading into the public service strikers who took to the streets in numbers not seen for many a year. The fat toff would do well to remember that his girth is a product of public subsidy via the BBC. Maybe he's hoping to inspire another right-wing gun nut to act out his fantasies for him? Clarkson wasn't the only one though. English media wee-sacks Matthew Wright probably outdid Clarkson when he guffawed at the murder of a 16 year old in the Isle of Lewis. Now that Wright's show has been axed by the crusading Channel 5/ Daily Express TV, the wee nyaff has probably hit the bottle again. Like a character in Taggart.

Having been all high and mighty about others mining tragedy or poverty for laughs... I have to admit a bit of guilt in this department too. My cheap shot at the demise of the Scottish Labour Party was below the belt. Never kick a hypocritical, London-centric, bloated and corrupt auld jakie when he or she is down. Shame on me.

The Gove Bible, Hitchens, Winterval and Sectarianism

It's the great dark winter of austerity but Michael Gove, the testicular-faced education Caesar south of the border has found enough pennies in his sporan to send a new copy of the King James' Bible to every school in Engerland. Not only that, but this new edition will be prefaced by the Book of Gove.

Let us worship, with Gove.

Will the hitherto undiscovered Book of Gove be Old or New Testament in its leaning? Will kids be introduced to the vengeful, jealous and totally psychotic tyrant of the OT - the one who sends firestorms to engulf His creation and who has a bee in his bonnet about foreskins? Or will kids be given a hypocritical taste of the nice god - via his son, who is also er... himself... - who wants us to turn the other cheek except when marching into oil-rich nations to free their fossil-fuels for our use? Or will it be a kind of religious 'nice cop, nasty cop'?

There are some parallels to be drawn between the bipolar god of the bible and some Western politicians. In the bible, god creates people, draws up the parameters of their existence, insists they give him 'praise' for him choosing to create them and then melts them in fire if they don't toe his line. Equally, we have seen a number of tyrants 'created' by US and UK powers for decades now, usually for our short-term economic gain. However, like earthly sinners, they too face firestorms when they stop tugging their forelocks in the White House's direction.

Will this mass of contradictions be explained to England's schoolkids? I fear it may be left to a few 'rogue' teachers to balance things with the works of AC Grayling, Dawkins and the late Christopher Hitchens. Hitchens has many a tome which could easily be distilled and offered for consideration by young minds. Especially at this time of year when the sheer amount of bullshit forced upon kids in the name of 'Christmas' is staggering. Lets hope some of the content of Hitchens' The Portable Atheist or God is not Great is provided a.s.a.p.

Here's some of Hitchens' finest quotes on the subject:

“[Mother Teresa] was not a friend of the poor. She was a friend of poverty. She said that suffering was a gift from God. She spent her life opposing the only known cure for poverty, which is the empowerment of women and the emancipation of them from a livestock version of compulsory reproduction.”

 “The Bible may, indeed does, contain a warrant for trafficking in humans, for ethnic cleansing, for slavery, for bride-price, and for indiscriminate massacre, but we are not bound by any of it because it was put together by crude, uncultured human mammals.”

“To terrify children with the image of hell, to consider women an inferior creation—is that good for the world?”

 “Organised religion is violent, irrational, intolerant, allied to racism, tribalism, and bigotry, invested in ignorance and hostile to free inquiry, contemptuous of women and coercive toward children.”

“Everything about Christianity is contained in the pathetic image of 'the flock.”

“Who are your favorite heroines in real life? The women of Afghanistan, Iraq, and Iran who risk their lives and their beauty to defy the foulness of theocracy. Ayaan Hirsi Ali and Azar Nafisi as their ideal feminine model.”

I may use the term 'Winterval' to take the piss. There are those who are furious that anyone uses it. Instead, we are meant to accept our kids being brainwashed by fantasy and nonsense that isn't even in the Bible. The 'Good Book' is ludicrous enough with its mass of contradictions, hate and general mania. Even this book, on which our religious are based, does not make any mention of Christ's birthdate. Neither are there any wise men nor a star to follow. As Dawkins said of Catholicism, 'these guys are shamelessly making it up as they go along'.

The Wee Frees - Scotland's Real Proddies Continuing - are right in at least one thing. Christmas is simply an auld pagan festival that's been remixed over the centuries by the Pope and his closest men.

