Jo Cox - that's where it ends

Today's murder of a pro-Euro and pro-immigration Labour MP has been brewing for years.

In the 70s, the loony National Front campaigned chiefly against black immigration. For different reasons that and a fear of general immigration subsided a bit and became the preserve of posh bigots and council-estate fuhrers. For a while.

Then it was 'illegal immigrants' though 'genuine' asylum seekers were welcomed. Now, hard-working Polish plumbers are scorned and no asylum seeker is genuine.

Now, it's mainstream and everyone from Syrian refugees to 'migrants' from other EU nations to Gaelic-speaking Australian children are objects of derision. Immigration must be 'controlled' says an England/ Britain that has long since surrendered her industries, working classes and much of her culture to multi-national big business and the banking classes.

'We want our culture back' scream toffs and neds alike as they guzzle Belgian beer, curries, nachos, pizzas, kebabs, drive German cars, use Japanese technology, watch American films, wear Bangladeshi-made clothes, write barely literate Tweets using a Roman alphabet and Arabic numerals.

For wealthy bigots like Nigel Farage and his self-appointed bodyguards in Britain First, publicity has been easy to find. Add to this the tabloid front pages - what started as a drip-fed poison has become a daily scream of fearmongering hate.

The BBC must shoulder a lot of the blame for Farage's disproportionate appearances on Question Time. The press have built him and his party up while stoking 'legitimate' fears about immigration. Britain First and other morons like the EDL - whipped up into a fury by Farage and the media - have taken their hate onto the streets in a mirror image of NF ugliness from the 70s.

Britain First and their terrorist chic.

This has culminated in the sorry spectacle that is the #Brexit referendum. Immigration has always been the main beef for most Brexit enthusiasts though unfettered access to wealth through exploitation has had its attractions too. The Leave campaign's leaflets are evidence of this - little or nothing about what Britain would do with 'complete' control - but lots on immigration. The threat of Turkey joining - and the implication that millions of their dark-skinned Muslims will come here. More insidious was the highlighting of Iraq and Syria as if they could conceivably join too at a future date.

No. The EU has its faults but fuck Brexit. We will become a fascist-lite fantasy isle as envisaged by Farage if we exit. There will be no socialist resurgence. For Scotland, we may have a second indyref  as a way-out from the madness but for England...?

Fear of foreigners shows no sign of abating.

Labour too have infamously joined in the melee with 'control immigration' mugs and even Milliband's talk of 'border guards' on the Scottish/ English border should us Scots vote for self-determination.

To their credit, some in Labour such as the late Jo Cox and leader Corbyn have stuck by their internationalist and anti-racist principles. I only wish there were more of their calibre in Labour, north or south of the border.

I'm of the view that immigration has never been an issue. People come, people go. They always have and they always will. It's nature.

Sure, some will always fear and hate the new or the unknown. There should be no excuse for that in 2016. We don't believe priests and witchdoctors anymore.

If these people, racists and fascists, cannot be educated or persuaded to keep any poisonous thoughts to themselves then they must be opposed.

The lessons of history from Spain '36 to WWII to Islamist fascists such as Daesh must be learned.

Fascism doesn't start with concentration camps - that's where it ends. No pasaran.

Football celebs vote in #GE2015!

We all know that Alex Ferguson is a Labour man, whatever their policies are. Also that ex-Hearts and Hibs red-card junkie Michael Stewart is an intelligent advocate of independence and is backing the SNP. Terry Butcher is, or at least used to be, a Tory. But, let's face it, fitba celebs rarely put their heads above the parapet on the political front.

Tocasaid will hazard a few guesses though.

So, with the election upon us and episodes of mindless sickening violence (see above) now in the past, let's enjoy some 90-minute nuggets...

First up is house-favourite Leigh Griffiths. Hibs fan and righteous Celtic FC forward has been banging in the hat-tricks lately. His ongoing hat-trick seems to be the triple-grudge of racism, homophobia and Islamophobia. That's surely makes him a Ukip man.

