Bad Religion: Darwin meets REM on speed

Punk rock gigs in Scotland are rarely held in venues that accommodate more than 200 souls. And while its not unusual to hear political rants between songs (rants in their own right), this is the first time that I've heard a punk band dedicate songs to Charles Darwin and celebrate Scotland's history of producing natural historians, scientists and other philosophers. Then again, this is Bad Religion and their singer is Dr. Greg Graffin, professor in space sciences and palaeontology at UCLA in New York.

The thousand or so science-punks who crowded into Glasgow's ABC venue were treated to a history lesson on their nation's own proud contribution to the enlightenment and modern science. A section of the lyrics in the classic BR song 'No Control' are taken from Edinburgh born geologist James Hutton's work in the 18th Century:

"we find no vestige of a beginning, no prospect of an end." 

As well as this hymn to theories of cyclical deposition on the seabed, Bad Religion raged through a selection of their multi-syllabic and tuneful classics including American Jesus, Recipe for Hate, Los Angeles is Burning and Sorrow. Strangely, there was no Anesthesia though if your career stretches back 30 years and some 15 albums then one or two classics are bound to slip through the net. The gig was also an opportunity to view accomplished punk guitarist Brian Baker on guitar. This ex-Minor Threat member turned down work with REM to join Bad Religion after his previous melodic punk project Dag Nasty came to an end.

Only precious few can garner our prosperity,
It makes us walk with renewed confidence.
We got a place to go when we die,
And the architect resides right here.
...We've got the American Jesus

Graffin meanwhile has started to supplement his cultural output by publishing a number of books. The latest is 'Evolution and Religion' in which he discusses evolution and how it is approached by devotees of superstition.  The book includes interviews with well-kent voices on the subject such as Richard Dawkins. In the shops on 27 September.

"I've fckn scored at Easter Road"

From Glasgow and Bad Religion to the Edinburgh Fringe and its Edge Festival. Myself and the Frau get a wild card entry into the Pearl and the Puppets gig at new venue The Electric Circus. The band features young lass Katie Sutherland from Kirkintilloch whose voice makes the band sound like the Cranberries. Pearl and her band have already supported the debauched Hibs supporter and friend of Princess Di, Elton John - he who once lit up Easter Road Stadium with his vile 'Candle in the Wind'. Back to Pearl though and unfortunately, the fuzzy indie guitars heard on the radio were absent here and the gig seemed like a family gathering with barely 100 present. The leggy and cute singer already seems to have acquired one or two stalker types. Watching at least two bald and middle-aged men mouthing every lyric while transfixed on the giraffe-like Katie and swaying like twee indie-kids was somewhat disturbing. All in all, the girl's got a great voice and is probably destined for great things but everything is just so god-damn nice. Its about as edgy as a Presbyterian sphere. Get a new backing band too - they look like Mormons, high on Colgate. Give me Bad Religion anyday...

Everybody is talking about the girl
who went and killed the delivery man,
but she looks so kind and gentle,
it just doesn't stand to reason,
I saw her right there just the other night
as stately as a slot machine,
but when she looked my way something mad
as hell came over me,

Anesthesia, Mona Lisa, I've got a little gun,
here comes oblivion,
I never loved you, how did you find me?
the cops will never prove complicity now, Anna......
all good children go to heaven!

I remember your face that august night
when we lied about the beautiful time to come
and that crazy old man who came much to late
and caused a chain reaction,
I've been hanging out there for eleven long years
like a church mouse wondering where the cat has gone,
and looking at you now
is driving me to distraction

 

The Free Taliban (continuing) of Scotland

Further to the earlier piece marking one year since the 'Sabbath busting' ferry on the Ullapool to Stornabad route, my enquiries have lead me to the enlightenment (?) that is the official website of the Free Presbyterian Church of Scotland. I did plan to write this yesterday, a Sunday, but guess what? The FPC site only carried the following message!