This leads me onto to Scotland's form of sectarianism which is actually pretty mild compared to the crazy form they practise in Iraq or Israel. To be precise, I wonder how the Orange Order and thousands of Glasgow Rangers' fans can continue to partake in such pagan and Popish idolatry? The Scotland of my maw's day all worked at Xmas. A friend of mine whose Irish mother grew up in a West Lothian town some 60 years ago tells me that hers was the only house with a Xmas tree in it.

This then is the peculiar thing about Scotland's sectarianism. On one hand you have thousands of... braindoners to be frank who hate Catholicism but who break the Sabbath by playing/ watching football, partake in Catholic/ pagan festivals and who don't really go to church anymore. Yet they still think they are 'oppressed' by the Pope.

On the other side, you have thousands of deluded Celtic fans who were born in Scotland often to Scots born parents, who speak Scottish and are culturally Scottish but who claim to be 'Irish'. I've met these 'second generation' Glaswegian Irish in the Gweedore Gaeltachd and they stick out like sare thumbs. You can meet the young lads speaking Irish and carrying hurley sticks or going to a session in a local teach before encountering swaggering loud Glaswegians with Celtic tops and gold chains. Now, who are the real Irish?

Some questions regarding sectarianism in Scotland

Perhaps not unsurprisingly, the new figures showing an increase in sectarian or 'hate crimes' does little or nothing to give us a clear picture of what's going on. Also unsurprising is the Roman Catholic Church in Scotland leaping on the figures in order to play up their victim-status. The RCC may be a minority of sorts in Scotland and the UK but in other countries it is very much the right-of-centre conservative institution that most of us here believe it to be. The RCC uses its influence to spread its own kind of hate - usually against homosexuals, women or those who deviate from the Pope's world-view such as those who use contraceptives. On this last point, it should be remembered that the number of people who have contracted the HIV virus due to not using condoms is probably in the millions.

First question is, 'Who really gets offended by so-called sectarian abuse?'

Like many Scots, I have a fair bit of Irish blood in my family tree on both sides and of both 'sects'. Despite a standard Scots Presbyterian upbringing in a non-denominational state school as well as occasional attendance at the local Presbyterian smiling school, I don't think of myself as a 'Proddie'. Indeed, I'm an atheist. Further to that, as I also have an interest in Celtic-based politics and Gaelic language, wish to see a united Ireland and independent Scotland, I guess I could also be called a 'Fenian'. So, if I were to be insulted by someone, would I be a dour Presbyterian, Fenian barsteward or a dangerous godless atheist?

In the figures, it seems as if almost half of the offences were committed against police officers. Now, the obvious question to that is, 'How the fck does one tell a Proddie from a Catholic police officer?' Perhaps, officers are obliged to introduce themselves first. So, if the polisman says 'Hi, my name is Seumas MacNeill', how am i to know if the man is a MacNeill from Catholic Barra or a Church of Scotland one from Colonsay? If he says, 'I am PC Maginnis', should I ask if he's an Ulster Unionist Maginnis or a Sinn-Fein one?

A further 10% were hospital staff, bouncers and taxi drivers. As with the cops, how is one meant to determine to which branch of Christianity your nurse or taxi driver adheres?

I'd also be interested in knowing how many of these victims were actually religious in the sense of attending church regularly, praying at night and not masturbating?

We are also told that 'only' one-third of charges were made at football grounds. But, I'd be interested in finding out, if possible, how many of those arrested, anywhere, were followers of one of the Old Firm clubs.

The Lord is our fkn shepherd, we shall not want.

Nil by Mouth also spoke of the need for 'nationwide' action as all but five of Scotland's local authorities had persons with convictions. Again, I wonder what percentage of convictions occurred in the authorities closest to Glasgow and its twin hornets nests of Ibrox and Celtic Park. And, as above, how many of those arrested in any authority were Old Firm fans?

I also notice that the Western Isles were among the authorities that were 'clean' regarding religious hatred. This too is strange. Not because of the ordinary locals who in some places like Benbecula go to different churches but send their kids to the same non-denom school but because of the words of those in the pulpits. I'm sure that a leisurely Google search will soon throw up statements from the various Presbyterian sects regarding the Pope being the Antichrist or else about 'heathen' Muslims threatening our way of life. Surely this is religious sectarianism in its purest form? 