Moving slightly to the left, we have Ally McCoist. He's a well known Unionist and with Oldco Rangers having corned the right-wing conservative market for fans in recent decades, he's sure to be a Tory. In fact, I reckon he's so taken with Scottish Conservatism that he's morphing into Ruth Davidson.

Anne Budge of Hearts and Leanne Dempster of Hibs are two independently-minded women with clear visions of what their respective clubs should look like. They also thrive in an otherwise backward-male environment. That makes them SNP fans of oor Nicola.

Robbie Neilson. Young manager who's quiet demeanour has nevertheless yielded spectacular results for Hearts this season, albeit in the second tier. They won the league by a country mile as the SNP are predicted to do on May 7th. SNP again for this winner.

 

Lee 'Elbows' McCulloch. Past the sell-by date footballer and vicious hardman of The Rangers FC. Even his own fans don't like him. Other fans detest him. Referees don't know he exists. He's not very popular. He must be a Lib Dem.

Alan Stubbs. Used to be a likeable guy but has grown into one hell of a bitter man this season as Hibs yo-yo all over the place - one minute they're horsing Sevco and the next allowing Christian Nade of all people to dance around their defence and score. Given his bitterness towards other teams and fans coupled with the fact that his team finished a very distant second to winners Hearts, he has to be a Labour man. No Jim Murphy though as Stubbs is just bitter, not evil.

Inverness Caledonian Thistle. Hell, we may not all support them but most of us have a soft-spot for them. There's Yogi for a start who's gone from buffoon to manager of the year. And, there's the excellent Twitter account. The Frankie Boyle of the football Twitter world though not as foul-mouthed. They also love beating the corporate-corpse of Scottish fitba - Celtic FC. I'm sure they're partial to a few jars and a 'wee smoke'. Defo a Green Party team and what's wrong with that?

Angry denials or accusations of hate-speech here? Contact the Daily Mail. Corrections or suggestions? Post below.

Vote early, vote often, vote SNP.

Labour/ Ukip coalition on the cards?

Many have looked on with a morbid fascination as Labour in recent years has moved further and further to the right. It's been truly horrible though the reality of what's happened has been evident enough. It's as if Jackie Baillie rolled up to your house just to squat on your lawn and lay a huge steaming log. You'd look on, intoxicated by the novelty of the scene but horrified by the spectacle and consequences.

And, what are the consequences of Labour's latest attack on Johnny Foreigner? I hate to think.

Or to put it another way, Labour are unashamedly going for the racist/ Ukip/ Bnp/ EDL/ Britain First vote at a time when the Daily Mail's bogeyman du jour, Alex Salmond, is talking up the benefits of immigration.

For the Middle-England audience, Labour have been falling over themselves to distance the party from the SNP. Yet up here, Murphy is trying to airbrush his many past misdemeanours by embracing any 'Clause 4' ideology from free tuition to free prescriptions.

Labour too should be confronting the Little Englanders head-on instead of stoking their fears. Whether they come from Germany or Nigeria, whether to pick our veg or perform brain surgery - immigration is good. Culturally too, the benefits are evident all around us. The fact there are some dinosaurs in every group of people - be they immigrants or 'natives' - who are scared of 'the other' makes it all the more important to stand up to the bullshit of the anti-immigration rhetoric. Labour have form on this though. From local-campaign leaflets to Gordon Brown lifting NF slogans from the 1970s - British Jobs for British Workers.

Why does this need to spelled out in the year 2015?

And the consequences? The political spectrum of the 'paedo-parliament' in Westminster is pulled further to the right. Roll on the next indy-ref.

Its twins! Royal babies to take power!

We are privileged to reveal that the Royal Baby is not one but two! They are very premature but in a panic to avert Scotch independence, Princes David and Nigel will be installed on the Downing Street throne. Though young, Downing Street PR gurus with help from Gordon Brown, have advocated a 'back to basics' approach to the coronation. Brown is said to have alluded to the sorry tale of the Maid of Norway who became Queen of Scots at the age of seven.