 

(Actually, the bit in bold is my own contribution to their message)

There also exists the Kirk, Free Kirk, the Associated Presbyterian Churches (APC) and the Free Church (Continuing). Of course, the usual others can be found too - the Roman Catholic international behemoth, the Baptists and Episcopalians. Perhaps the existence of so many subsects of this one branch of Abrahamic belief are proof enough that the 'word of God' has about the same legitimacy as a blueprint for modern and moral living as Donnie Dotaman's songbook - though the latter is the only one that is without a doubt the work of a grey-bearded man.

All hail the grey-bearded man.

The enmity that exists between these ever-diminishing sects should be not underestimated. While to the rest of us, there may be a bawhair of difference between the FC and FC(C) or even the APC - these cultists band about accusations of sinning or being the  'Antichrist!' with the ferocity and similar lack of logic that's usually seen in exchanges between tribal fitba fans. A Hearach from my student days told of the day his family visited their local FC manse. Suddenly in mid conversation, the FC minister lept to his feet and exclaimed that Satan's people were at that moment passing the house. The passers-by turned out not to be Black Sabbath fans (Prince Charles too?) or even Calanais-bound hippies but the sodomy-tolerant congregation of the Church of Scotland.

Whatever, a look at the website of the FPC will show you that their world is a world of fear. The logic is difficult to grasp as they kick off by saying that we are ALL sinners who deserve to roast, for ever. What then is their mission? And why then is the 'sodomite' worthy of more column inches of ire than the kindly auld cailleach on her croft? Whatever, the FPC cannot be accused of hiding behind a Nu-Labour-esque airbrushed facade. These guys mean business and from the off, they go for the scrote:

• Everyone is guilty of sin and deserves to be punished in hell for ever.
• God in his mercy has sent his Son, Jesus Christ, who is both God and man, to be the Saviour of sinners.

Comparisons with Islamic fundamentalists may be somewhat jocular but the underlying philosophy is the same. Compare Iran's 'Morality Police' with the FPC's sinister sounding 'Religion and Morals Committee'. The intention is the same, indeed the source is ultimately the same, its just the various splinters of Scots Presbyterianism thankfully lack the manpower and public support. One need only look to Scotland of the 17th century to see hardline Calvinism in full effect. 

Their page of reports has not been updated since 2007. But looking back to 2002, we can see the pattern being set with a list of bugbears being set out. I detect a certain jealousy present when they discuss, with no irony, Islamic fundamentalists and their support for the state of Israel:

When false religion poses such a threat to life and property the civil powers must take action in defence of their people. Atrocities are also being perpetrated against the people and State of Israel.

Palestinian suicide bombers are indiscriminately attacking Israeli men, women and children.

The enemy across the Sruth na Maoile in Ireland gets a mention too:

It is solemn to think that Sinn Fein/IRA, who pursued their own ends by

terrorism, used to meet on the 106th floor of the north tower of the WorldTrade Centre.

Incredible as it seems, the document reads like a collection of the more militant cuttings from the Daily Mail. Multiculturalism too is a source of angst - ironic from a group of people who cling to a Middle-Eastern creed, who evangelise in Africa and whose core heartland consists of a people who have Gaelic as their first tongue and blood from Celtic, Norse, Pictish and even Hispanic peoples.

Over the last thirty years the Muslim community in Britain has doubled and within it a very extreme element has been permitted to develop. Enclaves of extremism and hatred have been created. Muslims, Hindus and Buddhists are afraid to change their false gods
but we, like the Jews of Jeremiah’s day, have changed our glory for that which
doth not profit (Jeremiah 2:11).

Those dreaded Papists are targeted too. The designs of the Antichrist on the British throne in particular are a source of discomfort. Though the complicity of the Roman Catholic Church in the Third Reich comes in for righteous opprobrium, is the source of their anger human rights or the fact that the Papists practise idolatry? They quote the, probably godless, philosopher Adam Smith again with no sense of irony. I particularly like the bit about 'reason':

Whatever we may say of Islam, the famous 18th century Scottish economist, Adam Smith, was clear that Rome stood at the head of the hierarchy of evil when he wrote in his
Wealth of Nations that: “The constitution of the Church of Rome may be
considered the most formidable combination that was ever formed against the
authority and security of civil government as well as against the liberty, reason,
and happiness of mankind.” Such statements are not made without reason.