Why should the Wee Frees - who know their mumbo jumbo inside out - get off while thick fitba fans who have never darkened the interior of a church are convicted of 'religious' hate offences?

If we are to move forward, we should treat tribal football-based hate crime for what it is. Equally though we should seek to remove real religion from public life as far as possible. This means no 'faith' schools run on public money - be they Catholic or Muslim. This also means an end to 'religious observance' in non-denominational schools.

All in all, this sorry saga is proof of Scotland's present backward status in some parts of our society. We can't blame it all on the Union and it isn't all doom and gloom but if ever there was a time to strive to emulate the civilised, prosperous and egalitarian nature of Norway -gun-toting conservatives excluded - then this is it. Not to mention the more marginalised nature of religion in our neighbour to the north.

Fuck religion. All of it.

Real and imagined horrors for Halloween

First you, then the Sunday sailors, then the gay brides.

Last year it was multiculturalism and for some timid souls, that's a bogeyman that will never go away. It shouldn't be but as guising time and dooking time comes round once again, there are new fears to contend with. How many of them really stand the test though?

First of has to be...

Gay marriage. As someone who sees the 'institution' of marriage as outdated, unnecessary and generally about as relevant to modern society as the Scottish Labour Party then I fail to understand the clamour by some gay and lesbian people to be involved in a system of belief that generally despises them. However, should some people wish to believe that their love needs to be 'officially sanctioned' in some god's eyes then go for it. The point for some though is that this actually threatens the foundations of our society. How? One person's choice of sexuality or celebration of it has as much bearing on my life as their bowel movements. If I don't worry about someone's toiletry habits then why should their bedroom habits or love-life matter? Get over it or else choose other cherries from god's word to pick like... waging a war on tattoos, masturbation, menstruation, working on a Sunday or promoting incest (see Lot et al...)

Hey! Some people already wage a war on Sabbath breakers. The 'Tartan Taleban' would be a fitting term for them if only the word 'tartan' didn't conjure up an image of colour. For, in the dour world of Scots Presbyterianism, people shouldn't be free to work, play or even travel on the Sabbath. Hence the dire warnings of impending doom from the Bible bashing lobby over the new Sunday sailings of Cal Mac ferries on the Isle of Harris. The warnings are that allowing people to think for themselves and decide whether or not to travel, work, play or go to church will lead to a 'change of life' for Hebridean islands like Harris. There are some difficulties with this approach though. One, other Hebridean islands such as Barra, Tiree or Islay have not been overrun by sodomites, goat worshippers or Islamists despite Sunday sailings and indeed all three of these islands are as traditional as they were ten years ago. Two, I am not sure of where the Abrahamic god of the King James' Bible decrees that the Sabbath be kept holy in order to maintain a quiet and rural way of life in the Western Isles. If Sabbatarian travel restrictions are to be applied to Lewis or Harris, then why not to Glasgow, Edinburgh or even London?

No jobs in Caithness for Norse speaking Picts then?

Next up is Gaelic in Caithness. Incredibly, the past and present Gaelic culture of Caithness is a persistent problem to some Highland councillors there. First they objected to bilingual roadsigns, claiming that 'Gaelic was never spoken in Caithness' despite the last native speaker of the Caithness dialect of Gaelic being recorded by the School of Scottish Studies in the 1950s and the whole county being littered with Gaelic placenames. Not only that, but because of Gaelic in-migration from other parts of Scotland and local Gollachs learning the auld tongue, Caithness has a Gaelic present too. However, even the one Caithness councillor who now accepts Highland Council's Gaelic plan still claims that Caithness only has 'Norse and Pictish' heritage. This is very handy as it means they can just leave the dead languages in the past. Or are the Caithness councillors going to show us exactly what they're doing to advance Caithness' Norse and Pictish culture? And, virtually every part of Scotland could claim the same heritage. Furthermore, if the Picts adopted the Gaelic language - see the The New History of the Picts for more on this - which was probably very close to their own, why can't modern day beancounters and bigots in Caithness?