The previous heir to the London throne, Prince Boris, is thought to be considering a reality TV show which he would co-host with the reputed anti-Semite, George Galloway.

That final Ukip push to win your heart

wankers?

Spin your own UKIP candidate generator

Just say you're in an 'anti-establishment' political party. Your leader comes from the same kind of stable as David Cameron or George Osbourne but because he's a blawhard with a sense of humour, the media love him. The fact that he's another rich white man with a dodgy record on expenses and hiring...er migrants to work for him is glossed over.

Behind the jokey everyman  'always in pub with pint in hand' persona is a hive of frenetic hard-right activity. It seems as if every right-wing nutter in the book is in UKIP - from knife-wielding skinheads seig-heiling to the camera to swivel-eyed aristocrats to misogynists to god-bothering homophobes.

Here though is Tocasaid's handy contribution the UKIP phenomenon. Want a controversial right-wing arsehole to pump you up with the oxygen of publicity? Have a spin...

1 - Jeremy Clarkson. Has prejudice of one shade or another filling him like beans. Mexicans, gays, Scots, women, black people... He lives the life of a traditional English, white private school product. Hell, why doesn't the whole world race about in posh cars, roll about guffawing at the less fortunate (or just those who are different) in between slugs of expensive wine? Like UKIP, he plays the 'rebellious' card while being... just another rich, white man who's never known anything but a life of privilege.

2. Pat Robertson. Downside is that he isn't British. But then again, neither is Farage's wife who he employs at the taxpayer's expense in a job that a Brit could do. Neither is Farage's 'builder' pal and star of UKIP's election campaign and author of racist tweets who hails from... Zimbabwe. So far, Scotland has been no-man's land for the crazies of UKIP. This is where Pat comes in. He knows us..."A dark land, overrun by gays". Pat could lubricate the passage for Farage to slide in and sort us out.

"In Scotland, you can't believe how strong the homosexuals are. It's just simply unbelievable," he told his viewers.
Scotland's religious past was no more, he said. "I don't think it exists any more. And what could happen? It could go right back to the darkness very easily."

3. Random Bonehead. UKIP was described to me by a pal as the 'EDL for rich folk'. That about sums it up. But, it seems as if UKIP has been adept at attracting the kind of short/no-haired nutters that used to swim with the BNP. Ein, zwei... reach for that phone!

4. James MacMillan CBE. Conservative, Christian (of the Roman Catholic sub-sect) and controversial. He has compared pro-independence artists to the Blackshirts and doesn't like the Scots Tories having a lesbian leader. This could be a win-win situation for UKIP - a raving right-winger who is still kind of... respectable. By some. He still looks like a pompous auld fart though and accusing others of being Blackshirt may backfire.

5. Whatshername Hopkins. Your typical vacuous south-of-England rent-a-quote, if you like your quotes offensive. Even the Daily Star compared her to a horse. She doesn't like 'gingers', old people in mobility scooters, the working class or Scotland. If you're Farage and you want either another mistress or someone to add an equine a feminine touch to your radge party then Hopkins is your girl. Probably her most infamous tweet was this one:

“Life expectancy in Scotland 07/08 birth is 59.5. Goodness me. That lot will do anything to avoid working until retirement.”

Poorly timed, the controversial pundit posted the message just hours after a police helicopter crashed into a pub in Glasgow, killing nine people and injuring 32 more.

The Independent.

6. Leigh Griffiths. At first glance you may think that the Hibernian fan and Celtic FC striker is a bit thick to involved in politics but I don't see any difference between him and many of UKIP's extremist past, present or former political candidates. He doesn't like homosexuals, east Europeans or Muslims of a Scottish-Asian background. Perfecto para UKIP, no? On the other hand he has probably never heard of Brussels.

Hey it's not perfect but you spins yer wheel and takes yer chances!