A section entitled 'Roman Catholics in high places' does not deal with nuns climbing Stac Pollaidh but with various eminent Catholics who may use their power to foist 'superstition' on the populace:

It is reported that Tony Blair usually worships in a Roman Catholic Church. Mrs. Blair is a Roman Catholic and a republican. Iain Duncan Smith, Charles Kennedy, Michael Ancram, Bill Cash, General Sir Charles Guthrie, Chris Patten, Anne Widdecombe, the present
Northern Ireland secretary, and a large percentage of the Scottish Parliament
are Roman Catholics. Mr. Michael Martin is the first Roman Catholic Speaker
of the Commons to be elected for 442 years.

I'm not sure if the Daily Mail would tolerate criticism of Widdecombe as some kind of godless immoral slut. One wonders if the writer had been listening to Green Day's 'American Idiot' whilst penning the following?:

It is sad to read of the President of the United States of America, George W.
Bush, lauding the Man of Sin last year at the dedication of the Pope John Paul
II Cultural Centre.

Then, it is with trembling fingers that I scroll down to 'Morals' and 'Sodomy'. Bad news for vegetarians though. Why oppose fox hunting when people are butt-fucking behind closed doors?

There is a hue and cry against people hunting foxes with hounds and horses, and the Scottish
Executive supports their cause with legislation... but teachers may yet be disciplined if they do not teach children that a homosexual relationship is as normal as marriage between one man and one woman.

The FPC moans the modern sexual education taught in schools. Would they rather it was replaced with the equally explicit Bible that teaches the menstrual fluid is poison, incest is desirable and that boys' foreskins should join the tattie peelings on the compost heap? Further on, we find... the Daily Mail! Hurrah for the Fascists! Now here we have moral backbone...

The Daily Mail reported (5th March 2002) that “Homosexual couples and
unmarried partners have been granted a raft of new rights in a stealth operation
by the Scottish Executive”. The paper says that next of kin status has been given
to those who have been living together for six months. “Bills have been quietly
amended to ensure that cohabitees and [homosexual] partners are treated in the
same way as spouses.”

The Word of God speaks of homosexuality as an evidence of a reprobate
mind, the degrading practice of those who have been given over to vile
affections, by God.

Warning though. If your kids don't fall prey to carpet-munching or bottom-sex then the drugs might get them.

Home Secretary, Mr. David Blunkett, announced that cannabis is to be reclassified from ClassB to Class C; it has been effectively decriminalised, resulting, no doubt in its
increased use and a legalised gateway to harder drugs.

If however, wee Angus comes home with a spliff in his mouth and the Pet Shop Boys pumping from his headphones, feel free to use your 'rod' to show him the moral path:

The Word of God forbids using violence against our children, but it does not forbid using physical chastisement. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far fromhim” (Proverbs 22:15)

After all this, we find a section on Intolerance of Christian Principles:

 

One of the functions of the minister of Christ is to act as a watchman. His duty
as such, is to identify and expose the movements of the enemies of Jesus
Christ, and of true religion, such as the papal antichrist, and the followers of
the false prophet Mohammed.

Legislation was pushed through the House of Commons, ostensibly to
counter terrorism but containing far-reaching measures which could
criminalise the minister’s duty to be a watchman.

Shit! Do they mean us?

That Mr. Gorrie failed to draw a line between religious hooligans and the
historic biblical Christianity which we as a Church seek to uphold is, quite
frankly, sinister. We fear that there is such ignorance of true religion in
Scotland that strongly held biblical views, and the behaviour of drunkards and
others who perpetrate violence in the name of the Christian religion, are
viewed as different manifestations of the same principles.

