Crowdie, cream, cockboys and cocks.

The superb adaptation for television of Finlay J MacDonald's book 'Crowdie and Cream' has just finished a rerun on BBC Alba. The book tells of MacDonald's childhood between the wars on the Isle of Harris and the richness of Gaelic customs at the time.

It's been a while since I read the book but I recall that it was a pretty comprehensive account of life in Harris at the time, warts and all. I also recall a part which didn't make it into the BBC version. It described how the worst swearyword in Hearach Gaelic that you could say to somebody was that he was a 'cockboy'. This originated from the practise of helping horses mate. The job of leading the stud to the mare and subsequently guiding his member home was not much sought after and would invariably fall to the young and unfortunate.

By sheer co-incidence this week, I also learn of the alleged aversion to sex by the late Queen Mother. The debauched lives and bizarre times of the undoubtedly inbred royal family never cease to amaze me. A new book by a minor member (ho-hum...) of the aristocracy claims that the Queen Mum's offspring were conceived through artificial insemination. Or maybe divine interference. The QM 'didn't do sex' apparently and one has to presume relied upon her own cockboy to provide the next generation of upper-crust scroungers.

Test tube celebration hoodies for the Jubilee.

The book itself was written by Lady Colin Campbell. I don't get the 'Lady Colin' bit. Must be a posho thing. To further obscure matters it seems as if Lady Colin was born a girl but due to a genital defect was raised as a boy until her teens. Like Rastamouse, she has Jamaican connections - namely being born there, albeit to wealthy white settlers. Unlike the animated rasta-rodent though, Lady Colin had her wedding tackle 'realigned' and went on to forge a career as a model.

This family, it should be remembered, with the Queen at its head is charged with 'defending the faith'. Given the perversion, evil, wrath and many contradictions of the holy book, I'd say that this 'job' was entirely apt for the blue-blooded butler botherers.

Finally though, from cockboys to cocks.

Neil Lennon. The man has undoubtedly been the victim of hate-fuelled bigots. He was driven out of the Six Counties by Unionists angry at a Catholic playing for Northern Ireland. This bit I don't understand. If a Northern Irish Catholic choosing to play for NI isn't a statement of Unionism then I don't know what is. Ditto, the braindoners who sent letter bombs to various 'Celtic-minded' people. However, last year's victim is this year's loudmouth and bully.

Any neutral observer of last week's Celtic-Hearts Scottish Cup semi-final would've noticed a number of refereeing mistakes that were favourable to Celtic. Wanyama and Ki-Sung Yeung both tripped over blades of grass in or near the Hearts' box and Celtic's goal was clearly offside. Despite this, Lennon claims that decisions made against Celtic are part of a personal vendetta against him. Why?

Is it because he's not Scottish and is a Catholic? Could be true but then again, what about Hibs' Irish manager Pat Fenlon and Hearts' Paulo Sergio, a Portuguese Catholic? Barr a minority of troublemakers, the dark old days of sectarianism are over. Those who persist in aggressive and anti-social behaviour look increasingly like unhinged, bullying blawhards with a poor grasp of reality. A bit like Lennon actually.

Günter Grass, Richard Dawkins etc...

Surprise, surprise. Grass compares Israeli aggression with Iranian repression and states the obvious when comparing Israel to a bully. Therefore, he is "anti-Semitic". He is also German and has a moustache. Also, like the Pope, he had a thing going with the SS during his ignorant youth.

On the other hand, anarchist punk band Oi Polloi have faced similar criticism from some in Germany for their pro-Palestinian stance. Though this is the same stance that Oi Polloi's tour and label-mates, Israeli peace-activists Nikmat Olalim take. Hebrew-speaking Israeli anti-semites? Or maybe some, on whatever side, see the never-ending cycle of violence as past its sell-by-date?

Israel's government have reacted with...er predictable fury and banned Grass from travelling to yon war-torn holy land. One voice of reason decreed that Grass should go to Iran if he likes it so much there. Except of course, he doesn't which is why Iran - or its leaders - were also criticised.