How to dismantle Ukip in one easy step....

Actually, I'd probably take advantage of their Freepost address just to make them pay for the privilege of being humiliated.

Read on...

Read this email exchange in which a local resident takes apart UKIP

Eurovision: go Nigel go!

After his rather embarrassing by-election launch for Aberdeen Donside which happened in, er... Edinburgh, Farage has decided to prove a point to the 'Union-Jack hating Jocks' and to conquer Eurovision for Gwate Bwitain!

His posh voice and rousing oratory were sadly drowned out in Edimbourg by angry Jocks and some English students singing 'bawbag' at him. Cue the 'taxi for Nigel' but unfortunately for Lord Falange, not one but two Edinburgh cabbies took one look at the millionaire charlatan and bolted.

He's back though and he has a band with him.

Monckton - not a swivel-eyed facsist

His aim is to recreate Bucks Fizz's barnstorming Dambuster raid on Eurovision in 1981 that stole the Euro crown from Johnny Foreigner. For this he has recruited one-time ego-rival Robert Kilroy-Silk to woo the ladies. Farage knows that Eurovision thrives on a certain freaky and boundary-pushing unpredictability and so has recruited fellow toff Christopher Monckton - a.k.a. 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley. Monckton is said to be planning a pole-dancing routine he learned in one of Farage's favourite strip-clubs which will be so heavy with homo-eroticism that it will once and for all, end all rumours that UKIP are a fiercely homophobic party. Lastly, Oswald Farage knows the importance of youth and has signed up an edgy EDL football thug to provide a drum-n-bass style interlude and some 'muscle'.

However, the blogosphere has laid into Faradge with customary cynicism. Planet Ivy talks of its oddball members. A Thousand Flowers has the temerity to award Gills Farage with its 'Weekly Wanker Award'. National Collective has stepped in with a history lesson. And finally...

The good old British Broadcasting Corporation - that organ of Ugly Scottish Nationalism since 1707 - has weighed in to put in the boot... 

 

listen to ‘Farage Hangs Up on BBC Radio Scotland’ on Audioboo

No taxi for Nigel

Sometimes, living in Edinburgh, you kind of get used to living in the glow of history. Famous residents from Hume to Donnchadh Bàn. Superb architecture. A history of multiculturalism stretching back 2000 years and more - of Picts, Britons, Gaels, Angles, French, Italians, Flemish, Poles and many more.

And then... one of the most odious  - 'charismatic' to the right-wing English press - figures to have slithered into the garden of English politics for many a long year, dares to come north.

A new pride is born, as this total cnt and charlatan, is sent packing by an angry crowd.

Farage was first forced out of the Canon's Gait pub on the Royal Mile after the landlord took fright as the demonstrators disrupted his casual press conference with shouts of "racist", "scum" and "homophobe". Out on the street, as the fingers pointed and taunts escalated, he was rejected by one taxi and turfed out of a second.

Then, finally, the harassed and ill-prepared handful of officers were forced to push him back into the Canon's Gait, slamming its front doors shut, as the demonstrators chanted: "Nigel, you're a bawbag, Nigel you're a bawbag, na, na, na, hey!" with gusto.

"Grrrr, I'm a pirate Nigel"

He's a millionaire businessmen, no doubt with financial interests across the globe. But he's anti-immigration.

Immigrants shouldn't 'take' our jobs but neither should they have benefits.

He's pro-strip-club but anti-gay. Hell, even the Tories for the most part have got over their anti-gay chip on their shoulder.

He wants 'independence' for the UK/England but thinks that Scotland's rather tame devolved parliament should be disbanded.

He's the dahling boy of the Daily Mail, who they hope will reach places that Mosely didn't.

And like so many before him, he's man with the posh accent who pulls the strings that make the bootboys dance. Worse, he pulls the heartstrings of misty-eyed Little Englanders who hanker for a past that never was.

Send him home to think again.

UKIP councillors reaching for their phones.