After the shame of being lumped together with the violently sectarian hordes of Rangers' fans they come to the final glum conclusion:

We have scratched the surface of Britain’s moral degeneracy.

From there we fast forward to the 2007 report. Surely God hasn't allowed the situation to deteriorate? However, the first paragraph spells it out...

IT is probably fair to say that, while within living memory there has been little
in the sphere of the religion and morals of our nation to cheer our hearts, this
is especially so over the past number of months.

It continues in a similar vein with rants against, Rome, Rome and Islam, Rome and the Anglican Church, Ecumenism, the RCC in Britain, the Papacy and politics, the RCC and the Bible (do I detect a trend here?), the Church of Rome and child abuse, the Papacy and the Crown, religious hatred ("John Knox is airbrushed out of history books"), political correctness (this time the Daily Telegraph gets the brownie points and the great horned one is mentioned... The Devil has tried this before. The State has become the parent, and political correctness impinges on deeds, words and thoughts.), homosexuality (God's punishment of AIDS hasn't worked so far...) and then, we have a new entry into the Immoral Top 40.... Atheism!

Belief in the paranormal has increased 10% since 1954. Last year the Summer solstice drew 21,000 to Stonehenge. We are sinking back into heathendom as the true preaching of the Gospel, and Christian witness, wanes. Atheism too is very militant among us and we are attacked by intolerant evolutionists. An ambitious campaign to spread this Gospel of darkness was launched by the Christian-hating writer Richard Dawkins, with his latest book entitled The God Delusion.

Though somehow I can't see Dawkins sitting cross legged at a Calanais solstice getting his Tarot read. Worse still, he's lumped in with Muslims too. Also incredible is the lamenting of the fall of Soviet Communism, godless as it was...

It is time our nation was realistic about false religions, for there is but one way of
salvation, and that is through Christ. There is no doubt that this is one of God’s
rods upon our country, and the terrible thing is that we do not know that it is
such. Mohammed seemed conciliatory to Jews and Christians to begin with,
but when rejected by them he became confrontational.The break-up of the Russian empire has released many Muslim groupings...

If I were Dawkins, I would sue them.

Fortunately, the congregations of all these sects seems to be on the wane. The APC may have as few as several dozen serious adherents. The Free Church probably no more than ten thousand and the FPC even less. The Kirk itself, 'moderate' but as recently as the 1930s it was enthusiastically spreading hatred of Irish immigrants on the grounds that most were followers of yon Antichrist, is in decline.

There are some in the Highlands and Islands who take offence to the mocking of these extremists and fanatics as if this were a mirror on rural Gaelic society. It isn't. I'm old enough to remember dour Sundays in Midlothian though to be honest, we didn't have to be as secretive about watching Scotsport on the Sabbath as some islanders. A little further back in the 1950s and this mania gripped even the cities. Much of the above would have seemed familiar to my mother, born within a stone's throw of the Hearts ground in inner-city Gorgie. Similarly a friend tells of an Irish grandparent in 50s small-town Scotland whose house was the only one to have a Xmas tree.

To be blunt, its time to leave these Knox and Calvin obsessed maniacs in the past. If we want such a theocracy we can go and live in Iran or Saudi Arabia - hardline Presbyterianism with a different label. A different image on the packet but when the reality is that gays are hung, rape victims are stoned to death and attitudes to sex are dictated by fantastical ancient texts, everyday life will be much the same. This is what happens when zealots of any religion - fascists - garner enough 'souls for Christ' to take power. We saw it in the Scotland of the past and we see it in modern day nations from Iran to the United States.

Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Sikhism - its all Dotaman, just different tunes.

Good cop, bad cop... free to kill cop

Ian Tomlinson was assaulted by a uniformed policeman whose ID number was obscured and who was wearing a balaclava. Tomlinson had NO part in whatever protest was taking place around him.