Which begs the question. Is Richard Dawkins sectarian for criticising the Catholic Church? Sure, those who say so are missing the bigger fuckin picture and are the probably the kind of blinkered morons who see the entire world in simple black and white terms. Anyway, here's a few more simpull black and white statements to mull over...

• George Galloway hates publicity
• The Old Firm are good for Scottish football
• The Lib Dems are to be trusted
• Scottish Labour is very relevant to the future of Scotland
• Trident missiles keep the peace and keep us all safe
• The English Defence League are a repository of culture and Anglo-Saxon intillegence
• The Tories are not a London-centric grouping of self-serving millionaires 
• bankers and company CEOs deserve higher pay as it attracts the right people - nurses, teachers, firefighters and other public servants deserve less pay as it attracts the right people

A thought for Easter from Somhairle

Calbharaigh
Chan eil mo shùil air Calbharaigh
no air Betlehem an àigh
ach air cùil ghrod an Glaschu
far bheil an lobhadh fàis,
agus air seòmar an Dùn Èideann,
seòmar bochdainn ’s cràidh,
far a bheil an naoidhean creuchdach
ri aonagraich gu bhàs.

Calvary 
My eye is not on Calvary
nor on Bethlehem the Blessed,
but on a foul-smelling backland in Glasgow,
where life rots as it grows;
and on a room in Edinburgh,
a room of poverty and pain,
where the diseased infant
writhes and wallows till death.

More eggs:

• The Sorley MacLean archive - Somhairle MacGill-Eain Air-Loidhne
• The Child Poverty Action Group
• BBC report, Scottish child poverty hotspots revealed
• Lastly, independence of a nation and the eradication of poverty do not necessarily go hand in hand. However, looking at this international prosperity index which reveals that 5 of the world's most prosperous nations are small northern European nations not dissimilar to Scotland, then it begs the question, 'Just what are we doing wrong?'. Their definition of 'prosperity' is also interesting. The 2011 Legatum Prosperity Index

Glastonbury and Topman back in the dark ages

Imagine that David Hume never was. Or that everything Richard Dawkins wrote was a lie. Imagine that women didn't have the vote and were just baby factories. Imagine that women, because of baseless rumour and absence of science, were still burned as witches.

Welcome to Glastonbury and Topshop.

It transpires that vandals have desecrated a 'sacred' tree at a site near the happy-clappy town of Glastonbury - a town apparently populated only by people with double and triple-barreled surnames. Hippies, spiritualists and bible-bashers have, it seems, being trying to kill the tree gradually by embedding coins in the trunk or hanging fabric from its branches. These offerings to... god/ gods/ goddesses/ demons/ whatever were purely for selfish gain in the spiritual department. These rituals have now come to an end with the work of one selfless chainsaw wielding ned.

As to the town itself... here's what the Beeb reports:

"It's the heart chakra of the world," says Georgina Sirett-Armstrong-Smith, who is a priestess of Avalon at the local Goddess Temple. Others see strange forms and figures in the local landscape - a swan, a dragon, a pregnant woman.

Apart from witches and goddess worshippers, there are fairy followers, astrologers, shamans, alchemists, geomancers, druids, spiritualists and every possible variety of alternative healer. 

The ex-mayor chimes in with his own brand of mania:

The apparent takeover of the town by new age believers disturbs him. "There's nothing wrong with paganism but there is a certain taste of Satanism as well and I have always regarded Glastonbury as a Christian town." 

And then there's the local priest:

The local Catholic priest, Father Kevin Knox-Lecky, has also come across signs of Satanism.
"I have in the past found signs of rituals having been performed on the church steps. And that usually would involve candle grease and herbs and feathers, and sometimes blood," he says.

Of course, it goes without saying that when it comes to 'clear and present danger' to our children then Satanists are some way behind the Roman Catholic Church.