Its somewhat fitting that auld terrors are revived now and again, like zombies, to scare the populace. One of these is Gypsy travellers (see excellent article in Bella here). In an age where naked bigotry against blacks, Asians, Jews and gays has more or less been banished to a lunatic fringe, bigotry against Gypsies is still tolerated. Ordinary white English villagers took exception to some Gypsy travellers having redeveloped a derelict scrapyard and demanded that they be turfed out onto the roads whereby they could then be hounded by different authorities using slightly different laws. It seems as if some of the travellers may have broken the law on occasion. Something that never happens at any level of ordinary English society, be it the lager louts at the bottom of the pile or the fraudulent lying MPs at the top.

Lady killers. Unfortunately, a very real threat to half the population. Labour's very own loose cannon and London hardman Jim, er,  Ian Davidson may fantasise about giving female SNP MPs 'a doing' but other nutjobs take it all the way. This sorry state of affairs gives the usual right-wing tabloid brigade another opportunity to gie it laldie with the flamethrower of prejudice. Disappointingly for the Daily Star, Express, Scotsman, Mail and others most misogynists and murderers are home grown 'Brits'. Therefore, any attempt is made to disown the suspect. 'Look, he can't be one of us... he... er he's... a GOTH!' Or maybe he once attended a Gin Goblins concert. Listens to Marilyn Manson. Smoked dope? Defo. Or, as in the case of Chris Jeffries, he happened to be old, eccentric and in possession of a face that only a mother could love. Unfortunately for the moral crusaders of the Brit tabloids, looking like the bastard son of the Grinch and Archie MacPherson does not a murderer make. Fortunately, the cops eventually saw past the hatred and hysteria that was whipped up by scummy tabloid journos, who most folk would agree are themselves only one step above murderers and other such low life on the ladder of public esteem.

Lastly, as if the guy in the sky wasn't busy enough dealing with gay marriage and Sunday ferries, his self-appointed propagandists on earth are agonising over what do with the Occupy London protesters outside St Pauls in London, Some of the godly few in the Church of England have shown support for protesters who they view as embodying the principles of Jesus. Others in the church have taken a more traditional Christian view and called for God to smite them or else to manifest himself in the shape of the Metropolitan Police, wade in and introduce skull to righteous truncheon. The church has also suppressed a report that is critical of the greed and moral standards of bankers. Its only days since Gaddafi was killed at the hands of a mob apparently seeking vengeance for years of brutality - or else incited by French agents and oil-loving NATO types. Whatever, his spirit lives on in the wounds of those peaceful and unarmed protesters shot by rubber bullets in the past few days.

They said that the world would be a better place if Bin Laden was killed, Saddam seen to and Gaddafi gubbed. Thatcher sorted out the unions. Labour gave our schools and hospitals to the private sector. David Cleggeron said that we were all in it together. Despite all this, er, progress... fear still reigns.

Enjoy those pumpkins.

Free schools or freak schools?

"Good morning Mr Murdoch"

Further to an earlier piece on the latest Tory knee-jerk reaction to have squaddies in schools, here's more, courtesy of Open Democracy. net, on the 'free schools' idea that has taken root south of the border. The freaks involved are not the poor kids but the assortment of unsavoury characters and organisations seeking to brainwash or indoctrinate the next generation. Not surprisingly, 'faith' groups have leapt at the chance fill youngsters' heads with more mumbo-jumbo. Surely if their faith is that strong why can't they wait until the kids are 16 and can weigh up the evidence with a more adult mind? Or are they unwilling to pit reason and evidence against this/ these omnipotent god/gods?

Also worrying though is the inclusion of such bastions of morality as News International. I guess this could mean an end to 'bad behaviour' in England's schools. Once News International have garnered enough info by eavesdropping on conversations in the smokers' corner or by reading the kids' emails, permission can then be obtained from either David Cameron, Nick Clegg or Ed Milliband - whoever is 'toughest' on crime at the time - to send in the dead-eyed Iraq vets to sort them out.

To quote:

ARK Schools managing director Lucy Heller, who has just this month opened two ‘free schools’, hails from Rupert Murdoch’s empire where she was managing director of News International subsidiary TSL Education. (Murdoch, by the way, is preparing to expand his education business, and the minister who has had breakfast, lunch and dinner with Rupert Murdoch more frequently than any other is . .. Michael Gove, a former News International employee).

Read more here: 

Mammon in the classroom: the men who’ve got their teeth into England’s £35 billion schools pie