The offender is alleged to be PC Simon Harwood. Perhaps those courageous law abiding citizens at the Daily Mail or some similar organ that usually crusades on behalf of 'law and order' can find it in themselves to bring a private prosecution based on the evidence shown in The Guardian's video above.

Lastly, in recent years we have seen ample evidence of the nature of some cops - yon guy fantasising about being a Klu Klux Klansman and executing Asians comes to mind - and there have been many 'suspicious' deaths in police custody or in the course of their work on the streets. Even if you disregard the conspiracy theories surrounding the state and its police force, one should accept that human nature in whatever role it adopts is fallible, and ask, 'When was the last time a policeman/woman was charged with murder? '

Info on, or donations to:
http://www.iantomlinsonfamilycampaign.org.uk/

Not the Tartan Taliban?

Its been one hell of a godless week. A smattering of press articles on the under-scrutinized subject of religious mania in Scotland appeared and Bill Maher's religious-bating comedy-documentary Religulous arrived on the doorstep courtesy of the entertainment spirit known as Lovefilm and all to a soundtrack of melodic intellectual punks Bad Religion with hymns to non-belief such as American Jesus and Don't Pray on Me.

It is one year since the first Sabbath breaking ferry gave those on Lewis who are not affiliated with one of Abrahamic splinter groups, sects and outright heidcase cults the 'Satanic choice' of travel on a Sunday. It is roughly 5000 years since pre-Celtic inhabitants erected the first Calanais stones, probably because of some vague religious stimulus, ironically in the rough shape of a Celtic cross - predating the suicide mission of the son of God (or was it just God himself in a convenient flesh and bone package?) by some 3000 years. Surely the best scuppering of Roman glory until Italy's recent embarrassing exit in the World Cup.

A recent BBC report brought a smile to my face in which a spokes-mortal from the Free Church Continuing denied that his band of Old Testament obsessed zealots were bullies or 'Taliban'. Some may point out that were the various churches that exist in the Isle of Lewis that extreme then they would have wasted no time in removing yon monument to paganism that is the idolatrous complex of stones at Calanais as did the Taliban with ancient Buddhist statues.

I cannot claim here to offer documented proof of the following as there are so many sub-sects of hardline Presbyterianism active. Further to that, even island congregations of the more 'moderate' Church of Scotland tend to be more extreme, like some kind of St Kildan mouse - more rugged and robust than its effete mainland cousins. To my knowledge though the 'Wee Frees' demand rigid adherence to the Old Testament of the King James' Bible. This results in opposition to:

• the theatre - I've never really seen the theatre as a kind of petri-dish of Satanism but I guess King James' grasp of ancient Hebrew was better than mine
• Sabbath breaking - only 'work of necessity' should be carried out on the 'Day of the Lord'. However, if you are gonna be anal about it, then the Sabbath means Saturday. End of.
• pleasures of the flesh - the classic bogey man. Gay sex, women's rights, masturbation, adultery, sex outside marriage, abortion, scud mags, contraception etc... The usual bugbears of virtually every religious heidcase from Stornabad to Islamaway. But why cherry pick these fruits? Do they also demand that every boy is circumcised? After all, the guid book tells us that God almost killed Moses, of all people, for refusing to mutilate his son's genitals. Or how about women's 'monthly uncleanliness'? While Biblical enthusiasts may shout about the above on a regular basis, they seem less forthright about their chosen punishment for those of us who fall by their spiritual wayside - death. Maybe its this one point more than the others that sees equation with the Taliban as a given. Traditionally, such sinners were put to death by stoning or burning. Do they uphold this? I look forward to learning more.
• music - as per the theatre, another test tube in which Satanic microbes breed uncontrollably. Unfortunately, according to Professor Willie Ruff of Yale University, gospel music has its origins in the Presbyterian psalm singing of black slaves. Join the dots from gospel to RnB to blues and the irony of it is that the unaccompanied psalms of Gaelic-speaking puritans may have given birth to the very rock 'n' roll that sees young girls seduced by ageing Rolling Stones and Oi Polloi singing 'When Two Men Kiss'.
• vanity - myself and the Wee Frees may find some common ground if we were discussing the forthcoming Tom Cruise family reality show but of course, the Wee Freaks take it all too far. I was told by an islander of a native Niseach who went on Radio nan Gaidheal to talk of his wartime experiences only to be later castigated by his local kirk for 'vanity'. He may have survived being torpedoed by both the Nazis and the Japs but the guided missile of Calvin didn't miss.
• dancing... Auld joke time: "Why are Presbyterians against sex standing up? It may lead to dancing."
• black magic - or an sgoil dhubh in Gaelic. One reverend who recently called for Calvinists to 'lighten up' and see the likes of Harry Potter for the classic kids' literature that it is was criticised for "endorsing witchcraft".
  