On another subject but one that is equally incredible is 2012, is the new line in offensive T-shirts by Topman/ Topshop. One compares women to dogs and one has a 'tongue in cheek' view of wifebashing - though of course significant numbers of men are also victims of domestic abuse. And, bearing that in mind... perhaps then the owner of Topshit, Sir Philip Green - supporter of David Cameron and whose political views are described in Wikipedia as 'being to the right of Thatcher' - wouldn't mind it if some hardened, crabbit and drunk feminists 'joked' his head into a kerbstone? Just for a laugh like.

Or, alternatively, Topshop could prove that they really have cajones and produce a range of 'X-treme' and 'Ultimate' items of attire for plook-ridden teenage boys everywhere. How about a range of shirts with a manly platinum-like finish and mottoes like, 'We are all Sutcliffe' or 'Free Gary Glitter'?

The ultimate dilemma of 2012. Who to hate most - raving mumbo-jumbo spouting lunatics or fat millionaire tax-dodgers like Sir Pip Green who make money from misery?

The heritage of Caithness...

... is Gaelic. Someone please pass this on to those councillors up to their necks in culture denial who think that removing Gaelic from Caithness' signs will miraculously fill the potholes in the roads.

Sure, Caithness has a Pictish and a Norse heritage too but recent research - not exactly rocket science either - has revealed parts of Caithness remained Gaelic speaking until well into the 20th C. These were native Gollachs too though if you add the Gaels who moved there in recent decades as well as the Gollachs who have learned Gaelic and put their kids into the croileagan there, it means that Caithness has had a continuous Gaelic heritage for a millenium or more.

I wonder when the last Norse was spoken there? And, was Norse spoken by...er incomers? And, is this 'Norse heritage' just a smokescreen to hide good auld naked bigotry? Sad that some still hail the Scottish cringe... and what could be more cringeworthy than the Scottish language?

From the BBC:

Census study shows Caithness's Gaelic past

Gàidhlig nan Gallach na bu làidire na bha dùil

May 26 - Bigot day in Edinburgh

I guess it's the price you pay for being the capital city of a nation moving towards full independence. And unfortunately, being independent won't rid us off the braindoner brigade.

The EDL's 'Burkhas for Boys' campaign.

With the summer month of Beltane not far off, it seems as if the warming air, frolicking hares and budding trees have brought the boys out onto the streets. And it is mostly boys as well as haggard old fitba thugs with tattoos on their necks. Maybe the season that the Celts celebrated for its promise of fertility is bringing the stags out. But is the show for us, for the burrdz or for each other?

First of all, the active service unit of the Sally Army, the SDL/ EDL plan to march from St Giles Cathedral to the Grassmarket. Are they kicking off by having a prayer meeting? Why they are marching though is not understood. Is it against Muslims? Or are they protesting at they powerful branch of the Christian religion - also considered 'native' and 'traditionally British' - which has been embroiled in numerous child abuse scandals not to mention the horrific cases of castration in the Netherlands? Maybe the EDL are pissed off at Sunday ferries 'breaking the Sabbath' on the Isle of Lewis? Hell, maybe they've never been north of Larbert and think Sabbath wrote the hymn Warpigs?

Who cares. We don't need them. If they oppose Islamification and want to protect 'British' life then let them go to church, vote Tory and shop at farmers' markets.

The Apprentice Boys, Boys, Boys

The very same day has been earmarked for a march by the... Apprentice Boys of Derry! It seems as if these young trainees are going to down their set-squares and leave their 'Pathways to Work' scheme in Colm Cille's holy grove of Oak trees and take to the streets of Auld Reekie. I have some questions though. Will it coincide with the Gay Pride march as the last Orange parade did a couple of years ago? Are girrulls allowed? And, with Protestant churches closing down and being turned into night-clubs and housing faster than David Cameron can splutter 'oh, what a panic is in thy bresty'... shouldn't these Apprentice BoysBoysBoys get their bums on the pews before their precious religion dies out once and for all?

Not only that, but the new law aiming to clamp down upon bigots has dredged up its first pair of racists. And, guess what? They're Hibees. Not from the Ugly Sisters nor the much maligned 'establishment team' Hearts. Not even Clyde, Cowdenbeath or Airdrie. But good old Hibernian.

Bruce Findlay's Simple Minds, "Fuck the System"

I should admit an interest here. My maw is from working class Irish Catholic stock who happened to settle in Gorgie many moons ago and whose family subsequently became Jambos. Maybe some Irish Catholic settlers are more establishment than others? Someone though please tell the slavering Bruce Findlay - son of a Hearts' supporting Wee Free and former Simple Minds manager (!!!) who asks in the otherwise excellent 'We Are Hibernian', 'Who's ever heard of a racist Hibee'. The loaded svengali of stadium rock goes on to claim that Hibs are the 'anti-establisment' team in the capital. Well, he's obviously inherited his ludicrous black and white view of the world, to mention grasp of reality, from his old man.

Occupy London: God gets tough

The end was nigh and so it was done. The Occupy London protesters at St Paul's Cathedral in the centre of the Great Satan had paraded their heresy and stinking sodomy - behind tent canvas - for far too long.

In the early hours of this morning, God and his son on earth, Boris, appeared in the company of several hundred modern angels and disciples - bailiffs and riot cops to non-believers - and whipped the heretics away in a wind of righteous fury.

No more shall the lambs of God in the City be reminded of their greed and incompetence which contributed to the present recession. Here in the new Jerusalem, they shall be free to enjoy their large bonuses while the great unwashed are smited with job losses, public service cuts and homelessness.

It is also foretold in the scriptures that many foreign guests will soon arrive to be greeted in the new Jerusalem by the prophets Dave and Nick Cleggeron. There shall be no upturning of tables in this marketplace.

Amen.

Further reading from the book of the BBC:

Gentlemen and ladies, it's time to move on”

David Buik, Financier

The proximity of Gaelic

Speaking to a teacher recently who had worked for a year or two in New Zealand, I found out that all primary children there learn not only some basic Maori but learn about the place of Maori in the history and culture of the country. Maori itself though is a relative newcomer to the islands - it is thought that Maori speaking people settled there around 1000 years ago. To compare to Scotland, our last indigenous people have been here for twice that or more.

Because of this, Scottish/ Gaelic is all around us in Scotland. Though if we don't speak Gaelic or learn it to some extent and aren't told about it, we don't know. The obvious step for Gaelic activists and for a Scottish government should be to make people aware of their history and environment. This should be fundamental to anyone who calls themselves an internationalist - if you don't have a nation and culture of your own, then what are you going to take to the international stage?

The Scottish Government recently announced that Scottish Studies would be mandatory at some stages of a child's education. This frightened some of the usual naysayers who see anything Scottish as being inherently inferior. To most of us, a journey into Scotland's past and present history and culture is a fascinating one. We could go back to the days when lynx and wolves were plentiful. Or examine the reasons for the building of the various monuments at Calanais or the settlement at Skara Brae. We could study the composition of Y Gododdin and the real meaning of the term 'British'. There is the Celtic knotwork and the thesis, from musicologist John Purser, that instead of being just a pretty pattern it was actually an early method of transcribing music. There are also the Picts who may have died out as a separate grouping of tribes but whose DNA lives on in many of today's Gaelic speaking population. And, of course, there's the role and place of Gaelic.

Recent evidence would suggest that the Gaels were not invaders from Ireland 1500 years ago but that they'd lived in Argyll for as long as the Picts had lived in other parts of our landmass. Sadly, Pictish is no longer with us though it is likely that some of it entered the Gaelic language.

Finally, we have a campaign to make people aware of the Gaelic that they already have on their lips in everyday Scottish language. The posters which highlight well kent words in Scotland come courtesy of Ulpan - a group that facilitates the 'ulpan' method of language teaching for the Scottish tongue. Maybe the next step is to make people aware of the Gaelic on their doorsteps? In and around Edinburgh, this could include Calton Hill as Cnoc Challtainn - Hill of the Hazel Trees or Craigentinny as Creag an t-Sionnaich or Rock of the Fox.