The fact is that these maniacs are an embarrassment for most islanders. Religion in one form or other has always existed in Scotland, however this dour and extreme Calvinist doctrine is itself a relatively recent import as observed by Gaelic historian and Sabbath-breaking enthusiast Dr. Finlay MacLeod,

"A posse of Calvinists came to Lewis three or four generations ago. They were very effective. They turned Lewis effectively into a theocracy."(Click here for the full article from the Herald)


Though the Leodhasaich may now travel to the mainland by ferry or plane on a Sunday some normal aspects of everyday life are still banned by the cowardly Comhairle nan Eilean Siar such as keeping sports centres closed. Is this out of respect for a dwindling number of mostly aged Christians? Or do they really fear the wrath of god as some proclaimed was witnessed when a whirlwind hit Stornoway last year?! Whatever, some islanders are campaigning for the right to swim in Lewis like you can in Catholic Barra.

Religion remains a poison. Good morals come from common sense and not from ancient middle-eastern texts that encourage us to see women as second class, foreskins as evil, literature as Satanic and whatever other people do with their bodies in their own bedrooms as our fucking business.

You can read an islander's perspective on Iain MacIver's blog here.

Stirling Albion bought by fans

Congratulations to the community of Stirling fans who have bought their football club. Stirling Albion are the first in the British isles to do so though such a concept in not unusual on the continent. Two of the biggest names in the sport - Barcelona and Real Madrid - are owned by their communities as are clubs in the Netherlands and Germany. The Scots' cringe may say, 'we canny do it', but many Scots are doing it already.

The coming of the Scots' Parliament gave crofting communities the right to buy their own land. The crofters of Asainte in Sutherland were the first to mount a hostile takeover bid. They were soon followed by the islanders of Eigg - see above - who had been fucked about by a succession of rich and 'eccentric' landowners for decades to the point that islanders were forbidden to develop or maintain their own homes without permission from some wealthy and foreign fruitcake.

There has since been many takeovers of crofting communities - the latest being a hostile takeover of the Pàirc estate in Lewis. The hard work and dedication involved in these matters should not be underestimated but the flipside is that private ownership does not always work either. And, if it does work, does it work for everyone's benefit?

If communities can do it, why can't football clubs? In both cases we have livelihoods at stake as well as a lot of tradition and history involved. We've seen various clubs go under - Clydebank and Gretna come to mind from recent years - while many more are in deep trouble. Hearts are up to their necks in debt and should their mad owner withdraw many think it would be the end. However, if Stirling can do it, surely a large club like Hearts with a potential support of many tens of thousands could do it too.

Support Stirling Albion and lets leave the nay saying Scots' cringe in dark old days of the London empire.

Meal a naidheachd air Albion Shruighlea is gach deagh dhùrachd is soirbheachas leibh.

It's still Scotland's oil and Moore's Norway

So, the annual Gers report spells out what we should already all know about the potential value of Scotland's oil. Unfortunately, this wealth is still flowing into London's black hole and not into a Scottish trust fund, a la the wise Norwegians.