After all, knowledge is power and many in our society - such as racists, Unionists and religious extremists - garner their strength through ignorance and fear.

Gaelic/ Scottish then is our present and living connection to our distant past.

Further reading/ listening:
A New History of the Picts, Stuart McHardy
Scotland's Music, John Purser
Scottish Place-name Society/ Comann Ainmean-aite na h-Alba

Second boozebus needed for Scottish Labour

With Eric Joyce managing to withdraw his head from his own erse for long enough to stick it on a Tory MP, the once stiff-backed sudger has seen his once 'promising' career finally hit the bottom of the glass. Years of fleecing the public purse either directly via his 'expenses for oil paintings' escapade or indirectly through his frequent indulgence in the subsidised bar in the House of Commons have seen his political fortunes come to resemble his haggard and careworn alcohol-beaten visage.

Labour wait years for a Boozebus and now they all come at once.

Forward with Labour. For..where with...Labour?

The most intriguing thing about it is just what the fluk did the Tory say to deserve such a mauling? I'd like to think that the Tory MP for Pudsey (really), Stuart Andrew called him a 'porridge wog and subsidy junkie who doesn't have the balls to go for independence'. Joyce was so inebriated that forgetting he was a Labour stooge, gave Andrew a hiding that he won't forget anytime soon. Not satisfied with sticking the heid on a Tory he leathered a few of his Labour comrades who came to the defence of the milk-snatcher.

Another angle is that the Welsh and openly gay Andrew is a bit two-faced when it comes to his politics. It seems that over the years he's played for both Hearts and Hibs, politically speaking, and jumped side depending the prevailing mood of the time.

Whatever, its kind of amusing to see the Unionists being so... disunited.

On top of the current Labour meltdown in Glasgow, the Tom Harris idiocy and the failure of several cocksure MSPs to hold their seats at last year's Scottish elections, this would seem to be another nail in Scottish Labour's coffin. The party are bankrupt and redundant on many fronts. The best approach for Scottish Labour is to cut ties with bloated and corrupt London and start again in an independent Scotland. Some have floated the idea of 'Labour for Independence'. Do they have the clachan for it though?

So many devils to sup with...

So, the great horned one has spoken from his British lair in Wapping and apparently declared his support for a 'competitive Scotland'. That could of course mean independence or maybe he's just wishing Craig Levein luck in the national fitba team's encounter with Slovenia next week.

He has however been unequivocal in his praise for Alec Salmond as the best politician in these islands. The other bit-part politicians in the Parish of North Britain have not been pleased and have passed around enough sour grapes between them to make Jeremy Clarkson's haemorrhoids seem few and far between.

Willie 'warmer' Rennie of the Scottish ConDems revelled in the rancid vineyard more than most and said that Murdoch's eight words would not convince 'us' to move forward to a progressive independent Scotland that is not ruled by a minority government of ex-Eton Tories propped up by his party.

Rupert Murdoch is without doubt a grade-A cnut. But, let's face it, an independent Scotland is gonna attract the attention of saints and sinners alike. Scots or those who support our independence are not inherently 'good'. And neither are those who support a conservative and warmongering United Kingdom inherently a bunch of crackpots, Europhobes, Nazis and dinosaurs.

It's still worth casting an eye over Willie Rennie's bedfellows in the fight to 'Keep Brutain United' and to 'Keep Scotland Brutish'. Are they any better or worse than Rupert Murdoch. As ever, Tocasaid lets you - the reader - decide....

The BNP, seen here in former times

The Orange Order - no surrender to progress

Loudmouth bigot, Ian Paisley

Aye, that Ian Paisley

Er... a long-dead and 'metro-sexual' foreign monarch.

Thatcher and friends

Thatcher's apprentice

Oswald Mosely and his British Union of Fascists would approve .

The horny-handed sons of toil in UKIP.

And lastly, Jeremy Clarkson.