There is probably decades' worth of oil left. We could add that to our whisky revenue, renewable energy dividends, tourism cash etc... and then subtract what the UK wastes on WMDs, illegal wars and other occupations of third world countries, the Royal Family etc.

Labour's bum-chinned bampot Andy Kerr (a name originating in Gaelic which can be translated at 'wrong') says that its all crap and does his best to downplay the good news. Its become something of a tribal duty to denigrate Scotland or her potential whilst ignoring similar and successful nations such as Norway. It says much of Anndra Ceàrr that he would prefer a Britain under Tory rule than an independent Scotland that could possibly be under a more progressive Labour rule - assuming that an independent Scottish Labour party would return to some of its more progressive and traditional values.

Meanwhile, Kerr could do worse than view the out-take - 'Is Norway Utopia' - from Michael Moore's film Sicko in which he sheds light on the nature of Norwegian society. Would Andy Kerr really tell these Norwegians that they would be better off being ruled by Sweden again? Or even by London???

Milestones and millionaires

Yesterday's 'milestone' of the 300th death in Afghanistan of the British occupiers was grim. It seems as if it's already been surpassed by another fatality. Mealy-moothed Cameron may praise their bravery, but is their sacrifice of any benefit to us? Can any of us - even your diehard Labour and Tory warmonger - honestly say that your average Scot is reaping the benefits of trying to contain a hornets nest of our own making?

Not only are we failing to defeat the Taleban/ Al Queda (flashback a few years and you could replace that with the USSR/ IRA) but 'we' are actively making enemies. Valleys of neutral or previously supportive tribesmen have often been bombed by mistake. This, like the British massacre on Bloody Sunday, has the effect of bolstering anti-US/ Brit resistance and creating it where none existed.

Meanwhile and despite this Orwellian permawar and the continuing effects of the recession, we see millionaire footballers at the World Cup pouting like spoilt bairns and throwing their pishpots at their managers. Worst offenders have been the French. Having exited the tournament only a few hours ago, I hope these Pop Idol excuses for footballers get a roasting on their return. England are little better, what with their daily whinging of being 'bored'! Millionaire duds, holed up in a luxury hotel, playing golf, giving TV interviews, watching their competitiors and yet getting 'bored'.

I look forward to England exiting at the hands of the Slovenians and then been posted to the shittiest and most hostile poverty ridden township you can find in South Africa to face real fkn 'boredom'.

World Cup coverage - those wild colonial boys

Have you noticed that irritating and monotonous drone that imposes itself on the BBC and ITV World Cup coverage? Aye, it's the voice of the English commentators. Who put the colon in colonial? Was it Motty?!

The novelty of the first football World Cup to be held in the continent of 'Efrica' has seen the civilised ranks of England's finest sports journalists descend on the 'dark' continent. We have Eton hoodie and LibCon head-boy Dave Cameron forgetting his rugger days and crowing 'Come on England'. We have 'World Cup Motty' on Twitter. Hurrah! We have the numerous references to '66 and 'England Expects' has been heard more than once. We have reportage on the poverty of the townships, while well spoken white boys ask the locals 'How do you feel?'. We even have some 'token blecks' as reporters. We have little though on the 'British' Empire's role in creating the poverty though. And little, so far, on the violence that usually accompanies England' participation in tournaments.

The Beeb are perplexed by Anyone but England. It is often thought that the Celtic Nations' habit of supporting Anyone but England is down to jealousy and xenophobia. There may be some truth in that. But few people have any grudges with the English players or even your average English fan. However, as has been pointed out before, if it is legitimate for the English to complain about foreigners, why can't the Scots complain about the English and their domination of our politics, our media and even their often well-healed and obnoxious 400 000 settlers in Scotland? If England can regularly display their own hatred of... well, mostly everyone but especially Germany during football tournaments then why can't we express our tiredness at the arrogant and patronising nature of the English media?

What has been interesting has been the comments of some of the more progressive English voices. And I don't mean Sting or Billy Bragg. Anarchist agitator, journalist and former stand-up comedian Ian Bone reminds us on his blog...

"Last world cup when England lost to both France and Portugal there was rioting in the streets. Croydon has already drafted in riot cops for England match days so a defeat tomorrow by the USA should make Saturday night out a lively one. Watch them plastic chairs fly through the air.I wonder if it’s the same in Pyongyang?"

Riot? Aye, such has been the displeasure at England's demise in recent fitba tournaments that after one, a Scot in London wearing a Germany top was beaten to death and a Russian in Liverpool was stabbed to death as England's thugs thought he had a German accent. Sure, the Scot in a German top is provocative, but the death penalty for that? Maybe the English Defence League, BNP, UKIP et al have more liking for Sharia Law than they know? Did it really take an academic study to prove that most BNP voters had a low IQ?

If you get tired of England's Christian sudgers marching as to war, then you could do worse than read Ian Bone above or check out the Enemies of Reason which cuts through the boolshoit. Or else, open that bottle of Laphroaig Càirdeas at 57.3% and do some 'rhythmic African dancing' as seen repeatedly on the BBC to the Chomsky Allstars.

Anyone but Engerland

Partly due to my German better half, I'm supporting Germany. The other part wants nothing to do with the xenophobia, immigrant-phobia and disgusting Lib-Dem Conservatism that is gripping England at the moment. Partly also to the abuse my German partner and her clients received in a Fort William hotel from a party of middle-aged English tourists when the English refused to support their Euro neighbours. Funny that!

So, when England's media and their knuckleheided fans can bring themselves to celebrate the historic links between Germany and England, such as their common Anglo-Saxon tongue, patron saint, Royal Family and traditional habit of marching into other countries, I might bring myself to support them when they play anyone.

Laws - just another crook

I'm not sure which is worse about the David Laws case- a Lib Dem multi-millionaire defrauding the public purse to the tune of £40k or the sycophants lining up to pay 'tribute' to this thief. Let's face it, if those who 'cheat' the benefit system can face fraud charges in court, why can't this guy? Shame too on him for trying to hide behind his sexuality. Surely if anyone can afford to buy his own secret lovenest for whoever - man, woman or Tory - then this guy can.

To sum up some of the complements that have been paid to this fckr... right-wing Tory heid-the-baw Iain Duncan Smith, who is currently charged with tackling the benefit culture of the great white unwashed, first:

Mr Duncan Smith told the BBC's Andrew Marr Show his respect for Mr Laws had grown since they started working together in the coalition, and he was a "thoroughly decent person".

"I have no questions at all that he has the talent to be back... I've been in the spotlight myself, as you know, so I wish him the very best and hope the media leaves him alone a bit now."

Now for another Tory, this time the freakish and deviant looking Michael Gove:

The coalition's Conservative Schools Secretary Michael Gove also paid tribute to his Lib Dem coalition colleague, telling Sky News Mr Laws had never been a "tribal" politician.

Mr Gove added that Mr Laws had given up a lucrative career in the City for politics because he believed in public service.

Or the Lib Dem leader himself, a man who has made the rejection of principles an art form:

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg has paid tribute to the "great dignity" of David Laws following the Treasury Secretary's resignation.

He said he hoped Mr Laws would be able to "rejoin the government" eventually, "because... he has so much to contribute to national life".

And talking of consenting gay couples, how about Clegg's better half and the Etonian face of the 'New Politics', Mr Cameron himself:

"Your decision to resign from the government demonstrates the importance you attach to your integrity.

"In your short time at the Treasury, you have made a real difference, setting the government on the right path to tackle the deficit which poses such a risk to our economy."

These people are self-serving scum. Stealing tax payers' money while they're seeking to cut our services. Thousands of ordinary folk are facing the dole - and having their own privacy invaded as a test of their probity - while greasy and fraudulent Westminster MPs keep each others' asses covered and pay 'tribute' to those unfortunate enough to have been caught with their hands in the till.

Bankrupt Brittania waives the rules once more.